Breaking Submissive Mentality/Porn Habits

throwaway-aa2 · 2015-02-23T03:55:19+00:00

I've "sorta" been in your shoes.

After being cheated on as a 17 year old, my porn use turned quickly to the cuckold genre. With that came interracial cuckold porn.

If you have a generic relationship with women (no one leads or follows), you'll like generic sex. If you're very dominant and successful with woman, you'll like dominant porn. If your experience with women is unsuccessful and women are bitches to you, you'll like porn where women are being bitches to you. There are exceptions but this is generally true. You can see how this is fairly straightforward.

You need to put yourself in a position where you can teach yourself the enjoyment of having power over a female. This is basically your only way out.

What this will do, is create new associations for you. And I want you to think about this in relation to your quote:

submissive tendencies that pretty much put an end to a healthy relationship before it can even start.

Association is a very powerful thing for humans. I'm going to give an insane hypothetical, but go with it. Let's say I find one type of race / body type / etc really really attractive, like 5 times more attractive than anything else (let's say I LOVE Asian women). Now, let's say anytime I'm in the presence of Asian women, someone or something makes sure that there is a wretched stench of diarrea / shit / vomit. Automatically I'm going to start associating Asian people with a sense of disgust, and eventually even without the smell I'm going to be turned off just by the race.

This is what you need to realize. The submissiveness you currently prefer sexually, should have a smell of shit that fucks up the attractiveness of it for you. When you think of being submissive, you should automatically associate it with rejection, or lack of reciprocation of interest, because it DOES (even by your own recognition). Your submissiveness fucks up how much you're going to get your dick sucked, be inside a women, or even get a kiss or get her into bed in the first place.

Let's assume you can grow a pair of balls, and "FAKE" being more dominant / alpha, and actually spin a couple of plates (this is what your goal should be, not a relationship, and if a relationship is your goal, you need to lurk here a little bit more). What you should find, is you get a lot more interest and attention when you do it this way.

I used to like ballbusting a lot more than anything else. But then getting life experience and putting myself in positions where I dominated over women (along with learning more redpill), I learned many things. Those types of dominating females... they're usually uncaring bitches, they won't go out of their way to please you, they usually have mental issues, they usually will disrespect you and boss you around and belittle you, a lot of times they're not even that cute (again, women normally are more submissive... if they have an aggressive nature, that points to something in their life or their attitude that veere'd them off that path).

It's only when you start interacting with submissive girls where you start discovering a whole new world. Girls that will literally do ANYTHING you say. Girls that don't complain, and will cook you a meal, and will give you a piece of pussy whenever you want it, and want you to make them ask permission for it. Girls that will rub your head, give you a massage, and not complain about much. Doesn't this sound, much, much more appealing?

The thing is, this relationship is much more beneficial and sustainable by both parties. Like you said, women generally aren't going to put up with submissiveness. So you have to own your natural place in life, one that both parties want.

For me, all I needed to do was put myself in a position where I could dominate over women, and SEE how positively they reacted to it. That in itself is very exhilirating and can easily replace the pleasure of being submissive

I used to like femdom in some instances...but after I grew as a person through certain experiences, I realized that it isn't the natural state of female vs male dynamic, in the sense that you can NEVER be spinning 4/5 plates where the bitch is in charge.

You have to realize that your association with this fetish is the result of failure you've had with women (or a woman, whatever the case is). But ultimately, if I had to guess, you currently don't have MUCH success with women (like you said, mostly because most relationships where the guy is the submissive just don't work).

My advice, is to keep masturbating to it, because the first step to healing is acknowledgement. While you masturbate to it, know that you are masturbating to a fantasy that just isn't true. Know that you're basically masturbating to the smell of shit that you've asssoicated with women, instead of creating new associations and masturbating to that. So seek to create those new associations. Go learn how to dance. The guy leads the girl, she follows. Go run game on girls and run the interaction vs not running the interaction, and see how much more positively they respond when you lead. Put yourself in these positions and you will begin to create new associations on what women mean in your life, and if you're anything like I was, you'll find your new associations like 100times more pleasurable, because they come from an association of success, rather than submissiveness, which is an association with failure (and usually lack of sex).

As an addendum (a refinement on what I said), I've tried to stop masturbating to porn like 5 or 6 times to no avail. Changes like this are basically like how everyone wants to lose weight & get in shape. Everyone wants to lose weight & get in shape, but only a couple of people will accomplish this because they have a strong willpower, but more importantly, a strong REASON. I tried to stop masturbating 5 or 6 times, and finally gave up and kept masturbating. Instead of trying to stop masturbating, I educated myself regarding male / female interaction, and finally got to a good bit of advice on masturbation habits, and how chimpanzees have alpha / beta structure and how beta males masturbate, and how evolution has made sure that female on a chemical level (pheremones, etc) the difference between an alpha and a beta, even based on masturbation. It finally hit me right in the chest: my actions were directly influence my interactions with females (even noticeably on my part), and I was perpetuating my own fate. Everytime I masturbate, I might as well say that I'll never get good with females (this isn't true for a lot of people but it was true for me). And I haven't masturbated since, and honestly the thought of porn excites me still but now there is this deep unshakeable feeling of disgust, as if the act is synonymous with surrender, with weakness, with not being worthy.

Why do I say all of that? Don't follow this "don't masturbate" shit. That almost will never work. Fully acknowledge your problem, and educate yourself and practice dominance over women, until you WANT to not look at the porn anymore, until it triggers some level of disgust for you.

AMOist · 2015-02-23T01:14:37+00:00

I'm certainly no psychologist, but I'll give it a shot.

First, stop doing things that promote this behavior. This means: No porn. It might be tough, but say no to drugs. And your drug is porn. I would say just stay away from the porn which propagates submissive tendencies, but for reason #2, no porn.

Second, stop jerking off. I'd explain further but this has already been covered in other TRP. I'll just say quickly it lowers your T, and rewards the brain for, frankly, not having accomplished anything, which negates the possibility of generating self-esteem from sexual activities. Jerking off is a crutch, and likely has opposite effects on self-esteem (which you seem to need more off) if you're doing as a replacement, and not a crutch. A situation I might find excusable is one in which your LTR is not in geographic proximity for an extended period of time and you don't have a choice (This includes the obvious understanding that having to jerk it is a temporary problem with a defined end). When it is used as a substitute from having to go out and get some real sex in your life, your subconscious knows this and it's going to damage you in the long haul. Plus, I'm sure what you're fantasizing about during the act is likely submissive activities, which again, only serves to propagate this mentality. The longer you go without thinking about these things, the better.

Third, women obviously want leaders, not subs. Start doing activities that give you confidence and self-esteem. Set meaningful goals for yourself, and achieve them. Focus on you. Put yourself at the center of your universe. It is your reality, and someone else is just living in it. These are the mentalities you need to be constantly reinforcing through internal dialogue and daily activities.

Quick aside: "Who you are" can change. If "you" suck, do things to stop sucking. These things can be controlled, but first you have to decide to get them under control.

SeasonalVisions · 2015-02-23T04:37:36+00:00

AMOist already hit the nail on the head and his post is what you should really be looking into but I'm just here to interject with personal experience that I know works, even though my issue was a bit different than yours it's still psychological and despite what you may think, you are not damaged and it is not permanent.

Stop looking at porn and stop jacking off immediately. I couldn't stay hard about a week ago during sex and for about 5 years before that I had a habit of whacking it to porn every single night before bed. Only about 5 or 6 days abstaining from both and I was hard as a rock for about two hours straight tonight and was just hornier in general, it's never too late but you need to fix this sooner than later as it will only get worse if you don't.

asd1100 · 2015-02-23T15:01:39+00:00

that pretty much put an end to a healthy relationship before it can even start.

why?

Just because you have a kink doesn't mean you need to blur it out right from the start of the date or you can't fuck normally.

Is my mindset still pliable, or is this just "who I am"?

at 30, i really doubt it. You are not your kinks. What you are is a spineless pussy that looks for excuses to not try to have the life he wants.

Any advice?

Stop feeling sorry for yourself.

Go MGTOW. Understand that you can not have a white picket fence family and entertain your kink. Make some money and stage some fantasies if you really "need" them to get off. But understand this is emotional masochism and you will go farther and farther with it and it can not end well.

Stayinghereforreal · 2015-02-23T00:44:03+00:00

This is the third or fourth post in a few days about this.

Moderators, what is up with this?

oldredder · 2015-02-23T01:29:47+00:00

I

can't

even

time to close this browser-tab and not look back

Title	Breaking Submissive Mentality/Porn Habits
Author	breakingbland
Upvotes	6
Comments	17
Date	February 23, 2015 12:37 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/2wtg9e/breaking_submissive_mentalityporn_habits/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/breaking-submissive-mentalityporn-habits.146429 https://theredarchive.com/post/146429

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