Let me start off by saying that I'm a sometimes lurker and I have never posted before, I apologize in advance if I'm fucking up the established order of things or poorly formatting or whatnot. Tonight was the first that I'd ever seen TRP. I took a look a few of the posts, read the glossary and checked out some of the recommended reading. I stopped in to TBP to see if that held any appeal to me and I looked through some of the posts on RPW to get a better understanding of what everyone was bringing to the table. I'll admit that I've got a vast amount of information that I have yet to go through and this post may even be premature, but I feel like I need to make a gesture of a commitment for myself and this seemed like an appropriate place to put it. I would welcome any feedback that anyone hanging in this subreddit might wish to provide be it constructive criticism, a kick in the ass, or outright rebuke. Really I will because I'm a beta. And that's all that I've ever known and that's where I am most comfortable at this point in time.

In looking through some of the material I've come to understand that I'm most closely labeled as a greater beta, and I do know that I have some alpha traits. I don't tend to be pushed around much when it comes to my career or my life’s aspirations with the exception of women. I have more often than not been the giver in prior relationships and I never resented that or felt that anything was out of place, and the relationships were enjoyable - until they ended. And I've allowed the space between to become more prolonged. So I'm willing to try something different. I realize that a lot of things about me and my personality will need to change if I decide to full-on commit to TRP. For me it would be a mindset, and although admittedly I'm not certain what the goals of the vast majority of the population in here might be, I want to be a man and I want to find a woman. That isn't ambiguous. And while I can certainly throw down some beta, I don't play wife. That isn't anything that I want.

My questions then are these: Being that I am genuinely happy sharing my feelings with my exclusive monogamous partner, and derive a great deal of satisfaction in supporting them in fulfilling their ambitions, how right or wrong is TRP for me or me for it? Can I really make a major life change to try for greater alpha so as to blow through all the relationships that I'd have to try out to find the woman that I then pull out my hidden beta charms? Is that even a thing? Is it possible? Is it contrary to the established doctrine and premise of TRP? I guess I'm having an internal struggle atm. I know that I've allowed myself to become an orbiter in the past and I'm done with that. I know that it hasn't come naturally for me to start a lot of new relationships with women and I'm through with that as well. I have no desire to be a PUA and I don't give any fuck about spinning plates unless it is to improve my SMV to find a LTR that I want. I realize now that I've been entirely unaware of the difference between a shit test and a comfort test and I've failed them both countless times certainly leading to my past LJBF episodes. There is no reason that I should be willing to take a back seat to any part of my life or my relationships and I've really now just reached that point. I know exactly what I want for myself and I don't have any qualms or hesitation about taking that and making it mine. Although, again, at present I am ill equipped and insufficiently informed for me to do so efficiently and effectively.

So what I want and what I will go to any measures to obtain is an attractive, intelligent, kind, and compassionate woman who will support me in whatever aspirations I have for my life. And with the exception of there being major discrepancies that we can't negotiate between her ambitions and mine, I want to be exactly that kind of person for her. That’s what I want. And that is the one thing for me right now that is really important. But I also realize that there is a lot of alpha traits that I can utilize to improve a lot of different areas of my life and I need to make some fucking change. Is there any reason that I should stick around this subreddit? Is there a more appropriate sub? Should I just get off of the fucking computer and lift?

Thanks reddit.

tldr;beta troll is beta