Struggling with self confidence

becomesharp · 2026-01-01T13:09:41+00:00

Confidence is one of the skills that you ONLY learn by faking it. Its literally the first thing they teach us in USMC boot camp. They immediately make you stand up straight, yell at the top of your lungs, and do everything with purpose. They do this because you learn to be confident not by FEELING confident, but by ACTING confident.

So that's the first thing to do. Look at every thing that you do that screams "lack of confidence." Usually it's things like speaking too quietly, uptalk / upward tonality (youtube this if you dont know what it is), slouching, moving without purpose, trying to get people to like you, not expressing your own opinions, etc.

Ask a trusted friend what things he sees you do that looks like you lack confidence, and write it down and start working on changing them, one by one.

With the "i just want to be friends" thing youre getting after dates, one of the very first things most guys are missing that cause this symptom is not making the girl laugh during the date. Most guys are going on dates doing interviews by asking her a ton of questions or trying to find things to talk about. That's an understandable starting point, but if she isnt laughing a LOT on your dates, youre going to get this "i dont feel a spark" symptom frequently. Dont worry about flirting, or touching, or escalation, or sexuality until you get the humor down.

Touching without humor or being really good looking = creepy

Budget-Kick822 · 2026-01-01T21:00:21+00:00

When you end up on a date with a girl, she has picked time out of her schedule to do her hair, pick out an outfit, she's messaged her group chat telling them shes going on the date. She picked you out of the other guys messaging her on the app, via DMs, etc. She wants the date to go well. She was attracted and picked you.

One of the oldest pieces of advice is to assume attraction. When she has already agreed to a date there is an implicit agreement of attraction.

As for escalating, it is better to try and escalate and get rejected than to not escalate and get rejected eventually due to platonic vibes. One of them gives you a chance.

AlphaCounselor · 2026-01-02T03:54:51+00:00

You can fake confidence all you want but it'll eventually bite you in the ass. Build your skills and GENUINE confidence will be a byproduct result.

norwegiandoggo · 2026-01-01T13:41:04+00:00

Confidence isn't one thing. It's made up of many different insecurities. You have to address those insecurities one by one.

So let me ask you: What are you insecure about, and why are you insecure about that?

LibrarianVisual709 · 2026-01-02T05:49:54+00:00

I struggle with this too. As a brown guy living in the US I’ve this deep internal feeling that I’m inferior than others apart from being academically smart which let’s be honest, doesn’t pull girls and I think this strength of mine will be the reason of me dying alone and ending my bloodline lol.

Title	Struggling with self confidence
Author	Pale_Cap7777
Upvotes	8
Comments	7
Date	January 1, 2026 12:37 PM UTC (6 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1q13a5t/struggling_with_self_confidence/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/struggling-with-self-confidence.1570154 https://theredarchive.com/post/1570154

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