Hi,

First time poster. I've been reading TRP since October last year and slowly starting to see things in a new light.

Right now, I'm unsure of my next move. This is not a question about "is this alpha/beta". Basically I've been in a LTR for (less 6 months while I traveled around China) 2 years, and simply put I'm not into it anymore. My gf adores me, tells me she loves me, more than once a day usually, however I never return it. I cant see a future together. We've lived together since I've come back from traveling, just under a year now, which in hindsight was a mistake.

I've just landed a new, better paying job and have an opportunity to move into an apartment in a great location in a nightlife district of my city. All my instincts are telling me to go for it, leave, have fun, rediscover being single etc. However, I know I will crush my LTR.

Despite not wanting a future together, I do care for her. If I did leave I want to make it as painless as possible for her. The reason I do not see a future is that she is 5 years older than me (32-27). We've already spoken about marriage/kids and I've made it clear I cannot see myself getting married and that I don't want kids for another 5 years at least, if at all. She accepts the marriage issue but wants kids to "remain a possibility". I know deep down she would really like an old fashioned family life.

She is a very sweet person and we have a similar sense of humor, which is great for company, but I'm just not attracted to her anymore. However, while I can see the fun involved in sleeping with lots of new inconsequential girls, I don't know if it would be that easy for me to accomplish. I'm a 6/7 looks wise, athletic body/good smile but balding.

I was raised in a home where my parents constantly fought, my BP dad and a domineering, distant mother, with two older brothers. I went to an all boys school from the age of 7-18 and while there were girls around they have always seemed scarce. When I got to uni I made up for lost time, but was still very BP and couldn't keep hold of the women I would hook up with. This is an area of my life I've wanted to improve my success in, but I'm just not sure if its actually possible.

I've always held my integrity in high regard, which is why I would never cheat on someone I was in an exclusive relationship with, although I have had seen many girls at the same time in the past.

My question is, is it worth screwing around with random women, living the "player" lifestyle, at the expense of devastating my girlfriend? I realize the kindest thing to do if I'm committed to leaving would be end it quickly, but I've never dumped anyone before, let alone someone I've been involved with for such a long time. This is a huge barrier/stepping stone for me, depending how you look at it.

Thanks in advance for any useful advice.