I need to have a difficult conversation with my wife as a first step to trying to get out of this mess of a marriage

Tvcypher · 2024-08-19T17:52:40+00:00

Before you do or say anything, Talk to a lawyer. Tell them what you are considering and ask them for legal advice. Anything anyone here tells you will likely not be applicable in your personal legal situation.

Affectionate-Sock-62 · 2024-08-19T16:38:02+00:00

I think you’re on the right set of mind for the most part. It’s not easy but you’ve finally decided that the best for you is to leave. And on top of that you still have some concern or awareness about how this will affect her.

I’d say the best strategy is to figure out beforehand what your limits are. How far you’re willing to go. Maybe help her with the expenses for a year? 3 months? 1 week? How much $ would you spare there? Will you be leaving or expecting her to leave? Timeframes? All those details, define where your limits are, how far you’re willing to go for the other person, and stick to that like your life depends on it. That limit is up to you to decide.

You can’t control her reactions. Let her be, let her have her reaction, it’s her right. You can only control yours. Knock on wood, if she’s not working and a source of income will be closed, almost anyone would react poorly. Let her be and have your limits well defined for when that happens. I don’t know her, but using the kids is not unheard of in separations. Talk to them before you talk to her, let them know something might happen and to not be scared, I’d tell them a discussion may happen and that I’ll talk to them later about it if needed.

Louis_Litt_esq · 2024-08-19T18:36:22+00:00

I was also 14 years deep into a marriage with two kids, always struggled financially. I ran the numbers and we couldn't afford to divorce (no way for her to survive). Here's what I did - first, plant the seed that its not working out, and you hate it, but it is what it is. With a bit of time, she'll likely realize that it isn't working out either and divorce will start looking more attractive. When you're both on the same page about getting divorced, start laying out how expensive divorce it, how much attorneys cost etc. Explain that it is much easier, and much cheaper, to agree to terms first and only hire an attorney to do the filing etc. To give her peace of mind, let her hire the attorney and draft the paperwork according to what you guys agreed to, you hire an attorney for a couple of hours just to review the document. Propose an even split of assets and debts, to the extent it makes sense. Get the divorce filed and final with joint funds, then when everything is final, walk away and start picking up the pieces of your financial life, and getting things straight. Doesn't take nearly as long as you think when you don't have the burden on you that you previously had. No one wins in drawn out divorces.

Empty_Possession6955 · 2024-08-19T22:53:06+00:00

Talk to a lawyer before you talk to her

judgefro · 2024-08-21T23:55:00+00:00

I hate to say this but as a lawyer, speak to a lawyer. I'm a family lawyer, and dealt with alot divorces. Each divorce is different, each state is different. Try to see if there are any firms or lawyers that are willing to do pro Bono work.

My job is mostly making sure my clients are safe. Please talk to one, I want to you to be as safe as possible. And don't be ashamed to ask firms/lawyers if they are able to work pro Bono or if they can recommend another firm/lawyers for pro Bono work. We are expensive and sadly most people come to us at some of the worst points in their lives. Most lawyers won't judge you and if they do fuck them.

johnnywayne28 · 2024-08-27T19:44:10+00:00

100% get control of all your money, then transfer what is needed to pay the bills, nothing more. Liquidate your asssest and hide them or maybe give them to your mother or someone that won't screw you over, pull it out in cash and random amounts do not do transfers . Casinos are a good way to clean up your money, get it in chips or on a slot, gamble 20 and cash out under tax limit (remember you have a gambling addiction BTW) .Once I cut off any extra money to my ex, she had to get a job. Also, you first king f that trick, you and the kids are all that matters. Cancell any subscriptions you don't need and live on the minimum amount of money needed like its hard times cause it is.

Title	I need to have a difficult conversation with my wife as a first step to trying to get out of this mess of a marriage
Author	Terrible_Mastodon_50
Upvotes	27
Comments	11
Date	August 19, 2024 4:03 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MenSupportMen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/mensupportmen/comments/1ew5lun/i_need_to_have_a_difficult_conversation_with_my/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MenSupportMen/i-need-to-have-a-difficult-conversation-with-my.1527726 https://theredarchive.com/post/1527726

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