Some time ago, I wrote a post on this sub in which I expressed my intention to begin an exercise in which I went out and approached women each weekend until I had approached 100, and asked whether it would be acceptable for me to post nightly accounts of such ventures on this sub in order to keep motivated (SelectSelect75 (u/SelectSelect75) - Reddit). All of the commenters expressed that this would be acceptable, so until someone else tells me otherwise, I will continue doing this. The following post comprises account #2.

Context and goals:

On my first night, I discovered, to my surprise, and unusually for a beginner, that I do not seem to have any approach anxiety or fear of rejection. Going up to a woman and initiating a conversation with her – even an attractive woman, a group of women, or a group of attractive women – took no effort; I felt no nervousness doing so, nor any dissuasion when and if they rejected me. Though I only originally intended to approach one woman/group, and at most three for brownie points, I ultimately ended up approaching seven. This instilled me with confidence somewhat.

This being said, however, my post-approach conversation skills were rusty, with the chats for the most part quickly degenerating into directionless yammer, with no prospect of ending with a request for a phone number.

As a result of this, I’ve decided to amend my goals somewhat. While I could, in theory, quicky and easily achieve my goal of approaching 100 women simply by throwing myself at any woman I saw, it no longer seems like there would be much point to this, since I don’t have any anxiety to overcome and yet there is seemingly little other than this which could be gained from this act alone.

So I’ve decided to start focusing on quality rather than quantity. I will still ultimately approach 100 women, but I’ll let this happen in its own time, rather than try to force it. At least until my conversation skills improve. This time, I decided to approach fewer women, but try to have higher quality conversations with them when I did. Try to have more of a plan in mind. Try to maintain more control over the conversations. Try to maintain eye contact. Try to speak more slowly and with a deeper voice. Try to flirt and joke a little more. Try to say “err” and “umm” less. Ask them if they’d been enjoying themselves and then tell them to give me their number (as opposed to asking them for it) if I either felt as though things were going well, or as though I was running out of steam. Once again, I set myself an absolute minimum of one woman, but could win brownie points for attempting this with three. Another thing I decided to try to do is stick around for longer – from 6:00 PM to 10:00 PM. I went to the same Meetup as last time, but it was at a different venue from the last time – a pub rather than a club (which is more my speed, as it happens).

Account

I undertook more-or-less the same pre-night grooming ritual as I did last time. There were a few changes: since my hair is growing longer, I’ve started to condition it in addition to shampooing it. I’ve also shifted my weekly schedule around so that I now work out on the days I go out. I haven’t found a new manicurist who will take my credit cards yet. Since tonight’s venue was less formal, I wore the black T-shirt I had wanted to last time. I have no idea whether any of this actually makes me more attractive to women, but it helps me to get into state, if nothing else.

Like last time, I offered to hi-five people on the way to get into state, and this time at least one person actually reciprocated. Nevertheless, I’m considering abandoning this until covid completely blows over, alongside kino escalation. When I got there, I once again noticed the same problem I had the last time: the clientele of the Meetup, including most of the women, were mostly much older than me. There were only about two women there who were (or whom at least looked to be) within my age range, and they were already engaged in conversations with large, mixed-sex groups. The guy who had bought me a beer the last time was there – and he bought me another one without preamble. In introducing myself around and making small talk, I almost immediately noticed a considerable improvement in my conversation skills over last week – it’s starting to come back to me. I tried joining the aforementioned groups and talking to the aforementioned women (again, no nervousness about doing so), but I couldn’t manage to start a one-on-one conversation with either; we just kept bleeding back in the greater group.

My approaches of specific women/groups of women (as opposed to big amorphous mixed-sex groups, which I’m not counting) were much more spaced out tonight, mainly due to simple lack thereof. Ultimately, I approached three. Of these:

· One was about ten years older than me (I had approached specifically because she had not looked as such – she was Asian), and although I had a reasonably amiable conversation with her, she rejected me when I asked for her number.

· One was about ten years older than me, and already had a boyfriend. And I know that she was not lying about this, because said boyfriend reappeared and sat with her. But I just told both of them to take it as a compliment, and they both laughed, so, hey, at least I know how to handle this particular situation healthily.

· One was about ten years older than me, and was already married (should have inspected her finger a little more closely beforehand). But she wasn’t offended either.

I was quite good at talking deeper and slower than last time, at maintaining eye contact, and at saying “umm” and “err” less. I looked away and said those things a few times, but definitely less than last time, and whenever I did so, I immediately caught and corrected myself. A few more nights, and I reckon I can wean myself off this altogether. Joking, flirting, teasing and making assumptions, on the other hand, was harder. I’ve watched videos about how to do this, but it was a lot less obvious re. when and how to do it in real-life than it was therein. I was able to elicit a few laughs, but this will require a lot more practice, I think.

I managed to stick it out until 10:00 PM, like I planned to, and I kept my eyes peeled until the last minute for one last woman in my age range to come in, so I could boast of one last approach (which I really could and would have done). But none did. Considering that I had technically met my goals and ran out of steam, I went home.

Reflection

Well, I guess I can’t count tonight as a failure, given that I did, in fact, approach three women, did, in fact, have slightly better conversations with them than I did the previous night, and did, in fact, stay for as long as I intended to. Somehow, though, it didn’t feel like a success. Perhaps I exceeded my expectations a bit too much on my first night, and that’s led to me overestimating myself. Perhaps this night has brought me back to reality a bit.

My first major takeaway from tonight was that this particular Meetup simply ain’t gonna work. Its target demographic is simply too old. There simply won’t be enough single women within my age range each night for this exercise to be viable thereat. I’m either gonna have to shop around for other ones (and not many are on right now due to covid), or I’m gonna have to start going to bars without the pretext of a Meetup, or do day game, sooner than I originally intended to.

This night also re-emphasized that my post-approach conversation skills simply aren’t on par with my lack of approach anxiety. Again, I need to work on them; need to work at getting better at joking, flirting and making assumptions; acknowledging that it won’t be as easy as in the videos. It would also pay to learn how to single individual women out from large groups and talk to them one-on-one (if anyone can explain, or direct me to an explanation – written or audio-visual – of how to do this, I would appreciate it).

Perhaps this is pessimistic, but I feel like I’m in for a long, hard slog. My first phone number still feels a long way off.

Tally

Primary goal: 100 approaches.

Secondary goal: 1 date.

Tertiary goal: 100 immediate rejections.

Approaches: 10.

Immediate rejections: 1.

Conversations: 8.

Phone number rejections: 2.

Phone numbers: 0.

Dates: 0.

Sex: 0.

Relationships: 0.

Breakups: 0.