I've been living in a new country (Kazakhstan) for a while, trying to find a romantic partner, but it's been a long and draining journey. I kept putting in energy — trying to initiate, connect, and be emotionally available—but I wasn’t getting anything back. The dating culture here seems very passive, like many women expect to be courted endlessly without showing initiative in return.

I do believe there are good women here—women who are willing to take initiative and meet you halfway—but they’re rare. The real issue now is that after so much one-sided effort, my brain seems to have gone into “energy-saving mode.”

Lately, I find socializing to be boring. I anticipate that I’ll entertain people, they’ll enjoy it, and then disappear—leaving me drained and alone again. As a defense mechanism, I’ve started avoiding new social interactions altogether. I’m subconsciously protecting myself from what feels like a pointless energy sink.

But I also know this is a trap. If I don’t have energy and motivation to talk to people, even if I do meet a good woman—someone who is emotionally generous and proactive—I might not be able to connect with her.

This pattern isn’t just in dating. I’ve had the same issue with friends. I used to give, support, and invest in friendships, but very few people showed genuine interest or initiative toward me. Eventually, I stopped trying.

For a while, I thought this was social anxiety. But after some serious self-reflection, I realized that’s not it. I’m comfortable with myself. My self-esteem is fine. I like who I am. The problem is motivational. I’ve had so many unrewarding social experiences that my brain just doesn’t believe in trying anymore.

I recently hit a real low—an emotional breakdown from loneliness. But now I’m slowly starting to recover. What I desperately need is to figure out how to reignite the drive to connect with others, how to trust that it might be worth it again.

Has anyone else experienced this?
How did you break the loop and start connecting with people again—without feeling like you were setting yourself up to be drained?

Any insights, mindset shifts, or strategies would be appreciated.

Thanks for reading.