It’s been roughly a week since I have moved out and a month since the Divorce word came to be. Both our lawyers are aware I moved 10 minutes away to a small apartment and will not be seeking any form of “abandonment” as we both agreed that moving out was in the best interest for our son. As long as I continue to pay all the bills for the house and maintain a 50/50 schedule we have in place for our son I will be fine when we go to court. That aside. I’ve been in the new place for just about a week, moved the Saturday after Christmas. I own my own small construction company any decided to take most of the holiday week off, which would allow me to get semi settled and be around for our son who is 10 and on Christmas vacation. I had him for two nights from Sunday to Tuesday and then he went back home. It was nice to have my son for the first few days as I was able to keep a semi normal routine, making breakfast, lunch, dinner, and running errands. Once I brought him home I tried going to a job site where I have some guys working, but I felt like I had to force myself there. I feel so much pressure with every step I take. The silence that I so longed for is now deafening and starting to drag me down. This upcoming week will be the first week of our new schedule which will alter my work schedule due to pick ups and drop off for my son (bringing him and getting him from school). I’m starting to have a really hard time getting out of bed and I’m starting to dread each day more than the day before. My workload is starting to pile up and customers are being reasonable but it’s only a matter of time before I start loosing them. I have no ambition to contact clients or set up jobs. I can’t get out of my own head. The more I fall behind the more things feel too heavy to deal with. I find more comfort in at night, mostly because I know I “can’t” work that late, but then I stay up to late (in my own head) and this contributes to having a even harder time waking up. It kind of feels like I’m slowly self destructing. We are three weeks out from our first court date to file motions and three months out from our first court date to see if we have come to any agreement on the separation of assets. I have friends and family texting me and checking in, but it’s not the same, things are starting to feel pointless. They reach out, I tell them a rough candy coated version of how I feel, and they say that they are here if I need them, but what are they to do, really… It’s appreciated but I also know its a gesture, everyone has there own lives. Social media has lost its edge, I can’t stand to look at it, but I do anyways. I try to put on a movie or show at night, but it’s not the same. Everything just feels like I’m wearing cement shoes, a weighted vest, and my brain just wants to retreat into nothingness so I don’t have to think anymore.

Has anyone else gone through this. Any recommendations.

I appreciate any advice, honestly I do, but I know this will pass… I know it’s going to take time… I know I need to be strong for myself and my son… I’m trying, I’m trying to fight these weighted feelings. I guess I’m looking for some other advice besides your typical “It’s going to take time, and try to stay busy”.

Thank you for reading…