You can find my original posts here and here.

After trying to get her to meet with me and our lawyers five times since March, my lawyer finally told me to file for divorce. So in September we filed — and suddenly she wanted to meet.

That meeting was a disaster. She tried to dictate terms, refused every compromise, and acted like everything should be done on her terms only. Her “final offer” basically expected me to:

  • fly to Hungary every visit
  • pay for my own accommodation
  • rent a car each time
  • have no flexibility at all

She also wanted the summer holidays permanently split and insisted I couldn’t use the guest room when visiting — yet somehow said I could use it when she needed to travel for work. Total bad-faith offer.

After getting nowhere, I waited for the preliminary hearing.

The Hearing

I kept calm and let my lawyer speak. Everything was in Hungarian so I had a translator, which added to the surreal feeling of getting divorced in a language I don’t understand.

When we discussed visitation (the only real dispute), she got emotional and complained that “everyone talks about visitation but no one talks about how I’ll have to do 90% of the childcare.”

I bit my tongue although I wanted to shout: you wanted the divorce, you didn't think about that when you were sneaking around with another man did you? The judge noted her emotional outburst and I like to think she noted my calm demeanour.

The judge eventually said that if we couldn’t agree, they’d deliberate and bring us back in January — and that finally woke her up.

The Judge’s Compromise

The judge combined both schedules into a two-year transition:

2026

  • Split time: Hungary + UK
  • Summer: 10 days Hungary / 10 days UK or abroad

2027

  • Still some time in Hungary
  • But I can take them abroad anywhere
  • Summer again split 10/10

From 2028 onward

  • All visitation abroad
  • Continuous 3-week summer holiday (what I wanted)

Spring/Autumn alternate, Christmas alternates the main days vs New Year’s.

Honestly, it was fair and I think she accepted mainly so it would be over.

The Moment That Hit Me

Towards the end the judge asked me is there any chance for reconciliation and I looked across at my ex wife and asked: do you want to reconcile. Without even looking at me she said: no. I turned back to the judge and said you heard her it's a no. I'm not ashamed to say when I said those words I had a few tears in my eyes. It's one of those moments that will forever be burned into my mind...asking one last time and hearing the answer I knew would be coming: not I do but I don't.

What Happens Now

One clause says I must leave the house by January 3rd. So after Christmas, I fly back to the UK. I’ll spend this last Christmas with the kids in the home we built — the place I thought we’d build a life. Her affair made it easy for her to detach and rewrite history with me as the villain.

It’s going to hurt leaving the kids. I’ll miss:

  • bedtimes
  • school pickups
  • pancake parties
  • the little everyday moments

But I got a solid visitation plan, and I’ll make the most of every day when I see them.

Final Thoughts

I can’t shake the feeling she’d been looking for an exit for a long time — and moving back to her country, surrounded by people who only know her version of events, made it easier. The affair helped her rewrite the past and justify everything.

The next chapter starts in January.

I know I’ll be painted as the villain somehow, but the truth is simple:

She wanted this.

And I gave her the chance to change her mind until the very end.

A few things I've learnt through this, especially after infidelity:

  1. Don’t chase someone who’s already left emotionally.

Once they’ve rewritten the past and cast you as the villain, they’re gone. Save your dignity and walk.

  1. File before they gain any more leverage.

Delays only give them time to manipulate the narrative, stall agreements, and drain your energy.

  1. Let the legal system do the talking.

Your ex will twist everything. Judges don’t get fooled by theatrics, only evidence and behavior.

  1. Stay calm in court — it pays off enormously.

Her emotional rants worked against her. Your composure works for you.

  1. Focus on the kids, not the chaos.

Judges notice who is child-focused and who is drama-focused. This matters more than people realize.

  1. Accept that the “real story” may never be known socially.

Her friends/family may believe her. That’s okay. You don’t need validation from people who were never on your side.

  1. Build your new life intentionally.

Leaving a marriage — especially after betrayal — is like leaving a country. You get to rebuild everything from the ground up.