Push and pull is very important (story)

I’m tired of the weird tips that I see posted on here quite often, and upvoted. So I wanted to make a post from the point of view of an admittedly shy guy 22 year old guy who used to not have the best luck with women, but has since figured out a fairly decent formula to overcome the madness of the dating world.

So here’s my story,

I matched with this girl (let’s call her Emily) on tinder, and we chatted for a bit. I got her Snapchat and we casually talked, and I think I showed her a song I knew on guitar. Left it for a bit, then decided I wanted beer, so I planned to go to Walmart. On the way there, on a whim, I said fuck it and asked if she wanted to come too. She excitedly accepted and I went to pick her up. We were both a little shy at first but she was fun and engaged by the time I was driving her back to her place, so I asked, hey do you wanna go get milkshakes? That was where it all turned. We got the milkshakes, and once again I was driving her back to her apartment. However, this time, she asks me if I want to come hang out with her and drink.

Before I go any further, I want to express how important it is to have push and pull in relationships with women or men. I offered the milkshakes as a push, then she offered me to come back afterwards as a natural pull reaction.

Of course a little luck is involved on this part, but if you’re both interested in eachother, she’ll make the effort to give you that pull reaction. If she doesn’t, don’t make another push until you receive a pull. Vice versa if she gives you a push.

So we go back, start drinking, hang out with her roommate some. Her roommate invites another guy over and we all go to the bar together. We order some shots and these two girls come over who know Emily’s roommate. I actually knew one of the girls so I turned away from Emily and chatted with her for a bit (push), but after a little bit I bring my focus back to Emily who now says she wants to buy me a drink for the milkshake I bought her earlier (pull).

Anyways, we finish drinking and go back to her place. Crazily enough she gets into a fight with her roommate who was honestly way out of line so I don’t blame her. The guy her roommate was with, and I make some hilarious eye contact and let it pass by. Eventually, her roommate storms out and we’re all left alone. Emily starts to cry because she feels bad so I put my hand on her leg and start gently rubbing it (push), and she lays her head on my shoulder (pull). She gets it all out and we both decide it’s time for me to go so I head out since it was 2am. On purpose, I made it casual and didn’t give her a hug on the way out (push). Don’t think I’m an asshole here, because I was very very kind to her while she was upset and was holding her before this reassuring her that she wasn’t in the wrong. She even told me later on she wishes I had hugged her but it made her want me more that I didn’t. Also keep in mind, I am shy, and didn’t want to overstep anything on my first day knowing someone in person. I’ve always thought of goodbye hugs as a couple-esque thing too.

The next day we just had casual conversation because she worked all day.

The day after, she messages me again and asks if I want to come over and help her with schoolwork (pull). We basically just wound up watching tv instead with my arm around her and her head on my shoulder. I made the effort to make some jokes about our cuddling and how we couldn’t quite get it right to lighten the mood. She also got me to pop her back in that way where someone stands in front of you, and you wrap your arms around them and pull them up and towards you. I thought this was an obvious push by her, but that one is 50/50, cause some people’s backs really do be hurting doe.

Anyways, she says we should go out again and get margaritas, and who doesn’t love a margarita, so I accept.

We go to the Mexican restaurant bar and I know our (admittedly attractive) server, so I chat her up for a bit (push) to make it clear I know other women and they like me (even though the server and I aren’t super close, kudos to you Cassidy for acting like we were good friends). We finish our drinks and head back to her place and start watching TV again and cuddling.

We cuddle for a bit longer and talk in a semi flirty way. I eventually say to her, “hey there’s one more thing I wanted to do though” and go in for the kiss as she’s smiling and looking up at me (push). I kiss her for maybe 5 seconds and attempt to retract (push) but she pulls me back in (pull, literally lol). Eventually, I retract for the last time after a decent makeout session. I didn’t make it too sexual either during the kissing to make her want it more, since I’m not giving obvious signs that I want it (push)

Small edit: It was at this moment that my friends invited me to the bar (I forgot this part earlier, so sorry for anyone who read my earlier version of this post). So I ask her if she wants to go (push). Of course, she accepts (pull). We go and just order one pitcher of beer and split it between us. Anyways, I turn my attention to my friends some while we’re at the bar (push). And she turns her attention to another girl who is there with one of my friends (nice push, Emily). Eventually we both turn back to eachother and continue our conversation (2x pull). I sneakily put my hand on her thigh to let her know I was interested in her still, and wanted to touch her (push). She lays her hand on top of mine at one point to reaffirm the feeling (pull).

Eventually, we leave the bar and walk back over to her place and cuddle for an hour or so.

However, we watch some more tv, then start kissing again. It gets more intense this time and she backs away and says “I like you, and I want to fuck you, but I want you to know if we do, then I’ll definitely like you”. Most men, this would scare off, which I think was her goal, but I liked her too so I said “yeah, I like you too, but just do what you want to do” (push). Well, she liked that response so she tells me to come back up to her room (pull).

Long story short, we had sex and that was fun.

Additionally, Emily has made most of the push efforts since then. We’ve only been talking for a couple days since this, but she’s invited me over to help her with various things twice since this. Even asked me at midnight one night to go get Taco Bell (push). Then on the drive back she asks to come to my place to eat (push) and of course I accept. She’s sitting in my desk chair and I’m on the bed while we eat. Eventually, we both finish and I invite her onto the bed with me (pull). We kissed a little bit, but it was late and a school night (we’re both in a masters program) so we didn’t take it any further.

What I wanted to get across with this is there’s push and pull to every good matchmaking session. You can’t do all the pushing, and neither should they. There should be a good balance between the two that you should strive to have until you get under the sheets. It builds tension and doesn’t put too much pressure on either party.

Also, why I talked to the other girls I knew while I was with her, (other than being friendly of course cause I’m not just going to ignore people I know of course) was so she would know I potentially had other options besides her and wasn’t desperate. Girls find it attractive when other girls are interested in you or find you attractive.

I also want to add that alcohol is not an important factor in this story. Sure alcohol loosens you up, but the only time we hung out where I would consider us both drunk, was the night her roommate and her got into the fight. Never make a move on someone who is visibly drunk, as they cannot fully consent, emotionally, or physically. The day we got margaritas, we both had a small one and that was all. Then, the pitcher at the bar was the only other alcohol we had that day. I make it a point to not let alcohol influence early stages of a relationship because that leads to depending on alcohol to get along with one another (loosen up).

Not sure why I wrote all of this but I hope it helps. There’s a lot that goes into matchmaking other than this such as confidence, attractiveness, etc...but this tip is meant as butter on top of the confident attractive cake. I wouldn’t call myself super confident or super attractive, but being somewhere in the middle, this method manages to work for me with 75% of girls who show interest in me. You just have to make sure you don’t push too much or they’ll be scared away. My rule is, two pushes maximum before receiving a pull. Then it resets. If two doesn’t work, leave it and move on, because they’re most likely not interested or playing hard to get.