Part 1: https://www.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/lgx7pl/putting_the_nice_guy_vs_jerk_vs_kind_debate_to/

Part 2: https://www.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/lhsdnc/putting_the_debate_to_rest_what_happens_when/

This will be the final part of this series of posts. The first two parts focused on dispelling common myths and limiting social conditioning. This post can stand alone, but I suggest you read parts 1&2 so that you understand the impetus for this post. Part 3 will focus on how to apply the content from the last post. So here's our guiding question:

How can we apply and internalize the mountains of principles, knowledge, and behaviors we learn from seduction/dating-focused content? How can we assess which principles are worth taking on?

Any steps we take need to create identity level change. Otherwise, we're putting on a persona, which usually doesn't work. On the rare occasions it does work, you'll feel disconnected from your success because it wasn't really you who got the result. This is exactly what happened to Neil Strauss. If you read The Game, it becomes really obvious that as he learns and gets results, he begins to feel like he has a split personality between his chode self and the version of him having all these amazing experiences. We need to cultivate change in a way that lets us identify with the results of that change.

Steps for creating and internalizing change:

  1. Identify the paradigm or behavior you're considering taking on. Define it specifically, and ensure you document the reasons why you want to take on this principle.
  2. Challenge your limiting beliefs. What social conditioning have I experienced that has kept this paradigm off my radar? Why are other men applying this principle successfully when I can't?
  3. Visualize yourself having internalized this paradigm, or doing this behavior. How do you feel? Do you feel empowered, motivated, free-flowing? You can also watch infield of a coach applying this principle.
  4. Re-asses the principle or behavior. Are there any elements of toxicity (for yourself or others) attached to this? Where did you learn this principle; what are the motivations of whoever taught to you? If parts of the principle aren't consistent with your values, could you adapt the principle to mitigate those negative aspects?****\*
  5. Apply the behavior/principle in practice. How did actually taking action compare to your visualization? Is the result you were looking for being achieved? If not, is the principle incorrect or do you need to polish your application of it?
  6. Accept or reject the principle from your personal heuristic. If you accept it, repeat steps 2 and 5 to solidify and internalize it. Begin to take advantage of the snowball effect and let your mind reinforce you.

**** Note: Step 4 can allow you to implement the effective components of things like dark triad traits WITHOUT actually taking on the immoral aspects, just like medications are designed to maximize effectiveness for their specific purpose while minimizing side effects.

Example of how to apply the framework: You might look at a guy with great game (or a narcissist) and see that they are rarely stifled or stuck in their heads because they feel a constant sense of entitlement and they assume rapport.

  1. I want to assume rapport with new people I meet so that I can feel more confident in social situations. I want to cultivate a healthy sense of entitlement because I want to affirm that I have the right to want things, to be sexual, and to express myself openly.
  2. Negative experiences as a child taught me that people, especially women, won't react to me well. Social media and social conditioning have planted the idea in my head that some basic social behaviors are "creepy." My conservative upbringing and radical feminism taught me that male sexuality is dangerous, bad, or dirty.
  3. When I visualize myself having a free-flowing conversation with a woman I'm interested in I feel fucking alive, present, maybe even euphoric.
  4. Assuming rapport and having healthy entitlement has limits based on social cues and norms. There are situations where I might come across as a bull in a china shop if I don't calibrate appropriately. I can mitigate this risk by being conscious of social cues in the moment, and testing the limits slowly as I learn.
  5. The reality matched my visualization. Combining these two principles also gave me a real sense of freedom from outcome. (Sidenote: assuming rapport, healthy entitlement, and freedom from outcome were the original principles I took on that netted immediate results)
  6. Accept the principles, continue to reflect on my limiting beliefs, reflect on my new reference experiences. (Build the snowball)

I hope this was helpful, curious to see if anyone has anything to add, or maybe some personal anecdotes. This sub has gone a little weird lately, just looking at the front page I see a post saying that "dating coaches will make you infertile" is at the top today. Hopefully, people with a solid combo of experience, brains, and writing ability continue to post quality content. I've seen a few gems over the last few months.

Edit: It's cool that this got pinned. I think it's an important bridge between theory and applying things you learn in the real world. Confused to see it being downvoted considering this is by far the least controversial of the three posts, but I wrote it for the people who PMd me asking for Part 3, not for internet points, so v0v.