Doing everything ‘right’ - so why am I still invisible to women?

hunterpua · 2025-05-05T16:20:42+00:00

For this situation, it's better to think of seduction the same way you think of training in the gym.

One of the most important parts of training in the gym is tracking progress.

Tracking your lifts and tracking your body composition and seeing whether things are trending in the direction you want or not and then making adjustments from there.

If you're still invisible to women then you aren't doing everything right and you need to make adjustments.

Change some stuff up and then take note of the reactions you get, do they stay the same, become more positive, or become more negative?

And let that inform what you do moving forward.

Keep repeating the process until you've identified all the practices and ways to execute them that gives you the best results.

NoPlantain9426 · 2025-05-05T16:39:31+00:00

From what I’m reading, you’re saying you give more energy than you receive. This might be the issue.

Either you want it too much or you just try to be as enthusiastic as possible, it gives off “needy” and “desperate” vibes.

Try to mirror the amount of energy given and also try to play a bit with the amount of energy. If you like something, give a bit more energy and lean in. If you’re evaluating a response, lean back and think before you speak.

Remember: they also need to work in order to get you, it’s not a one way street. Good luck!

HotAir25 · 2025-05-05T14:48:35+00:00

I’m probably not the right person to help you here but are these women you approach giving any signs of interest beforehand?

tonyferguson2021 · 2025-05-05T17:23:14+00:00

How do you approach a cute cat in your neighbourhood?
I would drop to their level and let them smell my hand.

Cats are curious, they love people and being stroked, but they will run like lightening if you approach to fast or chase them.
Things need space to emerge, lean back feel the space between you and the other.

The ‘wall of indifference’ could be that person running out of things to say or maybe she is feeling awkward, can you be comfortable in the face of that wall?
how about creating tension in the form of awkward silences or just communicating more with your body than your words.

It’s awesome to be curious about others and it’s Better to be ‘interested‘ rather than ‘interesting,’ but remember no one wants to be interviewed, and people (especially women) love mystery and not exactly knowing where she stands.

perhaps when you talk to a woman it could be more about you vetting her, rather than seeking her approval.
Pull away, create space, people want what they can’t have…

As for visibility, it’s kinda cliche but an element of masculinity is ‘sight,’ SHE needs to be seen (and felt) it’s not about you being ‘seen’ you are the one who sees, so give her quality attention, perhaps just saying what you notice that others might not, and saying how that made you feel

Lopsided_Task1213 · 2025-05-05T15:08:52+00:00

Women typically date older these days, 2-6 years older, and you are still fairly young. Your age window is pretty small right now, 18-22, and they are mostly still in college.

Excellent_Reply_8166 · 2025-05-05T15:12:26+00:00

Idk what I see nowadays is that any topic that is barely intellectual is just boring for most. Everybody prefers what is superficial because you use less energy for it, you don't make efforts so to speak. Anything that involves drama and gossip is preferred.

I mean no offense but the majority only scroll on their phone and barely learn anything new, reading anything that goes beyond a 2 minutes read is already too much and seen as boring.

Also sounds like they lack maturity, as again the majority also prefer the guy who just flirts and teases them all the time, tells them exactly what they want to hear to get them, until the guy leaves them and then they have a new drama to talk about with their girlfriends.

Of course I don't want to generalize but this is what I'm seeing in society nowadays. Acting mysterious and unavailable also does the trick sometimes. It depends. Wishing you well!

MineDesperate2920 · 2025-05-05T16:45:45+00:00

It’s going to be the vibe or the energy you’re giving off. Sounds like you have all the logististical things covered. Hopefully you workout too.

If I had to guess you come across as too need and too interested. There’s always an underlying power dynamic going on and you want to win it. If you’re always chasing and she has all the power it’s always going to make u lose. You need to let her come to you. Rule #1 don’t be needy

Masrmasry · 2025-05-05T18:10:01+00:00

Do you talk to them a lot? If tho stop it, players let women speak more. You are needy, and women don’t like that, don’t act busy. Be busy by focusing first on yourself, but from what you said, you focus more on seducing women. If you are focusing on your goals for real, and have goals this is by itself turn them on

Due-Campaign-5157 · 2025-05-05T19:07:07+00:00

Even if you "do everything right" nothing is promised. Move around the city maybe the girls in your area ain't for you.

Realistic-Load-1302 · 2025-05-05T21:02:02+00:00

You’re showing up polished, consistent, open… but maybe too refined. There’s no tension, no polarity, no edge. Women feel it when there’s nothing to “figure out.”

Most guys in this zone have unknowingly become emotionally available but energetically forgettable. If a girl can sense that you’d make a great boyfriend for someone but not necessarily her, you get stuck in that invisible middle space. Happens more than people realize.

There are a couple things I’d want to ask you before I give a more tailored take, but I’ve seen this pattern a lot. If you’re down, shoot me a DM

hghg432 · 2025-05-12T03:16:59+00:00

Girls will really only chase you when you've built enough attraction and they realize they are in competition with other girls for your attention. Or if you have super high social status (like a celebrity is most extreme example).

During first dates, it's not about getting them to chase you (they're already on the date with you!), but increasing their investment in the interaction so you're not the only one driving it.

Main way you can increase investment is to: 1) turn her on, 2) challenge/tease her

You can do this throughout the interaction by pushing and pulling. Start with a push, like a slight physical escalation (like a high five in reply to something cool she said).

If she gives you a high five, congrats you've started to physically escalate. Wait a few min and do something that increases escalation ... like high five into a hand hold.

If she doesn't react well and refuses to give you a high five, use that to pull back. Call out her low investment ("What, you can't give out high fives on a first date?"), change topic to a new convo or add a joke in, then test it again in a few minutes. The next time you test her you can give her a heads up, like: "you're going to give me a high five now". If she gives you a high five now, you've increased investment in 2 ways: 1) You physically escalated; 2) You got her to follow your direction.

You can do this with many different escalations. But the core idea is the same ... start to give her investment tests and slowly escalate them as she passes. If she doesn't pass then call her out/tease her about it.

MajesticFerret36 · 2025-05-05T18:28:30+00:00

I think you're overestimating yourself in multiple categories if I'm being totally honest.

If you're truly good looking... women will let you know. Guys who are "self identified" good looking guys don't really have the right to call them this unless women are the ones calling them it. Women are giving you approaching signals or making it much easier to approach them and are receptive to you? Cool, you're prob good looking. Not? Prob not as good looking as you think, no offense.

Also, you should be getting enough results from OLD alone of you're good looking. Cold approach is fun and all, but truly optional in this day and age if your online game and profile is on point.

I also don't think your game or charisma is as good as you think either as giving out more energy than you receive is typically bad game.

Financially, being "OK" at 24 isn't really enough to move the needle and impress women until you've REALLY got it going on. Honestly, finance maxing does work, but women in 1st world countries aren't going to give you the respect you deserve for being financially secure at 24, women are typically only going to be impressed if you're rich and know how to leverage it and subtlety flaunt it, and that usually isn't possible at 24, so most young women just assume your finances are mid at best unless you can incorporate subtle financial DHV into your game, which a lot of guys don't know how to do.

Necessary-Jaguar4775 · 2025-05-05T20:22:00+00:00

You said you're trying to create depth but maybe it is too early in your initial interactions. You should just focus on fun, flirty, interesting and seductive initially, depth can come later.

CrazyRepulsive8244 · 2025-05-05T20:33:01+00:00

You will never be pursued by women. they just don't do that. So forget about that. You as a man will always be the pursuer no matter what, outside of dumb luck and rare occurences. brad pitt or whoever is the modern male figure these days also barely gets approached.

if youre having bad results get higher numbers. you should be talking to atleast 30 women a month. ideally more, if you're serious. if you're good at what you do, you should be able to secure atleast 10 numbers from that pool, date atleast 3 and have sex with atleast 1. rough numbers there but thats just the reality of what you can expect.

most 'players' basically treat it as a full time job. I know I did. I would spend all day sending out bait, then texting and running a script on the results and then scheduling them sometimes on the same day. if you want player results, those are some player actions. is that how you wanna live?

PeterLamb87 · 2025-05-05T21:33:46+00:00

There could be many reasons, its impossible to know without some context. But if you are ok looking and using apps, you should at least get a couple of dates every now and then.

Dana_myte · 2025-05-05T21:59:20+00:00

Going based off what you said and something is not sticking you're either giving away too much and self qualifying and trying to hard to lead the conversation and validating yourself that you give no room for fun and play and mysteriousness.

Women like a guy they can't figure out someone who pushes/pulls, gives and takes. Be a little more playful. Also the eyes never lie so I don't know what idea you have of a romantic connection but you have to kinda feed that idea to the woman she will light up.

an example of this can be if you guys are talking about Disney or whatever be like yea maybe i'll take you to go see the castle and we enjoy an ice cream while you see sleeping beauty come out typa shiit.

However as far as changing the dynamic me personally I always chase first, after the first/2nd date they end up chasing after the bedding process cause no girl "decent" wants to be jumping around from man to man.

TakeAChillPill99 · 2025-05-05T22:35:18+00:00

Dating in your twenties kinda sucks and you are not alone amigo. It’ll get better though, promise.

No-Wolverine7793 · 2025-05-05T22:40:26+00:00

Because your putting to much effort into it ever watch golf the trick of that game is make everything easier than it looks

Thierr · 2025-05-05T22:47:05+00:00

My take: you're DOING many things "right" - but not BEING.

It sounds like you're doing an act, showing the right things, but which aren't congruent with who you actually are, and women pick up on incongruency

carlos11111111112 · 2025-05-06T00:08:41+00:00

From meeting lots of guys doing pickup I can say that you might be lying 🤥 when it comes to your looks, social awareness, and smv. I’ve met many guys they always try to paint themselves in the most positive way. Taking photos certain angle, hiding their receding hairline, lack of awareness of their bad hygiene. If you really want advice you have to hire a top dating coach like Owen Cool or Mystery

Affectionate-Ant4888 · 2025-05-06T03:13:43+00:00

there are more humorless rockstarts who bang lots of women that stand comedy people lol;

as for your problem is reallly hard to tell what your sticking points by this post is lol ; how do you open ; how do you demostrate value? ; what interesting topics do you talk about? ; yeap not enough to go about, go to the books man; dont cherry pick stuff here;

jamesfalken · 2025-05-09T01:44:49+00:00

"On paper, I’ve got a lot going for me: I’m a good-looking guy, I have a solid career, a strong sense of humor, decent charisma, and I’m genuinely interesting"

No offense dude but clearly not. Be realistic. Something major is lacking otherwise you wouldn't be struggling with women.

liftingnstuff · 2025-05-05T16:24:49+00:00

You likely aren't being polarizing enough.

You need to show romantic intent through flirting, and polarize to build tension.

Having safe friendly conversations will not get you a romantic partner. You need to lead the conversation towards romantic topics.

Start the interaction with a mindset of "You piqued my curiosity but I'm not sure if we're compatible".

Use push pulls, teases, disqualifiers to create tension and get her to qualify herself as interesting enough for you.

At the start you weren't sure, now that she's invested in the conversation and trying to qualify herself as interesting/fun etc. Now your frame should be "You're starting to win me over".

>Yes, I hope something romantic might happen, but I don’t let that influence my vibe.

You should probably enter the interaction with a flirty vibe. It's easier to start with a flirty vibe than convert platonic vibes into flirty ones and girls are rarely going to change the vibe themselves.

jackthehat6 · 2025-05-05T17:25:09+00:00

doing things 'right' doesn't matter if she's not attracted to you. Do you think if Dany Devito (without fame) went too a victoria secret modelling conventions and hit on all 200 stunners and went home alone that he must have been doing somnething 'wrong' in terms of his 'game'? lol

Keep going

It's a numbers game!

Matt-Choo · 2025-05-05T18:20:29+00:00

I was the same spot as you a decade ago. I couldn’t even get my high school girlfriend to want to settle down despite having more “on paper” than my older counterparts. You go in with a player mindset and girls see you as such. If you apply the same vulnerability as you do in this post then you won’t seem needy, you’ll seem passionate about your pursuit. Disqualify women for being female players, and only pursue those who don’t shy away from your vulnerability. Nobody can waste your time if you don’t let them, so express your wants and desires unabashedly and the ones who stick around will be on the same page as you.

Euphoric_Smell7128 · 2025-05-05T15:22:11+00:00

Honestly, if women don’t respond to your approaches when you’re not giving off creepy vibes it’s mostly about looks.

Maybe you’re not all that or you look intimidating

that-dreamer · 2025-05-05T15:17:51+00:00

Need more detail to fully understand what's happening. What was one recent conversation that went badly, what did you say and how did she react?

I’m not always the one chasing, but actually being pursued?

I want to say that when it comes to dating women, you'll often feel this way until like 3+ dates when they're really into you. So maybe it just comes down to expectation management?

Until they're really down bad for you, the most interest you'll get is their openness to your advances, but actively pursuing you, almost never.

Title	Doing everything ‘right’ - so why am I still invisible to women?
Author	ceducein
Upvotes	56
Comments	61
Date	May 5, 2025 2:39 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1kfd90n/doing_everything_right_so_why_am_i_still/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/doing-everything-right-so-why-am-i-still-invisible.1551506 https://theredarchive.com/post/1551506

Comments

You will never be pursued by women.