Frame is who you are. You can fake it till you make it, but eventually you must make it or get off the can. There is no substitute for doing in life. Everyone can tell by your words and actions what your frame is. Recently I’ve had a couple of experiences which prompt me to write on this topic. In this post I will talk a bit on projection and signs of insecurity. And make the case that life experience is king.

Experience #1 Barista Loses His Cool

There is a coffee shop that I frequent every now and then, as such most of the regulars know me, including the staff. I was waiting in line when I spotted some elderly women 60’s plus, and I decided to make some small talk with them. After talking with them for a few minutes (the line was long) one of the gals said “I think you’d be a good fit for my granddaughter.” To which I replied “well if she is anything like you, then I am in for a lot of trouble.” They laughed ordered their drinks and went away.

When it was my turn to order the Barista guy seemed kind of pissed off. I was ordering my drink when the barista said

“You know Alpha Bunny I think I heard you once say that speaking loud is a sign of insecurity.”

I was caught a bit off guard with the comment and how it was delivered. After thinking for a bit, I remembered the conversation he was referencing. “That’s not something I’ve said. What I said in the past was that the person talking the most shit is the one that can’t handle himself.”

I looked him in the face and he just looked down and toward the side before commenting “well I am just saying.”

I looked at him, smirked and said “now that I think about it, I want some banana bread with my coffee!”

Experience #2 Establishing the Pecking Order

I worked on a new project with a brand-new group of guys. And as with most new groups I could tell that people were sizing me up. Part of this is because I was the most ripped guy on the project. Over the course of a couple of weeks, I had guys come up to me and ask seemingly random questions.

A guy called Slim said “Hey Alpha Bunny, if you and Bill were to get in a fight, who do you think would win?”

I responded that “Bill looks pretty tough, and in a fight, you can never really tell who would win, but I think we’re about even.”

Slim seemed surprised and he and somehow Bill, warmed up to me quite a bit over the next few days. Slim even asked me for workout advice.

Another guy Josh wanted to arm wrestle.

I told him “That’s not really my thing, you’d probably win.”

Prior to that conversation Josh was a bit stand offish, after that he initiated some conversations and we talked about hunting and shooting.

A few more guys made similar queries to which I responded in a like manner.

And wouldn’t you know it? They all warmed up to me and I ended up going to the gym with a few of the guys.

Projection and Weakness

What kind of person goes around accusing others of cheating? The one that’s cheating. Who goes around calling other people insecure? The one that’s insecure. It is nothing but projection. This need to project is done to get the focus off of themselves and unto others. The thought goes something like this “if I accuse others of the thing, I am guilty of, others will focus on them and not on me.”

But it’s a dead giveaway. Its like people who’ve recently become rich, they walk around with designer clothes and flaunt their wealth to prove that they are rich. The really rich people that I know are not so flamboyant, they do not draw attention to themselves; they drive good but not flashy cars and wear clothing without logos. They know that they are rich, they have nothing to prove to anyone. In fact, they don’t want that kind of attention.

Strength and Experience

The Strong and Seasoned have nothing to prove for the simple reason that they’ve done it. Ever meet a pro fighter in any martial art? They are the most down to Earth people I’ve known. What about a combat veteran? Its similar. Not everyone is that way, but its more or less a pattern I’ve noticed. Those that have fought are the least likely to respond to provocations, justified or not.

It takes nothing away from me to say I that someone else looks tough. Or that so and so looks like they’d be tough. Now imagine I went around saying that I could kick everyone in that project’s ass. Or if I called people weak for not being in the military. It screams weakness.

 

Final Thoughts

Like most of my writings on frame, its not about larping or faking a persona. Your actions and behavior should stem from who you’ve become. You game girls not because you are trying to, but because you are the game. You carry yourself with confidence not because of bravado, but you’ve already been tested in life. If you feel the need to prove something in any area of life, it’s probably and indicator that you need some work, which is fine; my only council is that you gain that experience and become instead of talking.

 

 

 

Respectfully,

 

 

The Most Alpha of Bunnies