I've noticed a trend that I can't exactly explain. I wanted to check in with the community to see if I'm delusional and/or there's some principle that I'm missing.

TL;DR: I'm focused in school, and treat any girl working with me like a normal classmate, nothing more. I still see more IOIs towards quiet ol' me than the funny, outgoing guys hitting on her, despite her laughing along... Why?

When I'm in school, I focus completely on the work in front of me. That means get shit done and minimize distractions: including pretty girls. Most of the time, I get what I want, but there comes a time when I have to work with the pretty girl/s somehow and I just treat her like I treat any other classmate: help them out when they need it/ask for it, do my part of the work, then leave them alone and get back to focusing on my job.

There are other guys who aren't here for that... They're usually trying to hit on the girls. Yes, I tend to get FOMO and a tinge of jealousy since I'M not the one hitting on them, but when I remind myself that I'm like this IN CLASS, and that I talk to girls outside of class, I get over it and get back on focus.

But I noticed a pattern: even if the girls respond positively to the guy/s hitting on her, the ones I've had shallow, boring one-on-one conversations with tend to give me more IOIs *while the other guys are hitting on her***.**

I'm talking:

  • Completely ignoring the other guy and focusing on me as soon as I open my mouth to talk (even if the other guy is still talking, making her laugh)
  • Repeatedly engaging with me in conversation, despite never starting one, and despite the other guy being right there.
  • Smiling/laughing at the smallest shit I do.
  • Acting like she doesn't know what the guy is talking about.

At first I didn't give a fuck. But I've seen this pattern so many times over the years that now I'm curious.

  1. Is she trying to save face so she's not seen as "too easy" to the other guys?
  2. Does she just think I'm more useful to have around (at least in class) so that's why she's giving me IOIs?
  3. Is she GENUINELY interested in me?
  4. Actually, why tf does a quiet focused guy who doesn't give a shit about dating you have more of your attention than the funny, charming guy who's going after you right now?

A few of these reasons sounded like BS as soon as I typed them out, but fuck it. Anything can be the reason.

I've seen this too many times with too many different girls to not question it.