Would copying their avoidant attachment style work? When im the complete opposite

hyperflammo · 2024-09-24T13:05:24+00:00

IMHO in this case you probably want to slow down a bit, figure out your framework, self assurance, to get to the choices. There is a possibility that you may not want to engage a FA or DA at all, if you have bpd tendency.

Fake it would not last long, and would very likely generate unnecessary irritation and conflicts in both of you intensively. More painful to you than to them if they are DA type. Just my thought...

RapFuzzy · 2024-09-24T13:38:25+00:00

You can play along but the mask and facade will fall away soon enough and you’ll be seen for how you really are.

razama · 2024-09-24T16:18:03+00:00

If you are diagnosed with BPD, your job is to manage that and have your life in order and most importantly, learn about setting and respecting boundaries without conflict

All that other stuff is going be viewed and used as manipulation tactics which is how you are already framing it in your language. Understanding your attachment style and theirs can help with empathy and communication, but ultimately you can't "copy" a style of attachment. All attachments besides secure attachments are unhealthy and not controllable. If someone tells you otherwise, that's arm chair internet nonsense.

So don't worry about your partner's actions and their attachment style. That is their responsibility and you are overstepping trying to even consider managing it. Copying it is a form of managing it, not to mention you're fake for doing it, and you will create a mask that will fail in time as the weight of wearing it catches up. You need to focus on what little thing you need to do day to day to be secure with yourself.

Copper1233 · 2024-09-24T19:25:29+00:00

My ex has BPD. She emotionally fucked me up 7 ways from Sunday with her heavy lovebombing, following by unrelenting demands for me to match her energy, in her endless quest for a security she was unable to have, due to her BPD. This might be hard to hear, but i know from heavy research, and over 2 years of experience, most BPD people are unable to have healthy relationships with others without extremely heavy self work and therapy.

This isn't a character dig.. but if you actually care about this person, I'd genuinely recommend seeking professional help.

If you change yourself / play games to be exactly what they want to gain their affection, eventually the mask is going to slip, and they'll realize they've fallen in love with a fabricated personality that doesn't actually exist. They are going to get hurt, badly.

PurchaseStatus3885 · 2024-09-25T00:27:59+00:00

I wouldn’t say match avoidance: learn to be secure.

If they throw out a ton of reasons they don’t want to be around you, trust them and just say you’ll see them later - not cutting them out or creating a hard break, and it allows them to come back non-embarrassed if they really do want you

PurchaseStatus3885 · 2024-09-25T00:34:04+00:00

And also btw having deep infatuations to someone is not necessarily BPD: you could have learned from some BPD examples or lived in a dynamic that often fosters that kind of reaction, but that can still be a learned reaction that doesn’t fit full diagnosis. I thought I was BPD for the same reasons, my brother shortly after told me he was BPD, and that completely changed my mind: he has psychotic tendencies that I don’t, which leads to literal physical harm as well, and his accountability over those things is severely lacking…

But the BPD crash is immense. He daydrinks and is a total doomer. I got better because I understood the Why of my actions not being equitable and even that my actions of being, “a little too clingy,” Are not the same as entrapment to remove someone else’s free will.

Get an actual diagnosis if you think you have it, but otherwise you probably don’t if you’re regularly self-reflective.

Title	Would copying their avoidant attachment style work? When im the complete opposite
Author	Timely-Might-9170
Upvotes	4
Comments	9
Date	September 24, 2024 11:52 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1foal3m/would_copying_their_avoidant_attachment_style/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/would-copying-their-avoidant-attachment-style-work.1531233 https://theredarchive.com/post/1531233

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