TL;DR - General advice for a woman who has been "awoken" by this sub. Might delete later.

I stumbled across his sub and have been intrigued by its content.

Background. 32F. I am an immigrant living in the United States, I am African and have been here for a decade. Family is "Traditional/conservative". Moved to the United States by myself at 22, all family is still in Africa. I am 5'10, used to be a runway model/pageant girl before I moved here to "go to college and settle down". I honestly do not have a lot of n-count, maybe because I was so busy modeling and didn't have time to date, yes, I was constantly around wealthy men and all but they only saw us as objects and the single men thought we (models) were out of their league so they never approached me. After I did all the modeling/pageant stuff and there was no new runway or pageant to get into, I decided to move to a different continent. I guess per this sub, I hit my wall. I wanted a fresh start, a degree, new career, etc. I have a shit ton of degrees but to be honest, IDGAF about them, it was only to make my dad proud. I never considered myself a 10, I was around beautiful women all my life so I will say I am a good 7 or maybe an 8 at my best. IDK, I guess beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.

Fast forward, met this wonderful man, to me, he was my dream man. 6'4", black, chiseled, generous, good family, social butterfly, big dick and can use it really good, goofy, funny, etc. We got married and currently have a toddler. Yes, I bounced back, I have always been conscious of my looks as a former model/pageant girl so I make sure I stayed in the gym, ate healthy, I have long natural hair (locs/dreadlocks) and keep my feet/nails manicured always. Being in the fashion industry for so long, I took interest in clothing construction so all my outfits are custom made/tailored by me.

I found out he cheated on me with this girl he's known for a very long time, she reached out to me on instagram after I posted a date night with him and sent screenshots of their conversation. of course, he denied, denied, denied till I packed my bags and moved into a hotel and he confessed. I asked him to send all their texts conversations, he deleted most of them immediately I asked but I work in IT/software development and I am up to date with all iOS software updates, one of them is being able to retrieve deleted text messages, its an iPhone feature that had just come out at that time so not everyone knew about the feature. Anyway, I retrieved the deleted messages and read through the text messages, compared them to the timeline and discovered he cheated with that girl while we were dating, when I was pregnant, post partum, brought the girl around our child/house, etc. These made me start the divorce process as I felt betrayed at that time. I told my mum about the cheating and the divorce and as traditional and catholic as she is, she told me to go back to my matrimonial home and blamed his cheating on all me. She had spoken to him when I told her about my divorce intentions and he cried to her so my mum was really pissed at me for making a "grown man cry". My dad is deceased, she said she kept her end of the "religious bargain" by staying till death did them part and I should do the same. She said he will always be a man and his happiness should be my priority and if I wasn't weaponizing sex, he wouldn't have cheated. I read the affair messages dating back to a year before we met, and I call feel is pity for him, the girl was always disrespecting him cos he constantly begged for sex, I felt more empathy for him, that was when I decided to look for answers myself cos this girl who is maybe a 3 or 4 at best have the audacity/privilege to insult him cos of sex. My husband is a good 8 or maybe 9, people droll over him cos he has such a good presence, and I am sad I brought him down to a pathetic beta male.

He cried to me and said he would never cheat again and will instead divorce me before cheating again. Anyway, I love my husband and decided to stay and work on the marriage. Since I decided to stay, I refrained from bringing up the affair and but wanted to understand why he cheated, if it would happen again, how to prevent it, etc. I started researching why men cheat. I found the DeadBedroom sub, learned a whole lot and quickly recognized that I was denying him sex, so I stop rejecting sex. He would tell me to always take a shower at 8:30pm, I did and still do. I was always ready for him. I was open to whatever he needed and made it a priority to meet his needs, I became happy and complimented him on his looks when he would go out with friends instead of nagging, I started learning about American football and got interested in this hobbies, I never brought work home - we both make 6 figures but he make more. We were in a dead bedroom/marriage despite being together/married for less than 5 years and I wanted to turn it around, I know the dead bedroom/marriage goes both ways in terms of faults but I am taking responsibilty for mine, I did shit test him a lot and would nag, call him out of this name, seek unnecessary attention/validation, just pushing him away. There wasn't any romance or anything in the marriage, it was literally dead, I just didn't realize it.

At DeadBedroom sub, they named my behavior "hysterical bonding" but it's been over a year since I have made these changes and according to the sub, hysterical bonding lasts for a few weeks/months so I went searching, again, for what was going on with me. I love where we are as a couple just like when we started dating but again, I am just scared of us going back to the rut. I do not want this hysterical bonding to stop as we are in a good place - better than the marriage has been - so I stumbled across this sub. Everything on this sub is sadly true. I am maybe becoming "Americanized" but I want to go back to being "traditional".

I love my husband and I do not want to be contempt, I am tired of the stupid shitty tests I do which I have been recognizing since reading this sub but I am not sure how to completely stop it. I gave up all control per my mum and to be honest, it's like an entire weight have been lifted off my shoulders, I just want to work, contribute to share of the household, take care of my child and husband. That is it. I am completely full and grateful of life tbh. My husband used to be an alpha male when I met him which is the reason why I got attracted to him in the first place but I guess since we got together, he became a beta male. I want my marriage to last, I recognize how important a male figure is in my life and our child, yes, he doesn't change diapers frequently or do household chores like I do but I recognize the protection, security and support his presence brings so I am content and grateful for that.

From this sub, he was an alpha, got together with me and became a beta male. I understand better about women psychological wiring from this sub, everything said here is true - we women have insecurities, we do shit tests, we know the biological clock is ticking and we are hitting a wall, we low-key like fuck boys and like to be degraded - not publicly - in the bedroom, we like to please, it is honestly depressing being in control in a relationship, do not let those old honey women talking about being independent fool anyone. No girl wants to be alone, we all crave companionship, again, everything on here is true, it is just sad to be labelled a "pick me" when you point these out so we hide behind being a "feminist" or "an independent / successful woman".

I want him to get back to being his alpha self, how do I go about doing this? I asked him if he's aware of Redpill/Bluepill, he said no, I believe him cos aint no way he will be with me all these years of me shit testing him. Sorry for the long post but I want him to be happy, him being happy/peaceful makes me happy and at peace. I just do not want to go back to our old dead marriage, so how do I stay in this new found mindset? How do I be pro TRP? I am scared if he continues being beta, I might go back to my old ways per female wiring. How do I prevent this? I know I am rambling but how can I just make my man happy and hopefully get his alpha self back? Also, I am honestly open to learning how men think, how can I can better myself in being a good person, wife, friend, mum, female, etc. Be as honest as you can be, I am here to learn. Thanks