I caught a post in the AskFeminists arena: “What, if anything, have you ‘softened’ on in your feminist views over time?” Spoiler alert, guys: You are not crazy or toxic or misogynistic or abusive or oppressive simply b/c your views don’t align with feminism after all.

[[paraphrasing quotes]]
- ”I’ve become abit more kink & sex work critical after really listening to people who have been involved in either.”
- ”I’m much more soft on calling people out. . .being more intentional. . .picking my battles. I was such a menace. . .truly insufferable to be around. I have major regrets about how I spoke to my uncle. He’s dead now. . .I just feel pretty disgusted with myself. . .”
- ”I’ve become more analytical with my thinking.”
- ”I have become increasingly critical of kink as empowerment.”
- ”. . .the increasing amounts of toxic ‘feminist’ spaces online caused me to develop abit of a misandrist mindset over time.”
- ”I’ve also witnessed more of the toxic expectations that are put on men. . .by women. . .”
- ”I’ve softened that view as I’ve started to have more positive experiences with men and started to deconstruct the bioessentialist views that had been instilled in me. . .helped break away from the subconscious biases I had against men.”
- ”I have to admit that going thru a divorce as a breadwinner made me a lot more sympathetic to the complaints men have about alimony.”
- ”I’ve lessened my insistence that all men and women are exactly the same internally and that any differences in expression or behavior is due solely to socialization.”
- ”I feel for men & boys who end up in “accidental pregnancy” scenarios, particularly when their partners have lied about and/or misused contraception. In my opinion, lying about being on birth control is no different to ‘stealthing’ & I consider it sexual assault.”
- ”Realizing that criticizing the actions of other women or not liking a fictional female character doesn’t make me a misogynist and that not liking something another woman might like doesn’t mean I have internalized misogyny or am a pick me.”
- ”My view on prenups.”
- ”How negatively I viewed stay-at-home moms.”
- ”Being bothered that men don’t care about my income or career.”
- ”Therapy isn’t working for the majority of men. It wasn’t the answer we thought it was.”
- ”Not talking to men unless necessary.”
- ”The whole ‘working mom superhero’ thing: We’re not meant to be superheroes.”
- ”In a two-parent unit, one parent staying home as the primary caregiver is an excellent model. It’s great for kids and the whole family.”
- ”I used to think (because in feminist circles you’re clearly supposed to think this) that pretty much all sex-based behavioral differences were just due to gendered socialization. . . It’s likely that biology plays a larger role than many feminists are comfortable admitting.”
- ”The name change after marriage”
- ”I’ve become more critical of some women. . .who tell women who can & can’t be feminists. . .toxic behaviors commonly upheld by women, where I used to only criticize men.”
- ”I’ve realized that feminism is far from a ‘GROUP’. . .have often been attacked online by other feminists.”