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Your Fave Escalation Techniques

qq11aa

November 9, 2020

8 upvotes

/r/seduction

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Post Information

Title	Your Fave Escalation Techniques
Author	qq11aa
Upvotes	8
Comments	27
Date	November 9, 2020 4:54 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/jqrb0e/your_fave_escalation_techniques/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/your-fave-escalation-techniques.1505372 https://theredarchive.com/post/1505372

Comments

[–]recyclablebanthas 5 years ago [recovered] (15 children) | Copy Link

Hi guys. What are your best escalation techniques you guys have used and still use to this day to pull a girl sexually and otherwise to your crib?

A couple points of order to be made here:

There are no escalation techniques that work in every situation.
"Pull sexually," is a misnomer. Seduction is a team sport, which means when a guy thinks he's pulling her, she's actually working with him, not being one-sidedly pulled in anyway.
Be over all phrasing of this post comes off as if there are techniques that make a girl want to go to your place. This is not really how it works.
In reality, a girl is evaluating am encounter as she goes based on how she feels, and usually making a gut decision about how far they want things to go that encounter or if they want things to go anywhere at all.

That said, there are some good ways to set things up for success.

Starting physical escalation off light and fun is usually the best way to go. That way you can get a good feel for where she's at without accidentally shooting yourself in the foot in the process.
Good early and light physical escalation may include underrated and basic things like handshakes, fist bumps, and sidearm jabs. Basically a lot of things that you might engage in with a dude or a family member you get along with, are good to start out with.
As far as getting someone back to your place, again this doesn't happen without the girl cooperating. We're talking logistics, in old school terms. If you want the option open to go to your place later without being too pushy, schedule the meetup for somewhere not too far from your place or hers.

[–]qq11aa[S] 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (14 children) | Copy Link

[–]Moderatorrecyclablebanthas[🍰] 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (13 children) | Copy Link

Hi recyclablebanthas.. yeah I hear ya. Just that the problem is, on the first date when I fail to escalate I dont hear from the girl anymore. Thats the price I pay for being a gentleman.

I didn't say anything about not escalating. I said starting off light and calibrating correctly is key.

Like if you are stand-offish and maintain a weirdly large space bubble, that's a problem. You'll notice I said nowhere that guys should not escalate at all.

Often the problem with newbs is pushing too hard without starting off light and calibrating as they turn it up. A guy has posted twice this week about doing just that: literally had two girls interested, one of them VERY interested. And he managed to scare them both off by pushing too hard.

However when the girl is receptive to escalation like a kissing or touching shes far more receptive to going home with me. Its like you said its up to the female.

Jives with what I'm suggesting.... Exactly.

Thats why i thought there might be a silver bullet in getting girl back to your place.. like a sure fire technique that works most of the time.

Nope. Every girl is different. Every situation is different.

Calibration is required and that, by default, means you're adjusting to a changing situation by not doing the same thing.

Sometimes the move is backing off. Sometimes it's to move slow. Sometimes it's to move fast. Hell, I've had some where I decided I wasn't interested and shut it down, and I've had some where the girl did that.

To the extent that there's any magic bullet, it takes a different form and speed each time so it's misleading to portray it as if the same thing works each time.

[–]qq11aa[S] 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (12 children) | Copy Link

I didn't say anything about not escalating. I said starting off light and calibrating correctly is key.

Hi recyclablebanthas.. appreciate greatly your response. Yes everything you've said I agree with. But last week when I was with a girl (who was really into me) I did as you said. I calibrated lightly not going overboard, being playful and she was feeling the situation. But after that date when I asked her out for a 2nd date she ignores the request like it doesnt exist.

I'll give you my opinion as to why I think shes not responding normally. Then let me know what you think. She has a kid in another country. In USA shes working which is a good thing. But will be moving to another country in 4 months. Anyway, she asked me if I was living alone. I said I was not, I have a roommate but I own the house. She asked if I had kids and I said no and I made a facial gesture like she was crazy for asking me that.

These things probably turned her off; I dont know but its the only reason I can come up with to explain her behavior since it seems like shes looking for someone stable to take care of her and her kid. Let me know what yo think. Appreciate all youve done for me thus far bro!

[–]Moderatorrecyclablebanthas[🍰] 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link

But last week when I was with a girl (who was really into me) I did as you said. I calibrated lightly not going overboard, being playful and she was feeling the situation. But after that date when I asked her out for a 2nd date she ignores the request like it doesnt exist.

Sometimes actions speak louder than words, but in general, actions give you the real picture about where someone really is.

As for the outcome, put yourself in her shoes. If you were really feeling it, you wouldn't ignore her communications.

No matter what you might have thought during the date, if she ignored her request, then the most likely reason is that she really wasn't that into it.

I'd be curious about the play-by-play during the date and what constituted light escalation.... But regardless, her actions give you a clearer window into what she felt about it.

She has a kid in another country....She asked if I had kids and I said no and I made a facial gesture like she was crazy for asking me that.

These things probably turned her off.....

What you're describing here sounds like the normal process of a date. Sometimes it just doesn't work out.

It could very well be that she was screening to see how you felt about children because she has one.

Maybe she was turned off because she thought your answer meant you didn't like the fact that she even has kids.

Maybe there was something else that didn't fit with her and she couldn't quite pin down in a concrete way and she just wasn't feeling the vibe in some way.

Dissecting these things too much can be a waste of time.

In any case, whether it was the issue of kids or something else, her actions clearly show that she wasn't feeling it.

And unless you made a mistake in your escalation, simply showing your feelings on your face about her question about kids, was not a mistake, per se.

I dont know but its the only reason I can come up with to explain her behavior since it seems like shes looking for someone stable to take care of her and her kid.

If she was looking for someone to help take care of her and her kid, then there would likely have been other questions regarding kids, not just asking if you have any.

But simply asking if you have kids doesn't immediately indicate she's looking for a provider. Mothers who have kids will generally ask if someone they're dating has kids because it's an easy point to relate on. It by no means means that they want you to support them and their kid.

(In fact, I've dated mothers. They have all asked if I have kids. None of them wanted a provider. I was a regular, casual thing for them.)

Did she ask any other kid related questions?

[–]qq11aa[S] 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago* (10 children) | Copy Link

No matter what you might have thought during the date, if she ignored your request, then the most likely reason is that she really wasn't that into it.

I'd be curious about the play-by-play during the date and what constituted light escalation.... But regardless, her actions give you a clearer window into what she felt about it.

Thats crazy since the date overall went well.

As to your other curiosity about kino with her, I tried to hold her hand, told her she was too far away - even though she was right next to me she she thought was fun. Nothing fancy or aggressive.. just light and fun.

Also i forgot to mention something.. I took her to a fancy lounge where I ought us drinks and french fries. After we left the place she said she was hungry and said she wanted to eat anywhere that it didnt matter where. So I took her to Chipotle and we ate in a nearby park since the restaurant cant serve from sit-ins due to covid. Do you think she was turned off by the fact that I took her there instead of a formal restaurant?

Sometimes it just doesn't work out.

The issue here is this rejection happens to me most of the time and as a result I'm wasting money, time, energy and expectations. It really puts me down a dark hole to the extent that it makes me too depressed to go out the house again to try to date again. It makes me confined to my house as it SERIOUSLY KILLS my spirit.

Would like your insight on this.

[–]Moderatorrecyclablebanthas[🍰] 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link

Thats crazy since the date overall went well.

As to your other curiosity about kino with her, I tried to hold her hand, told her she was too far away - even though she was right next to me she she thought was fun. Nothing fancy or aggressive.. just light and fun.

It's always good to go over specific things about how the date went.

Trying to hold her hand could easily come off as awkward. It also can unintentionally signal that one is looking for something more serious.
Telling her she is too far away when she's right next to you.... Is some specific humor that might not fly very well with everybody, regardless of what they demonstrate outwardly to you at the time. There's a possibility that a comment like this could be interpreted as insecurity, especially since it was only the first date and it can take a few dates to get a good feel for someone.

Again, your bread and butter sorts of light and easy things to do for physical escalation would include anything you could do with the guys that wouldn't have them wondering if you're gay.

Fist bumps
Handshakes
Gentle jabs in the side of their arm
Paying attention to her reaction when there is accidental or incidental contact as you sit next to her or walk alongside her.

Escalation does not involve talking, really. If it does then things are going off the rails a bit.

Also i forgot to mention something.. I took her to a fancy lounge where I ought us drinks and french fries.

Stop buying drinks and things for people. :P

Unless you're screening for someone who wants you to buy everything for them.

After we left the place she said she was hungry.... I took her to Chipotle.... Do you think she was turned off by the fact that I took her there instead of a formal restaurant?

Again, this shouldn't concern you unless you are looking for a woman who wants you to pay for everything.

You have to know what your boundaries are and what you're looking for. If you're not looking for someone who wants you to pay for everything, then why the hell should you care if she's turned off that you didn't take her to an expensive restaurant?

And again, stop paying for things! Split the bill if you really want to find out whether the girls interested in you or not, as opposed to your wallet.

The issue here is this rejection happens to me most of the time and as a result I'm wasting money, time, energy and expectations.

One issue here is that first dates should be maybe 10 to 15% of how you meet new people.

It's far, far easier to meet people if you know how to craft your social life so that you are placing yourself in front of new people on a regular basis.

This can be trickier during this pandemic, but there are still ways. There are still people organizing social groups and events. You can do a Facebook search to find a lot of them.

For example, I know someone who takes part in a number of social groups, like the hash house harriers in his city, two social dance communities, and a couch surfer's group.

He often has around 2 to 3 people that he's dating, that he met from his social groups, plus one or two that he's regularly dating that he met from apps.

And when he's feeling off balance after a breakup, he goes to the social groups just to hang out and socialize with people and remember how to interact with girls in a low-pressure situation. Because when you go to the social group events, it's not like a date. There's no pressure. You're just talking and getting to know people.

[–]qq11aa[S] 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link

Trying to hold her hand could easily come off as awkward. It also can unintentionally signal that one is looking for something more serious.

Telling her she is too far away when she's right next to you.... Is some specific humor that might not fly very well with everybody, regardless of what they demonstrate outwardly to you at the time. There's a possibility that a comment like this could be interpreted as insecurity, especially since it was only the first date and it can take a few dates to get a good feel for someone.

Ok I'm extremely confused with your response here. First you advised to do light touching, etc. Once I did youre now backflipping by saying its basically not appropriate. I really dont get it since this part of the interaction was light and playful and the girl didnt freak out. Your answer is even more warped when you said, "Escalation does not involve talking, really." But I took her hand as escalation without involving talking. I'm scratching my head over that one.

Honestly I've seen responses from puas like this before. You tell them your successes and they tell you what you did wrong... like what?? I really dont get it. For example, years ago I met a german girl and on that 1st day we met I took her to a bridge. While on it I asked her if she ever kissed a guy on a bridge. She said no. I then said, "lets see." And we kissed. The pua I told this to actually said what I did was WRONG. I kid you not. This same pattern continues to follow here and I think it has to do with ego.. thinking your way is the best way even in the face of success. Very bizarre.

[–]Moderatorrecyclablebanthas[🍰] 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago* (7 children) | Copy Link

Ok I'm extremely confused with your response here. First you advised to do light touching, etc. Once I did.....

I will clarify.

There's often a misunderstanding about hand-holding. Holding hands is a more intense thing. It often comes with a fair amount of emotional baggage. So it is not optimal for light escalation.
A handshake is way better. It often ends quickly enough that it doesn't constitute an emotional display of affection, and there's still an option for it to demonstrate whether someone is feeling the vibe or not.
Verbally teasing someone about being too far away is not physical escalation. It's verbal interaction. and I was saying you should be careful about that kind of teasing (saying she's too far away when she's actually close) because it can sometimes be interpreted in a way that's unfavorable to you.

I really dont get it since this part of the interaction was light and playful and the girl didnt freak out.

Maybe it did go well, but just because someone didn't freak out, doesn't mean that it necessarily went well.

Girls often learn that there are a few guys out there who will freak out on them if they are too direct in expressing disapproval. They learn harsh lessons that things will become uncomfortable and potentially dangerous for them very quickly if one of these few guys gets upset.

Meaning that you're not always going to get a clear message of disapproval from a girl when things aren't going well.

Your answer is even more warped when you said, "Escalation does not involve talking, really."

When you were talking about light physical escalation you brought up verbal teasing, which is a different thing.

For example, years ago I met a german girl and on that 1st day we met I took her to a bridge. While on it I asked her if she ever kissed a guy on a bridge. She said no. I then said, "lets see." And we kissed. The pua I told this to actually said what I did was WRONG. I kid you not.

Realize, that there is a ton of data missing from a sparse paragraph about this interaction.

On its face, if you took a girl you just met to a bridge and asked her if she ever kissed a guy on a bridge, that is already potentially awkward.

Unless you had already been discussing places where you've kissed people, asking her if she'd ever kissed someone on a bridge is a random question.

If a girl felt such a question was awkward and you followed it up by going in for a kiss aggressively, that would be the wrong move.

And some girls will just go along with it because it's easier than dealing with a guy who might flip out on them in public.

Granted, you've given no context whatsoever for what happened before when you met this girl or after the kiss on the bridge, so it's impossible to speak specifically to this situation.

If it worked out for you in that case, then I'm happy to hear it, but in general, trying to escalate by talking, and then making aggressive physical moves, is a good way to accidentally cockblock yourself.

Some girls, if you ask them that sort of question, will immediately be predisposed against wanting to kiss you because the conversation was too blatant.

But some girls who might have already made up their mind that they are interested by that point, will go along with it despite the awkwardness. And if you're confident enough, you can sometimes make an awkward approach fly.

[–]qq11aa[S] 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link

So according to your response you favor proceeding very slowly and very cautiously with a girl which is the gist I'm deriving from your answer. In other words, seizing an opportunity to kiss on a 1st date or pull a girl home again on a 1st date should be avoided since these are high risk scenarios even though others have successfully taken advantage of these opportunities before many times.

If this is what youre saying which I'm 99% sure you are then I have to say this is the same posture I've been taking with girls resulting in no follow-up from them and has prompted me to create this thread.

Playing it cautious with girls can backfire since they can see you as a wuss for not taking action. On the other hand a fast approach can creep her out. More often than not I've taken the safe route which again has resulted in creating threads like this.

In this sense pickup is truly dead since game is dictated by the whims of the girl not the tactics of the guy.

[–]recyclablebanthas1 point 5 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

So according to your response you favor proceeding very slowly and very cautiously with a girl which is the gist I'm deriving from your answer.

Let's back the train up and zoom out of it.

You've described some situations where girls didn't want another date, when you were pulling awkward moves.

In those same descriptions of those states, there was little in your account which indicates awareness of the feedback you were getting from the girls in question which you should have seen before pulling the most that you choose to do.

This is more than enough to explain the results you describe of the girls not wanting a follow-up date and not answering messages.

In other words, seizing an opportunity to kiss on a 1st date or pull a girl home again on a 1st date should be avoided since these are high risk scenarios even though others have successfully taken advantage of these opportunities before many times.

I'm sure you've heard of calibration, which is a core component of game. Of course you can seize the opportunity to kiss on a first date or call a girl home, etc.

But you have to be well aware of the feedback you're getting from the girl before you get to that point.

What you're relating in your stories is that you're pulling these awkward or big moves and you're only looking for whether or not she directly objects, which is bad calibration.

For example, sometimes you need to take a physically pull back and see if she responds by maintaining a close distance. Stuff like that is the basis of actual push/pull technique. Because while a lot of girls won't be direct in showing their not into it, a lot of girls will directly show through their actions when they're into it, if you pull away a little bit

Playing it cautious with girls can backfire since they can see you as a wuss for not taking action.

Looking back at my replies, you'll notice that I suggest actions in the category of light physical escalation which are most definitely taking action.

If a girl is interested, she'll respond positively to light physical escalation quite early on, giving you the green light to turn it up.

In this sense pickup is truly dead since game is dictated by the whims of the girl not the tactics of the guy.

Calibration can definitely be one of the tougher things to pick up or develop.

But the repeated theme I keep bringing up is that seduction is a team sport. It's not dictated solely by the whims of the girl, nor by the tactics of the guy.

It's more like a dance with the guy doing things and the girl responding in plenty of nonverbal ways which give the guy information about what moves he might try next.

[–]qq11aa1 point 5 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

You've described some situations where girls didn't want another date, when you were pulling awkward moves.

In those same descriptions of those states, there was little in your account which indicates awareness of the feedback you were getting from the girls in question which you should have seen before pulling the most that you choose to do.

This is more than enough to explain the results you describe of the girls not wanting a follow-up date and not answering messages.

Yeah thats true I admit. Just that I get frustrated when most girls dont respond the way I want them to. trust me I've trust light, medium and heavy escalation.

Understandably it takes 2 to tango a youve advised. But when I see guys in vids kissing girls on the 1st date consistently I know something is massively wrong with my game, no question. It cant be chalked up to, "sometimes theyll be into sometimes they wont," since these puas can pull off kissing/taking them home situations.

[–]recyclablebanthas1 point 5 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

Yeah thats true I admit. Just that I get frustrated when most girls dont respond the way I want them to. trust me I've trust light, medium and heavy escalation.

It can definitely be frustrating.

A common problem we all face as guys is sorting through effective ways to lightly escalate.

I've given you my summary of some light escalation methods already, but a good rule of thumb is whether or not you could do it to a homophobic guy without being accused of being gay.

So, high fives, handshakes, fist bumps, and things like that are perfectly fine and girls will often show how they feel about physical contact with you in response to these kinds of things.

Another common issue that's even bigger than how to escalate, is the idea of calibration. Paying attention closely to how the girl is responding physically / nonverbally, not just verbally, is a key issue that a lot of guys struggle with.

We are so often in our heads because of frustration, depression, anxiety, etc., that It's easy to be out of touch with what's happening.

That means we can easily miss opportunities when we should be escalating as well as find ourselves escalating when we shouldn't have been.

It is necessary to do whatever you can to push your awareness outside of your head and focus away from anxious or frustrated thoughts that might be percolating in your brain.

.....when I see guys in vids kissing girls on the 1st date consistently I know something is massively wrong with my game, no question.

Comparing yourself to someone else who has already figured things out is not entirely fair.

Plus, any videos that pick up artists post are going to be cut and edited in a way that distorts or hides how much work is actually required. No pickup artists can pick up on every girl.

Even if we're not talking about dude's trying to misrepresent how awesome they are, it might not always make sense to focus on the failures, if a video is highlighting what it looks like when it works.

I guess my point on this one would be that there might be something wrong with your game in this case, but it's more that you are beating yourself up over not being advanced.

You are generating a lot of frustration that makes your inner game go down the tubes.

It cant be chalked up to, "sometimes theyll be into sometimes they wont," since these puas can pull off kissing/taking them home situations.

Again, you're talking about videos that are often edited and cut to suit YouTube algorithms. Even the honest videos have to take those algorithms in account.

So no, these PUAs are not magically overcoming all obstacles to pull any girl they want. They make mistakes and get shot down as much as anybody else.

[–]qq11aa1 point 5 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]recyclablebanthas1 point 5 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

But I doubt the puas from those vids have to worry about vid editing when their game is still consistent despite suspected misrepresentation.

You agree that a person can't pick up on any or every every girl. Which means not every girl will go for any one particular dude.

This is something that will come up when any PUA is walking the streets cold approaching. And when I am talking about video editing, I'm talking about the basic level of video editing that anyone posting on YouTube will engage in.

People are going to make cuts and edits in their video, that's normal no matter what the subject is. They'll do that to maintain a good flow in the video or when bloopers happen, etc.

Take this video for example. The guy who made it is good and knows what he's doing. But he clearly makes cuts in the video to transition from place to place. there are parts of the interactions with the various girls that are clearly cut out. And not one interaction is shown where he gets rejected right off. And it doesn't show him getting numbers from every girl he talks to.

It makes sense that he would edit those interactions out because it doesn't demonstrate the concept he is trying to show in the video, that there are people out there who still want in-person interactions even during a pandemic.

It's not about misrepresentation so much as keeping a video to the point. If you showed every single interaction that a guy encounters while cold approaching one afternoon, that would be quite a long video. Even an hour long video would be too much and that's a pretty short part of an afternoon of cold approaching.

Btw which puas are you referring who are misguiding their audience?

While there have been stories of coaches using paid models in their videos, I'm not even talking about that possibility.

I'm saying that even the best PUAs necessarily edit their videos down to focus on things that worked out, as opposed to when it doesn't.

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