Here’s my resume.

  • 10.5 years married
  • California
  • 3 kids
  • 1 house (still have a mortgage)
  • 1 car payment
  • No other consumer debt
  • 50k in other assets/investments

Told my wife I wanted a divorce a few years ago and she triangled me in with various people and shame tactics to make me second guess the decision. I’m now at the point of no return due to the abuse and stress that’s become chronic for me, unbearable IYKYK… I told her we’re not doing the court thing and will go through a paralegal for a non contested divorce. She seems onboard.

I’ve been the breadwinner for our marriage and she’s been at home with the kids for the past 3 years. I make well into the 6 figures and told her I would like her and the children to maintain the same lifestyle live in the home which I will pay for the mortgage and give child support for the kids needs. In return she will go get a full time job to provide for herself. Long term once we sell the home we’ll have to revisit the “spousal support” thing. Would like to keep them in the house for at least another 5 years.

Questions: I travel alot for work so it’s unreasonable to think I will be 50/50 with the kids, plus I’m not sure I will have a solid living environment after this. She will be their primary caregiver. From a custody standpoint will it benefit to ask for Joint Legal Custody and give her Sole Physical custody since she will have the home? Or am i missing something? I will likely have to live in my truck or move back in with family for a couple years until i can get back on my feet financially.

Any other advice would be appreciated if you’ve been in my shoes. I know I’m getting taken to the bank financially, which is fine. I would rather lose it all and live in my car then another day walking on eggshells in my own home.