Am I 24F letting go a good man 29M?

tsukaimeLoL · 2024-07-15T08:15:07+00:00

However, he's very absentminded and clumsy and I'm the one taking care of everything most of the time. It ends up in a relationship in which I try to control and supervise everything and he feels judged all the time. This is our main problem that we're trying to solve all the time.

Last Friday he lend me his phone for me to watch a reel on ig and I saw that he had a conversation with a Moroccan girl on his phone. I know that in our 4-month-break he slept once with a Moroccan girl and I took for granted it was her. I asked him and he explained me that this girl was a friend of him from work.

I did not believe him at first and yesterday in the morning I called him and broke up with him. I've been crying and suffering since that moment, we talked yesterday and he told me to wait this week to decide if we may continue trying or break up definetly and forever.

So let me get this straight, he is none of what redpill advocates for, you don't (can't?) respect him, he's probably cheating on you, and you've already broken up multiple times? What exactly is your question here? I've yet to find this good man your title speaks about.

Seems to me you are just grieving the loss of your ideal version of him, rather than the real one.

CountTheBees · 2024-07-15T08:11:09+00:00

Simply based on the fact that you've broken up twice now, no, I don't think you two are right for each other. And this is absolutely a breakup, "week to decide" is rubbish. It's an off again on again relationship. Those generally don't work out, because the reasons you broke up are likely not resolved whenever the relationship restarts. Case in point, why did you break up the first time and was that issue resolved?

> he's 24/7 talking to me

is as patient as he is for me

This makes me think you're anxious, demanding and irrational in a relationship. The answer is to stop being anxious, demanding and irrational rather than looking for someone who will enable that.

Also Moroccan girls are not common where I'm from so it's too much of a coincidence... Bad vibes all around.

Candid_Statement_152 · 2024-07-15T07:35:33+00:00

Do you like the way you see yourself in this relationship?

Do you really love him or do you not want to give up the familiarity that there is always someone who tolerates your bad behavior?

Can he change for the better?

Can you change for the better?

Do you have the notion that love must be difficult and struggle? Because personal beliefs will reflect real life. The more difficult it is, the more effort it takes to prove yourself, the more you confuse it with love, unable to understand the feeling of each day passing peacefully.

serverbinlaggin · 2024-07-15T07:51:22+00:00

If you’re in a relationship where you’re doing and controlling everything, you’re gonna be tried and exhausted as fuck once a kid comes into the picture.

Seems like you’re in love with the potential of this guy more than what he actually is. Love is nice and great but Hollywood sells us a fantasy. Try to evaluate the relationship without any emotions, cause making emotional decisions normally isn’t the right decision imo, especially if you’re planning to spend the rest of your life with this person?

countrylemon · 2024-07-15T13:42:02+00:00

Think you’ve got a lot of confidence building to do. Too much of your self worth is wrapped up in him and that’s not conducive to a successful relationship.

My grandma always said, it’s not two 50% people coming together to become 100%, it’s about two 100% people coming together to become 200%.

Sounds like you’ve been trying to force this man into your “perfect partner” box for far too long and he just won’t fit. He has traits you can’t ignore and he makes you feel unsafe and insecure.

Like the others mentioned I didn’t see you list anything that shows he’s the right man for you.

PsychoticNurse · 2024-07-15T16:01:07+00:00

I don't see anything in what you've written that shows he's a leader. If you're having this much stress now, imagine how it would be if you marry him. Dating is the time to see if you're compatible to spend your life with someone, not to try to work on all the things that stress you.

My first marriage was to an absent minded clumsy man who expected me to take the man's role and lead. I was miserable, and he couldn't even decide what to wear the next day and I had to pick (no lie, this really happened). It turned into him becoming verbally then physically abusive, he cheated, was addicted to porn, criticized all my goals/dreams, tried to get me fired from my job (he was upset I made more than him). He wanted me to be in control, then was mad that I was. Please note I'm not saying your ex is like that, I'm just giving my experience with a man who is like that. All the women I know irl who are married to men like this are absolutely miserable. At first they all thought it was so cute, but it gets really old very quickly, especially once you have kids and other household responsibilities.

Also, a person who wants to cheat will find the time to cheat. Even if they're talking to you 24/7. People who actually live with their partner find time to cheat. That would be enough reason for me to break up with him. I wouldn't tolerate my partner talking to women, or having female "friends" that he slept with.

Finally, I strongly suggest you also do some serious self reflection on your own behaviors. Why do you want to control and supervise everything? Do you feel like you need to do this, or is it because he's not doing things the way you like? What behaviors do you manifest due to your avoidant attachment personality? Has anyone else ever mentioned negative behaviors to you? Those are questions for you to answer to yourself honestly, not here. We have to work on ourselves first before we can attract the type of man we need in our lives. It's great you're aware of these, but we have to work on our own negative personality traits and behaviors.

GothicHarmony44 · 2024-07-15T19:41:06+00:00

Sounds like a lack-mindset thinking that you’ll never find someone better.

Small-Sun- · 2024-07-15T08:29:31+00:00

Being the one taking care of most things in a relationship is enough to make me feel like he does not see you as the “woman of his life” despite you thinking that he might be the “man of your life.”

Also, if you truly did not think he had anything going on with the Moroccan girl then you wouldn’t have broached the topic. I think you’re just putting him on a pedestal.Trust your intuition.

AutoModerator · 2024-07-15T07:11:37+00:00

Title: Am I 24F letting go a good man 29M?

Author starswhenushine

Full text: Me 24F and my boyfriend 29M have been together for a year with a break up of 4 months in between. Life put us together again after that 4-month-break and we decided to start again and fight for our relationship to work again.

However, he's very absentminded and clumsy and I'm the one taking care of everything most of the time. It ends up in a relationship in which I try to control and supervise everything and he feels judged all the time. This is our main problem that we're trying to solve all the time.

Last Friday he lend me his phone for me to watch a reel on ig and I saw that he had a conversation with a Moroccan girl on his phone. I know that in our 4-month-break he slept once with a Moroccan girl and I took for granted it was her. I asked him and he explained me that this girl was a friend of him from work.

I did not believe him at first and yesterday in the morning I called him and broke up with him. I've been crying and suffering since that moment, we talked yesterday and he told me to wait this week to decide if we may continue trying or break up definetly and forever.

I miss him so much, but my friends and family tell me to break up and stop talking to him. My mind says it is for the best but I fear being mistaken. What if he's the man of my life and I'm letting him go because I don't want to fight for the relationship and make and effort? What if I don't find someone that loves me like he does and is as patient as he is for me?

I want to get married and have a family, but I don't want to settled for someone that may not be the one, but I guess I will never know.

I feel very confused about this. Last time I broke with him it was easier because I was fed up of his sometimes weird behaviors, but now I don't feel ready to stop having him in my life. I'm not in love like in the movies, but somehow I love him and I feel like I'm breaking a relationship that could get better with time and effort. I'm just crying and having a terrible time thinking of our good times that may not return.

He's being so patience with me since I have avoidement attachment and I feel like leaving the relationship every time that something is not working. I have this week to think and decide whether if we give this one last shot or not. Thinking of the possibility of not seeing him anymore, not hugging him or kissing him anymore is killing me.

Genuinely, I don't think he has anything with the Moroccan girl since he's 24/7 talking to me and I feel like he's giving me his full attention everyday.

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Title	Am I 24F letting go a good man 29M?
Author	starswhenushine
Upvotes	5
Comments	13
Date	July 15, 2024 7:11 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1e3ok6z/am_i_24f_letting_go_a_good_man_29m/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/am-i-24f-letting-go-a-good-man-29m.1524337 https://theredarchive.com/post/1524337

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