[FR] She won me back but felt " raped "

26M, 5 year LTR with 26F

5'7 170 lbs, 12%-15% BF, shredded, jacked, veins all around been lifting for several years

Military Air force pilot, money and finances are in order

Started the relationship with RP notions, had just discovered TRP and MRP, improved along the years.

FIELD REPORT

First 1.5 year went smooth, I thought I was the shit. Obviously not since sex started to decrease and i was no longer satisfied. I was kind of new to TRP so i went nuclear and dumped her almost immediately when the sex life started to crumble.

Started seeing this childhood friend after dumping my LTR and lo and behold, my first RP slap to the face :

She knew i was seeing a new girl, but she didnt care. We kept seeing each other just to fuck.

she would skip out of her parents house a 3 am with my favorite lingerie, a buttplug wearing nothing but a trench coat and would suck my dick for the entire ride until i would park in the forest and fuck her in the backseat. Oh and my dick was still drenched in pussy juice from the new girl that i just fucked before picking her up.

I was stunned, this shit really worked... How can she become a total slut for ME even though she knows i'm seeing women ?

Since the sex was good again and she promised to get better in other aspects of the relationship, i took her back as my LTR.

In the following years, during an argument, she would eventually admit that she felt " disgusted at herself " and " almost felt kindda raped " because she only did those slutty sexual acts to win me back. It was " toxic " according her.

Fast forward to year 2,3 and 4 of the relationship, I was diagnosed with a terrible disease. Being a military pilot, i could no longer fly for 2 ENTIRE years before I finally got a treatment that worked.

Unfortunately, depression settled in.

I was weak, pale and very ill. I couldn't train at the gym, couldn't run, lost all my gainz and basically found comfort in video games.

I would play all day, was no longer doing my part around the house ( i lived at her house ), wouldn't take her on as many dates, was angry at her and was constantly screaming and raging at her because of some stupid video games.

During that entire period, she kept being supportive and was even extra caring towards me.

But she got fed up ( obviously, i was a man-child at that point ) and lost attraction for me. No more sex, constant nagging, every single thing that did basically pissed her off.

I got my shit back together. With the new treatment i was able to go back to the gym and regain all of my muscle mass, was able to go back to work and became the man of the house again.

The bedroom was still dead since she had lost attraction, so i sat her on and had THE talk. She was ready to dump me, but so was I !

Once she realized I was also ready to leave her, out of thin air everything was great once again. Like litteraly the morning after we had the talk... great sex, all lovey dovey again, caring for me again, cooking for me again, I was the alpha omega giga sigma chad that she once loved. I was back.

Year 4 went pretty smooth, but the bedroom started to die again. No more nudes, no more blowjobs while i'm driving or while we are watching a movie, lots of what felt like duty sex...

I sat her down once more and told her that I was unhappy with our sex life, i needed more.

I dumped her but she kept coming back, she admitted that she had " taken me for granted ", she was going to change that and would never do that mistake ever again.

I take her back, and out of the blue she starts talking about wanting to implement a Dom/sub dynamic in our sex life AND daily life. Perfect, once again Red pill works and the relationship is even better than ever !

I cheat on her.

Even though our sex life is now the best it has ever been with this new D/s dynamic, I cheat on her with some random hoe and she finds out.

Surprisingly, she's not mad at me. It's " normal, it was bound to happen ". She always felt like she couldn't have me to herself for too long, I have a very high libido and love sex.

She asks me to open the relationship, I tell her no.

I know i've cheated, but she is NOT allowed to sleep with another man to " get back at me " or " to balance the scale since i cheated too ". If she fucks another guyn the realtionship is over. If she wants to dump me because I cheated, fine, I know i fucked up and own it fully.

well, well, well... Surprise surprise...

The fact that i set such a hard boundary about her not being allowed to also fuck another guy is " sexy ", she also forgives me for cheating on her.

Actually, I am now allowed to fuck other girls as long as i keep it casual. She likes feeling like the number #1 girl, my priority, while the other girls that i fuck are just " cum dumpsters ". She loves the competition, but above all, she loves winning the competition with these other women.

Since we only see each other once or twice a month due to my job at an airbase across the country, this works wonders. When i'm away I fuck bitches from tinder, hypergamy is satisfied and I come back to a sex-craving LTR that is also caring and nurturing.

However, i've only had one night stands up since this new dynamic. I eventually end up spending the entire weekend with a girl and my LTR goes nuts.

She realizes that me spending the entire weekend with another girl is something that she no longer accepts.

Mostly due to the fact, that I laugh, spend time, cook, sleep, go on dates etc with this other girl

All of those activities are supposed to be with my LTR only, these bitches are just supposed to drain my balls and that's it.

She calls me and apologizes for changing her mind when it comes to the weekend but is still O.K. with one night stands. She asks me to leave the airbnb where i'm staying with this girl.

I paid for it and it's only friday night. I'm supposed to stay and fuck this bitch until sunday night before i go back to my airbase. I won't be refunded if I leave earlier.

I'm kind of pissed, she changed her mind and tell that I will not leave on friday night. I will compromise on saturday afternoon. That way my LTR is happy that i left earlier, but I can still enjoy this new pussy a couple of times before having to leave.

My LTR ends up calling me on saturday morning crying, saying that I broke her trust, that she can't believe that I would rather stay with some random hoe instead of listening to feelingsand leaving.

She doesn't feel like my number #1, she doesn't feel like she's my priority because otherwise I would have already left the airbnb. She dumps me at the end of the call. End of the relationship.

I realise my fuck up and immediately leave the airbnb, not caring about the other hoe.

I drive 5 hours at 3 AM on sunday morning just to go see my LTR and try to win her back. Why the fuck did I listen to my dick and messed everything up when I had it so good...

It's been 3 weeks since that incident, I feel like I won't be able to " dread " my way out of this. I've spent the last 3 weekends with her and the bedroom is DEAD. very few kisses, hugs and overall intimacy. We are roommates at this point.

She says she doesn't want to leave me, i'm her first love, her first " everything ". But she lost all trust that she had towards me. She's afraid I'll cheat on her again.

She now wonders about the future, she feels like maybe she doesn't love me anymore after what happened. She feels like she now needs to discover what her life would be if she was single. She feels like she wants to now date other guys and see how it's like. She feels like she wants to date someone who will be satisfied with less sex. She feels like she wants to date someone who has a " normal " libido, so she doesn't feel pressured to have sex and in order to maintain that relationship.

Yesterday, she admitted that she felt like she lied to me and to herself in regards to letting me fuck other women. She feels like she only did that to win me back ( sounds familiar ? )

Our sex life was great after we implemented the D/s dynamic, she felt like sometimes she was " raped " because she forced herself to do all of these roleplay sessions, she felt raped because she had to fuck me even when she wasn't in the mood, she felt forced and raped because otherwise I would dump her.

For the past 3 weeks, i've just been a bitch. Being all lovey dovey, giving her all sorts of comfort, continuing to provide for her, giving her my undivided attention even though i get NOTHING in return since she lost all desire and attraction for me.

I know attraction and desire can't be negotiated.

I've told her i'm gonna keep being extra reassuring and loving to give her proof that she can trust me again. I know i'm the one who fucked up and I hope that her attraction comes back so she can love me again if I gain back her trust.

But I know that is it very unlikely, and that i'm prepared if she wishes to leave me. The ball is now in her court.

i'm aware that i'm totally in her frame now and it's mostly bound to fail. But if I'm the one who leaves i know that she wont chase me this time, I really fucked up by breaking her trust.

What I've learned

1 : You've never truly made it, there's always room for improvement. You're not the hot shot you think you are. Don't let your guard down and keep up the grind.

2 : Fucking up even ONCE can destroy months or even years of effort. I think my 2 year depression really messed with her, I wasn't the chad she thought I was even if I eventually got my shit back together.

3 : Lust controls me. This 5 year LTR has consisted of me being unhappy, she ups the sex game to win me back, the bedroom starts to eventually die again because she's unhappy, i'm about to leave and she ups the sex game again. Rinse and repeat. I'm a slave to her pussy and she knows it.

4 : She probably didnt feel " raped " and " forced " at the time because she was somewhat happy. But now that she is back to being miserable, her hamster has decided that she was in fact forced to do all those things to keep me in the relationship, it was " toxic "

5 : She was never truly happy or attracted to me, see https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/3fpefe/every_unhappy_wife_is_a_rape_victim/

I am FAR from where I thought I was in terms of my RP journey, i almost feel like I'm back to square one. will read the sidebar all over again

6 : STFU is one of the important aspects. Looking back, I didn't STFU enough.

7 : Boundaries. NMMNG works, be able to say NO. I still have to work on it though, i am not where i want to be, I can do better.

8 : I gave way too much credit to sex and intimacy levels. There were other signs that I was fucking up but i was too focused on the blowjob-o-meter

9 : D/s dynamics and having the relationship open on your hand is not to be taken lightly. She put herself in a vulnerable position, she trusted me and i fucked it up