Hi,

me - lifting / reading TRP since March 2014, no alcohol / nicotine since early 2011, reading a lot of self-improvement and psychology stuff.

About my question... I did an amount of searching TRP subreddit and reading things about loneliness, nothing seems to fit. I know it is lonely at the top and I know that many people won't go where I am going, I accept that, but my case is NOT this case.

My question is... what the hell is that "loneliness" thing, why does it make me feel uneasy, how do I overcome it, how do I make it my friend?

That "loneliness" I'm writing about... in the evening, when I don't have anyone around, for example, when I'm at work, doing a night shift... it feels uneasy, just that. I'm calling one or two friends of mine, but that's not fixing it. I'm talking to some coworkers but it's not fixing it.

I'm thinking that a proper relation with a proper woman will fix it, but on the other hand I realize that this is bullshit, I'm just bullshitting myself.

When I was at home (not at work) and I started to feel like that, in the evening, when I did everything that needed to be done at home that day... I just took my computer and left to some cafe... it immidately fixed me. I ordered some coffe, but that did not matter... what mattered was that I heard people all around me. I was not lonely anymore. I was around people, even if those were people I don't know, they seemed friendly to me. I didn't care at all who they were. I was friendly to them. They helped me with that uneasy feeling.

I realized yesterday, that in the past I did exactly the same thing - I escaped the loneliness of my own home - only that I drank a lot then.

On the other hand, the situation at home may be important too. Years ago I left because of shitty situation with my parents. Today I'm leaving because of shitty situation with my wife (I'm preparing for a divorce already). Maybe that's the one and only thing I need to fix...