Hi, I understand this is a men's space and I don't mean to overstep. Posting here because I'm genuinely at a loss about how to help and feel like this is way above my head, and you guys seem like a very positive community. I'm 34 and don't have kids or many friends older than 30s, so I feel like I don't know what I'm doing.

Two months ago I made a new friend. She is 39 and married to a 54-year-old man. They are both of South Asian heritage. They have 2 sons, ages 14 and 18. They were based in Singapore for their entire marriage and recently moved to NYC. Due to her visa status, she has had to return to Singapore and can't re-enter the US for 4 months. The 18 year old son just started college in a different state in the US, and the 14 year old son is living with the husband. She texted me in a panic, saying that her husband is going through a deep depressive phase and has started talking about ending his life. He is non functional and she is also worried about the impact this is having on the 14 year old. I'm researching mental health resources in our city (NYC) and also sent her recommendations for therapists and psychiatrists but she said that her husband is too nonfunctional to actually do any of these things. Plus mental health professionals in NYC are insanely expensive (starting at $250 an hour) and it might burden their single income household even more.

Do you guys have advice? Should I recommend any specific resources? I don't want to overwhelm him with a million links for online and in person support groups - I think he may be more open to 1 or 2 tailored recommendations. I've collected the names of several men's support groups suggested in various threads in this subreddit, but hope to connect him to the right one.

I'm extremely wary because I feel like I don't really know what I'm doing and I'm worried about overstepping boundaries or making the situation worse. I also just met her 2 months ago, so I don't have a lot of context. I feel terrible because she's new to the US and doesn't seem to have any other female friends. I've offered to take in the son in if he ever needs a safe space to stay, have him over for dinners etc, but she and I recently met and I barely know her family members so understandably, her son doesn't feel close to me.

I don't know the husband very well and from what I understand from her, he's having a mid life crisis where he feels like his life is over, he never amounted to much, he's obsessed with comparing himself to other men in his age group and how he never got "what he deserved" in life, and generally feels like he hates himself and everyone is better off without him. The one time my partner and I met him over a dinner, he spent the majority of his time using a photo aging app to look at what he would like if he was younger, and made comments about how at 34 we're young, have our whole lives ahead of us, and have accomplished way more than him. I think he also discouraged her to hang out with me after that dinner, because I used to see her almost daily at our walking club and she stopped showing up soon after that. He was born and raised in the US, went to West Point, served in the military (Gulf War), moved to Singapore to marry her after they met on online about 19 years ago, and they moved to the US this summer so the 18 year old son could attend college here and the younger son can start high school. He works a remote job for a tech company in Asia and is very socially isolated.

I've been reaching out to him for the past few days to see if he would be open to hanging out with my boyfriend and me. I have offered to swing by with a hot dinner, have him over for dinner, take him out to a coffee shop or restaurant for dinner, and even have a picnic at the park so he can get some fresh air. He hasn't responded so far, and my friend is losing her mind. My boyfriend feels empathy for my friend but doesn't really enjoy the husband's company, but he's open to hanging out with him for my friend's sake and is always very cordial when they've crossed paths. But everytime I've nagged my boyfriend to reach out to my friend's husband, he texts something basual like "Hey bro how are things", the guy responds "All good man" and they don't really talk or make plans.

To be honest I've never had any close male friends, all my friend are girls around my age and I am also worried that my approach or efforts to help are grounded in my social context, and I don't want to make the guy feel worse. Any advice you may have would be greatly appreciated.