Just want to vent and let other one-itis people know what happens if you do this.

I come to you folks, dragging my feet, my head down, and my hands in my pockets. I did it to myself yet again. AGAIN! I suffer from one-itis. Seriously bad case of it too. So bad that I've become a jealous little spiteful bitch of a person.

I like this girl at work and for a while she had a huge crush on me too. I loved the attention from her. She would give me IOIs all the time like staring at me, glancing at me when she walked passed and smiling, always finding a way to come to talk to me, and touching my arm or playing with her hair when we talked. She would ask me when I was leaving so that we could walk to the train station together and talk. It was great.

The problem was is that I do that thing I always do and start having negative thoughts:

She probably doesn't want to be in a relationship right now. We work together and I like this job so we wouldn't work out if we had a fight. She's a city girl whos rich and I'm an outdoorsy guy who isn't rich. She's cute but I could probably get a better girl (Worst. Fucking. Thought. Ever)

Then I did the worst thing: let's wait and see what happens. WAIT AND SEE. I was a fucking moron because during that time I was developing more and more feelings towards her. She kept giving me the same IOIs and I kept soaking it in. It was completely unfair for me to do that to her but I liked the attention.

Fast forward a year to now. The IOIs are gone. She doesn't make it a habit to come talk to me. She leaves and just waves goodbye without stopping to wait for me. It's fucking with my head and I'm getting really depressed.

Last night was our Christmas party and I was super excited to go JUST TO SEE HER, Jesus was was i thinking. She shows up and doesn't talk to me for the first hour. She talked to another guy from work, who is a genuinely good guy, for an hour and I got incredibly jealous and depressed. I was the life of the party before she showed up and now I sucked. People started asking me if I was ok and I just said I was tired, which was a lie. I was deflated.

She finally talked to me but by that point I was so unenthusiastic. I tried to keep my energy up but I was stuck thinking about shit from the past. I ended up leaving early and feeling like shit all the way home.

This has happened to me 3 times before. I like a girl, soak up the attention, then get upset when I don't get anymore. ITS NOT FAIR TO HER. I put so much pressure on them to make me happy and then when it doesn't come true I resent the other person

If you put someone on a pedestal and take more than you give, it's selfish and you're gonna get hurt. This is a terrible feeling that all guys that suffer one-itis should feel and learn from.

What I've learned, and I'm writing this out as a reminder to myself, is that if a girl likes you and gives you IOIs, take the fucking shot. Just go for it. Get rejected by her early so you could move on. Instead of putting her on a pedestal and here we are, another girl who has no interest.

Fuck, the worst part is that she's moving to my department and I'm going to be MANAGING HER. This is gonna fucking suck for a while.

My steps to get out of one-itis (and please let me know if I'm missing anything):

  1. Go out and start talking to girls, anyone and everyone, get rejected and learn.
  2. Continue pouring efforts into myself and being the best version I can be!
  3. Understand that these feelings will pass and that there are other girls out there. This desire isn't the truest form of love, it's just desire.
  4. Think about what the ideal girl I want to be with would be and start putting myself in places that would meet that kind of girl.

Bonus: I think for my own sanity I'm just gonna go up to the girl I like at work and ask her out. For her, it'll be coming from a whole different place and it might confuse her. There are glimpses of her still liking me but I know that ship has sailed. I need to get rejected by her before she moves into my department. This may be a selfish move again but I couldn't bare to still have those feelings circulate while talking to her.

Thanks for reading my rant and for the great posts here.

TL;DR I'm obsessed with a girl, she doesn't like me anymore, I'm upset. This cycle keeps happening and I'm gonna break it. I'm gonna move on and not let this happen again.