Recently I’ve been having to go into the office more often. For years now I’ve worked from home and kept my house tidy, clean, cozy, and have been the one to plan and cook dinners in the evening. My partner can work from home a few days a week and when he goes into the office he typically doesn’t need to be there all day. He can even just stop in for coffee or lunch and it counts towards his “in office” days.

Days when I go into the office are much longer. My commute is 45 minutes+, I end up not communicating with him as much through out the day because I’m busier and my coworkers are around. I’m out of the house the whole day (8am-6pm). On days I’m in the office he’s been a rock. He’ll do the breakfast dishes, make sure the dog has had his walk before I get home in the evening, start dinner, fold laundry, make the bed (I’m still getting used to the earlier mornings because of the added commute so mornings still feel rushed getting out of the door)

It used to be very easy to have a clear “break” in the day after work. He gets home from work and there’s no more stress to think about. Brain turned off, here’s dinner, let’s go on a leisurely stroll with the dog or watch tv or play a board game. There’s just a layer of peace that I want everyone to feel entering our home and I think our evening patterns do that well.

I’m noticing now that when I get home from work both of our brains are still “on”. We’re running on a layer of stress that I’ve always been really good at helping shake off at the end of the day. And I love that he’s picking up some of the things I typically carry when he knows my day is longer, but it matters to me that I know I’m still doing everything I need to do and that he’s only picking things up that he wants to because it is helpful and not because if he doesn’t then no one will.

To add to this, because of the commute in the evening and my earlier alarm the next morning the rest time we have in the evening feels almost rushed and short. If I’m not paying attention I’ll look up after dinner dishes and suddenly it’s time to start getting ready for bed

I’m working on refining my morning routine so things like dishes and making the bed don’t get left all day if I’m not home. And I’m already planning easier meals on days I work so if he does ask whats for dinner or how he can help it is easy to get started (like sheet pan meals)

But I’m curious what your evening routines are? What practices do you have to make sure there is a time that feels restful and peaceful after the stress of a long work day? How do you show appreciation for the support through the day and acknowledge his efforts without also noting that these are “your” responsibilities that he’s picking up.

A part of me was thinking it would be a good idea to always initiate sex on days I work out of the office- do something that creates a positive reward loop so that there’s psychological associations with the long days ending “well” but the long days are also long for me and I’m not sure in practice if that would work out as something that feels restful and intimate or one more thing I’m putting on my list at the end of a long day

I admittedly don’t prescribe to all of the ideas and values of this sub, but I’ve lurked for a long time and when I wasn’t finding a good answer to a recent question elsewhere online I realized this group might just have the perspective I’m looking for.

I’m also neurodivergent and a lot of times things that seem intuitive or natural aren’t to me. I feel a little too often people around me don’t have good relationship advice (like I don’t really want to hear ‘those are his responsibilities too you shouldn’t change anything. It is good he’s taking on a more equal share of house work if you’re working more. That’s just not the environment I’m cultivating in my home) This sub has been really helpful in explaining some of the “why” behind more traditional feminine behaviors and the “how” to actually take steps towards creating the kinds of relationships I want. I’ve appreciated the advice I’ve read here before.

The more details you have the better!

Thanks so much