My two cents on the cold approach as a woman

quinnmcd · 2020-10-25T18:17:50+00:00

This isn’t a productive discussion and the trolls are staring to come out. Bans will be handed out if needed.

Please be opened minded and more respectful to women’s posts in this sub.

pua_max · 2020-10-25T17:40:24+00:00

I'm going to have to disagree. I'd say at least half of women respond very warmly to my approach and we get into a nice conversation. A solid percentage have told me "This thing you just did - it's good! Keep doing it!" For the girls who have boyfriends, are married, or are uncomfortable, I gracefully eject. Even with girls who are spoken for, I often have fun and friendly conversations. Just yesterday I cold approached a girl, and she told me she had a boyfriend. I walked with her for a bit and we really got to know each other. I'm kind of jealous of her bf honestly - she's a great person.

There are a few rationales that I can say for why I cold approach:

I've internalized that my approach is on average, more of a benefit to women than a detriment. The women who aren't interested have a brief moment of uncomfortableness, and then I leave. The women who are into me or just like the interaction have an experience that makes their day, month, year, or lifetime (idk about this one but I hope) through our conversation, date, or relationship. Also in terms of pure numbers (which I do keep track of like a stereotypical pua lol) is already quite good - girls who are clearly uncomfortable is a fairly low percentage now around 15%. I gun to make it 0 but that's probably impossible.
I've become comfortable with my sexuality. You say that men are projecting their sexuality onto you. I think this is a mindset that I had to grow out of. Especially when I was younger, I wanted to deeply get to know a girl, be her white knight, and get into a relationship that way. Street approach would've been antithetical to me. I was forcibly awakened from that in the process of trying to become that white knight. I realized that almost every person desires romantic and sexual connection with the right person. It is my imperative as well to search for that connection. If everyone is like this and I can't help but feel these romantic/sexual feelings when I see someone I like, I might as well be true to myself and directly express these feelings (in a calibrated way). At the same time, you have to run the fine line between building your connection with her as a friend and your sexual relationship of desire between each other.
I have both standards for her as a person and someone I might want to have sex with. People aren't black and white, and neither is the initial interaction on a cold approach. Adults can keep both the sexual subtext and the personal connection in mind while having a conversation. If you have both it's more fun anyway. For me to get across to her, I need to communicate well on both channels. Similarly, for her to get my approval she'll have to hit my bar as both a person and as a sexy person. I've left many a cold approach interaction or haven't texted her bc she's either boring as a person or there was no sexual spark.
Cold approach is just serendipitous connection with a different wrapping. Yes I can always go indirect and ask her about the carrots in her grocery cart, the roses she's holding, or the weird circular photography thing she's carrying. But saying hello I thought you looked nice is really the same.

Anyways, if street approach isn't your speed, that's ok. But my experiences cold approaching myself have reinforced that I should keep doing it, and I will.

penis_in_my_hand · 2020-10-25T15:43:38+00:00

[permanently deleted]

revente · 2020-10-25T17:01:08+00:00

Who cares, we don't cold approach to meet girls that don't want to be approached but for the ones that do. Many do and are happy when it happens. If you have some comfort issues, its on you to fix them, or don't go into public spaces where it's perfectly legal to approach anyone you want.

I hate to break it to you, but every sigle guy that has been interested in you, or any other woman, has been interested because of looks first. It's literally how our specie works. So i cannot fathom how can you find it dehumanising if its a default human behaviour. Actually i hate all "piece of meat" arguments. Men don't lust after meat. We lust after fellow humans of the opposite sex.

But yeah harassment, especially against a minor is inexcusable.

TheDevilPutD · 2020-10-25T16:31:18+00:00

[permanently deleted]

2020-10-25T17:35:09+00:00

As a man, I can understand how and why cold approaches can be intimidating for women. They have to put up with years of catcalling and random assholes with bad intentions. So I can imagine why naturally their guards are up.

Yes, most of the time girls are in a rush, and that's another reason, cold approaches don't go well.

Plus, it's not normal. Most guys don't do this. Now both men and women are used to online dating. I have had great conversations with women when doing cold approaches. Some were taken, while the others who were free, I was able to have a decent conversation and get numbers. Sometimes even instant dates. They all said something similar "This never happens, I am surprised". Even when we go on a date, there's a sense of strangeness in the air.

kmanju5683 · 2020-10-25T16:07:49+00:00

I totally understand what you're trying to say here! Cheers.

2020-10-25T16:11:20+00:00

Come on now, I’m a male and don’t use the ole “fish telling fishermen how to fish” if ur on this sub your not a fisherman but more of an apprentice

2020-10-25T17:58:31+00:00

Posts about how a specific individual would like to be approached/flirted with really shouldn’t be allowed on this sub.

The goal is to approach others, nobody gives a fuck about what you want. Your point of reference is n=1. It’s worthlesss.

TalionTheRanger93 · 2020-10-25T17:59:55+00:00

To be fair to OP, it sounds like this is a trauma response.

I have PTSD, and I don't approach anyone. I didn't even make a effort to text people till recently.

oj_plympton · 2020-10-25T17:10:44+00:00

Wow. After going through the comments I’d say this belongs more in r/unpopularopinion

No_Ad_5775 · 2020-10-25T16:38:01+00:00

[permanently deleted]

killingkoalas · 2020-10-25T15:23:57+00:00

If another man says “damn” loudly at me as I walk by assuming it’s somehow a compliment I will loose my mind. Every. Day.

Zcuzz · 2020-10-25T15:26:49+00:00

[permanently deleted]

2020-10-25T19:10:01+00:00

[permanently deleted]

quinnmcd · 2020-10-25T15:33:18+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	My two cents on the cold approach as a woman
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	40
Comments	98
Date	October 25, 2020 3:11 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/jhuwom/my_two_cents_on_the_cold_approach_as_a_woman/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/my-two-cents-on-the-cold-approach-as-a-woman.1504580 https://theredarchive.com/post/1504580

Comments