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[–]game_ovr 75 points76 points77 points 7 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
I watched a video from Charisma On Command on "Why Don't Feel Good Enough". In it he gives a piece of advice to say "I love you and respect you just the way you are" in the mirror until you feel like you mean it. And holy shit did that do wonders. I have since wrote that phrase down and similar phrases at my desk and in mirrors to remind myself to keep loving myself.
[–][deleted] 12 points13 points14 points 7 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
I watched most of the video from that channel, but i didnt saw this one.
It's a great channel and everyone should follow it.
[–][deleted] 7 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
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[–][deleted] 7 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 7 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]Toxic_and_Masculine 32 points33 points34 points 7 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
That was heart wrenching.... Tears streamed from the well of my heart as I watched this. I've felt the exact same way of the protagonist of the film for most of my life. Treading neck deep in an ocean of self hate and sabotage.... I've felt like a waste of skin, an unworthy nobody, a cruel mistake , a loser.....and no amount of false charm, confidence or physical fitness could ever repair that defect... Worse yet, I have fulfilled all of those labels and prophecies 100% of the time further entrenching these thoughts and feelings into my psyche. So much so that I am actually used to that background noise as my operating system. Thank you so much for posting this powerful POWERFUL message, I had no clue I needed to see that, but I'm so glad I did 🙏🏽
[–]paddywacknack 7 points8 points9 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
"I love you and I respect you". Put that on a note and put it next to your bathroom mirror. Say it to yourself every day.
[–]Stonecoldfreak1 19 points20 points21 points 7 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Thought I was logged into the wrong account. Thumbnail and subtitles make it look like she’s getting him off.
[–]BacSai 6 points7 points8 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
God, yes it does. Was even better than I anticipated
[–][deleted] 30 points31 points32 points 7 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
It's a nice scene. The manic pixie dream Girl who tries to inspire you and fill you with self confidence is a fantasy though.
[–][deleted] 7 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 7 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]InquisitorDan 11 points12 points13 points 7 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
No actually, she's an angel who's helping him. AngelA is the movie this comes from and it's wonderful.
[–]DDerpDurp 1 point2 points3 points 7 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Is the second capital A on purpose? Making Angela a play on Angel A?
[–]InquisitorDan 2 points3 points4 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I do believe so
[–]Trowawaycausebanned4 1 point2 points3 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
She does play the role well
[–]Digital_Native_ 6 points7 points8 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Wasn't planning on crying today, but thanks.
[–]SyrusDrake 6 points7 points8 points 7 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
"Now, you need to fill the empty shell."
This is something that has come up in my last therapy session. I think I've come to a point where I don't habitually mentally beat myself up anymore all the time. It took over two years. But now I think I need to go from "not being mean to myself" to "being kind to myself", which I feel is going to be even harder...
[–]Trowawaycausebanned4 -1 points0 points1 point 7 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
It’s not that hard
[–]Trowawaycausebanned4 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
It’s encouragement. Maybe he’ll finally do it
[–]Moderatorrecyclablebanthas 2 points3 points4 points 7 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
I get the intention and I know you wanted to help. But consider the exchange you just had:
SyrusDrake: XYZ is going to be even harder You: It's not that hard
SyrusDrake: XYZ is going to be even harder
You: It's not that hard
Now consider if we take this same approach in another situation.... the problem becomes clearer.
Person A: I feel sad because my family member died. It's going to be hard to get back to being happy.
Person B: It's not that hard.
The guy has been around Seddit for some time now. He's been on a long road and made some progress if he's saying he isn't beating himself up all the time. And it IS fucking hard as rebuilding as he is.
Telling him something that simply isn't true, doesn't help him. It unintentionally sends the message that there's maybe something wrong with him if he finds it hard, or that you don't think his perspective matters.
Now, if you've been through stuff like what he's been through, you could encourage him by sharing that you get what he's going through and maybe maybe a smidge about thoughts that helped you break through it.
Anyway, I know your intentions were in a good place, just consider what I'm saying here if you want to help effectively.
[–]Trowawaycausebanned4 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I get it, I’m being a dick about it. Sometimes I believe in tough love, sometimes you just need to get over it. I don’t have a lot of patience for Redditors sometimes because (I don’t think I get any usually but) it seems like they complain a lot and the status quo is to be super nice and supportive and you can’t really be real and say get over it. Sometimes you need a friend to tell you it’s not really a big deal and to get over it. All I’ve felt I’ve been told is to get over it, and I’ve gotten over it. I don’t think that’s always the perfect solution but complaining like that... you’ve just got to do the best you can.
[–]Moderatorrecyclablebanthas 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
1
I get it, I’m being a dick about it.
That's not what I said. ;) I'd literally say that if I thought that.
2
Sometimes I believe in tough love, sometimes you just need to get over it.
You may notice in my comment history that I can also be pretty blunt.
Tough love is fine, but the idea of just needing to get over it, is really about as effective as telling someone to just be themselves. Technically, it's great advice, but it's not practical because nothing about the phrase tells someone how to be themselves in a better way.
3
....it seems like they complain a lot and the status quo is to be super nice and supportive and you can’t really be real and say get over it.
Some people complain. Some of those people aren't here looking for help. They're looking for someone to validate them.
I don't believe in just offering validation to people instead of help.
But let's be real, just telling someone to "get over it," isn't anymore helpful. That guy said he's in therapy and is currently making progress. Nothing about his words indicated complacency. So simply telling him that his struggle is not hard, while you meant well by it, didn't really help.
4
Sometimes you need a friend to tell you it’s not really a big deal and to get over it.
Disregarding something and trying to bury it is a great way of during a small problem into a huge problem.
Now, if you were close enough to solving your own issues with negative self-talk, then it might not take much to put you over the top. But for those truly in the grip of depression and all that, one does not simply dismiss the issue.
That shit takes a 24/7 struggle around the clock, arguing and debating with a voice in one's own head that wants to drag you down.
And the really shitty thing? That voice usually tries to base its arguments on just enough truth that simply saying "it's not a big deal," won't work because there's too much reality there to ignore.
5
Example: Negative self-talk tells a guy that he sucks because he doesn't have a GF and no girls have ever been interested in him. If you tell him to simply "get over it," and it's "no big deal," well that's just a lie. It's a big deal, being lonely. You don't just get over that. You have to get in the trenches and debate with yourself. You have to offer up counter-arguments for the bullshit thoughts you have running through your own head.
You want to help someone, probe with some questions and find out what their bullshit negative thoughts are. What their limiting beliefs are. Then you target a counter-argument at those negative thoughts or limiting beliefs.
[–]Trowawaycausebanned4 1 point2 points3 points 7 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I get it, I’m being a dick about it. That’s not what I said. ;) I’d literally say that if I thought that.
That’s what I’m saying, maybe not you
It’s not about burying it, it’s about dealing with it yourself and not going around looking for sympathy.
It’s as easy as just doing it sometimes but taking that step can be difficult. We’re just seeing this in two different ways
[–]Moderatorrecyclablebanthas 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Consider the following:
Whereas trying to deal with it ourselves has led to men being more likely than woman to commit suicide, we're more likely to commit homicide or commit mass shootings, too. Emotions have a way of coming out, and if there's no healthy outlet, brains break and crack under the pressure sometimes.
Looking for sympathy, there's nothing wrong with it.
The mindset you're suggesting, is actually quite harmful if someone needs real help. When someone is truly in the grips of a real mental health issue, if they're currently fighting their brain and losing the battle when they fight alone, it's literally impossible and inadvisable for them to "deal with it themselves."
When a brain pattern is stuck in there, it takes exposure to new ideas to break old thought patterns up and that literally cannot happen if someone isolates themselves and tries to go it alone. That's like suggesting that a guy who wants to clean shit out of a tub, isn't allowed to unplug the drain or turn the water on.
It’s as easy as just doing it sometimes but taking that step can be difficult.
You're describing a person who's basically completed a huge journey already to get to the point of being capable of taking that last step.
[–][deleted] 4 points5 points6 points 7 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
This is actually one of my top 5 favorite movies. Angel-a worth a watch. I think it's amazing.
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Awesome! I’m watching it too now!
[–][deleted] 3 points4 points5 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
this is so beautiful
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Deadass - thanks for posting. bought it on iTunes and watching as soon as I finish cooking.
[–]Skexer 1 point2 points3 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
That was brilliant, thanks for sharing.
[–]FancyNarc 1 point2 points3 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Wow, I’ve heard really good things about this movie. Gonna have to watch it now. Thanks OP
[–]Visualize_ 1 point2 points3 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I probably would have cried or something if I watched this about a year ago. I was pretty broken before. My self image was shit and I constantly felt lost. I've came a long way in just a year and I know I have a lot more room to grow but this still resonates with me because there's a certain aspect about myself I know I want to change but something isn't clicking and I'm getting frustrated with my lack of progress in that area. I think it's super important to accept for who you are in the current moment and be happy with every step toward being the person you want to be. I felt like I should be at a certain point with where I wanted to be, but I was being over critical in the fear that perhaps I was being complacent and not pushing hard enough and not taking enough risks. Realistically I could have taken more risks but I realized how counterproductive it is to beat myself up which haults progress. Everyone has their own path and maybe my progress is slower than others but that's okay as long as I am living everyday slowly improving myself and trying to be the best person I can be. There's ups and downs but even becoming 1% better at something will add up over time
[–][deleted] 7 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Spiritpancakes 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Same ☝
[–]smokeytheghost 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Thank you. This really helped me.
It's from a movie by Luc Bessom Angel-A https://g.co/kgs/rXyzKw
[–]VintijVibez 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I had this meditation track playing in the background and it made it that much more epic...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mTB0wYZTXxw
instructions unclear lol
Thanks for this video.
[–]Trowawaycausebanned4 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
What is this from?
https://i.imgur.com/AexTMnc.jpg
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[–]game_ovr 75 points76 points77 points (8 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 12 points13 points14 points (7 children) | Copy Link
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[–]Toxic_and_Masculine 32 points33 points34 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]paddywacknack 7 points8 points9 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Stonecoldfreak1 19 points20 points21 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]BacSai 6 points7 points8 points (0 children) | Copy Link
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[–]InquisitorDan 11 points12 points13 points (3 children) | Copy Link
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[–]Trowawaycausebanned4 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Digital_Native_ 6 points7 points8 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]SyrusDrake 6 points7 points8 points (8 children) | Copy Link
[–]Trowawaycausebanned4 -1 points0 points1 point (7 children) | Copy Link
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