Verbally Abusive Wife?

Warm_Preparation_806 · 2025-05-12T18:58:32+00:00

I have a close male relative who is going through this .

Lugubrious_Lothario · 2024-07-04T18:31:16+00:00

This realization is ultimately what set me free from my miserable marriage. I made mistakes and I owned up to them, but I never saw any kind of reciprocity in that regard from my ex. She would either gaslight me by denying that she had ever said the things she had said (usually when we were in couples therapy) or she would justify/rationalize her behavior when I was broken down, pleading with her to meet me half way.

After we had been trial separated for about a year and we were talking some about giving it another go for our daughters sake I started paying attention again to how she engaged with me. When it became clear that she would always make the choice that reinforced her power in the relationship, no matter the cost to my emotional and mental well-being I knew I could never go back. She was slowly murdering my soul.

I'm still recovering from the fucked up ideas I internalized as part of her campaign of psychological torture to make me controllable, but I no longer wake up at four in the morning in a panic and sneak out of bed so I can hide in the living room for as long as possible so I can have a few hours of peace every day.

I hope other men who see this and recognize this pattern in their own madriages find the strength to say no, and break away from the manipulation and bullying. You are worthy of so much better.

Strict-Front-2375 · 2024-07-04T16:27:48+00:00

Well, it's the same reason you will never, ever see a divorced women say she did something wrong, but you will frequently see men say the same.

For whatever reasons, their is a massive gap in the ability to own 'bad' actions between men and women. And if you can't even admit it, fat chance of improving it

Exactly65536 · 2024-07-03T16:07:56+00:00

He's getting broader and broader in his definition of abuse as he goes.

"They will withhold care". "They will ignore you". That's not abuse, come on. Unpleasant, possibly disappointing, but abuse? No. Abuse is active damage, not the absence of gifts and privileges.

Anyone who thinks they are entitled to other's attention or care are destined to be abused by everyone they meet.

DifferentPack6270 · 2024-07-03T12:51:57+00:00

Thanks man, I will give this a listen. My wife is a raging bitch most days.

yes2matt · 2024-07-03T12:02:06+00:00

If this is happening to you, male or female, you need to document it.

Look up your state laws as to whether recording is single-disclosure or double-disclosure. Remember that these laws pertain to the submission of recordings as direct evidence. Nothing prevents you from recording audio for personal reference, then writing a transcript later. Only in a double disclosure state you will keep your trap shut about the original recording. Time stamps can be valuable, so send yourself an email (two accounts, different passwords, not both automatically checked on the same device) with the transcript as near to the event as you can, obviously in the email you will document the date / time of the original conflict.

If there is physical abuse you need to use your 911 call or the national hotline number to document it the first time and every time.

You are so valuable. You are worth every effort to save and keep safe.

Title	Verbally Abusive Wife?
Author	008muse
Upvotes	23
Comments	8
Date	July 3, 2024 7:24 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1du8fwm/verbally_abusive_wife/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/verbally-abusive-wife.1523086 https://theredarchive.com/post/1523086

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