Soft next? Do you talk about it?

FrameWalker · 2015-08-13T18:28:59+00:00

I've become a huge fan of soft nexts. It's really more about you than punishing her. When you soft next you take all of the time and energy she was allotted and you refocus it onto yourself. Use it to get new girls, and work on your Smv.

No explanation should be the default. She will suspect that you're not happy with her. The hamster will usually work in your favor. She'll wonder about other women, doubt her own self worth and reflect on what she brings to the relationship. When she comes to her own conclusions about what's going on she'll be enthusiastic about fixing her behavior because it's her idea. Meanwhile you haven't been whiny, or emotional and you somehow got a just a little bit hotter while you were away.

Overdone it can be passive aggressive. Feel it out. Are you overreacting in the situation? Do you have oneitis? It should come from a place of wanting to focus on more productive activities rather than wanting to control her.

The flow should be. 1. Ignore 2.Amused mastery and teasing 3. Walk out of the room, check your phone 4. Soft next no explanation

Calling her out on it can be good. Doing it with too much emotion or discussion is bad. You must be non-reactive and stoic. Be the oak tree.

SkorchZang · 2015-08-13T12:50:25+00:00

I think this is one situation where you'd let the girl know how/why she messed up. Everything depends on the amount of investment SHE has in your thing together (yours is irrelevant). If her investment is fairly high, then she gets the talk - she is going to listen up, and you never know she might decide you're well worth bending over backwards for (plus no man dared school her that way before).

A good frame to adopt for that conversation is "here's what happened, I do not like that at all, and if that's how it is then you're not going to be seeing much of me going forward." Avoid any temptation to dress it up with apologetic qualifiers like "I know you were trying, but...", or "I know it's not your fault, but.." None of that, keep it very direct, in your face, no apologies for yourself or softener added. A typical woman will respond by shifting blame instantly back onto you, so be ready for that and do not entertain any discussion like that - you stated your position and you do not care how/why she thinks it's your own fault, that should just not enter into it. If she starts doing this you can feign utter boredom, basically anything you want instead of engaging it rationally, never engage rationally with a woman it's a trap.

If the investment is low, such as if your thing's new, probably will just waste your time... She doesn't care that you're displeased yet.

secret_barber · 2015-08-13T12:29:17+00:00

It depends on the relationship and the offense. Typically, saying less is the best decision. It's not passive aggressive to honestly move on to something more appealing, a better option.

SeekingTheWay · 2015-08-13T14:43:52+00:00

I would not go the overt way. That way you communicate that she disappointed you to a point that even telling her is a waste of time.

user6580 · 2015-08-13T14:53:04+00:00

I literally just soft nexted my gf and she came running back today so I think I can answer this.

She did something wrong, went too far with a shit test. At first I pointed it out but then I was just creating "drama" for her to feed off.

Conversation went some like this:

"Wtf gf I don't like how you're treating me if you do not respect me I do not want to be in this relationship"

She replies "but you treat me like shit what about x y z nice thing I did for you then you go do all those bad things to me."

After arguing for a while I get fed up, I soft next her.

A day later she apologizes but then ends it with an insult.

Still Nexted.

"Are we not talking anymore"

I just give short responses. "K, idk, idc" etc.

About 2 days after that fight and no talking I get a text "can I come over" I say for a little bit.

No shit tests, she's sitting on my lap being super affectionate. I was pretty pissed off still so wasn't giving her anything.

She gets ontop of me, undoes my pants, playing with my dick, and then she demands we have sex. We fuck, I'm a little less pissed off at her.

What you control as the man, is how much attention you give her. She will never respect your words, only your actions. So soft next her, if she doesn't text you, then just move on with your life. She will respect you for not coming crawling back and might meet her again in the future. Never communicate with words, communicate with action.

Title	Soft next? Do you talk about it?
Author	JohnKwando
Upvotes	3
Comments	5
Date	August 13, 2015 11:22 AM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/3gu6dq/soft_next_do_you_talk_about_it/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/soft-next-do-you-talk-about-it.152373 https://theredarchive.com/post/152373

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