Any advice on unlearning people pleasing?

KILL_ME_WITH_UR_ASS · 2026-02-28T06:13:45+00:00

I don't want to recommend meds if you don't have actual issues with depression and anxiety like I have had my whole life, also I'm not your doctor and can't recommend them, but if you want to know what worked for me it was trauma and Zoloft. Losing my mom and marriage within three months, going insane, and then going on Zoloft has made me no longer give a fuck. I should mention though I'm the primary parent for my son so it's easier to not give a fuck when you have to work and be a single parent

Ok-Cause1108 · 2026-02-27T19:18:50+00:00

You need to practice being a bit of an asshole. But only do this in moderation, you don't want to go to the other extreme and become a full on asshole.

Start by being a little selfish and self centered. Get used to saying no without giving an explanation. Put yourself first at least half the time. Try that out for a month or two. You just need to break the habit of being an automatic yes man and doormat.

Second thing is to think about why you are going to do something for someone else. If it is for validation, hoping for a thank you, or hoping they will do something for you in return then don't do it. Only choose to do things for people when you genuinely want to help them out with no expectations whatsoever. This will take a bit of practice too.

Lastly have a think about your core values as a man. Write down what they are and what kind of a man you want to become. Going forward never ever compromise on those core values and never ever compromise your integrity or self respect. Always make time to take care of yourself spiritually, physically, and emotionally. This will mean saying no so you can have that required time.

You will lose some relationships by growing from a transactional man to an authentic man. This is ok, let them go. Only surround yourself with like minded people.

Ok-Anything-3605 · 2026-02-27T14:59:49+00:00

It’s a must book, I’ve gone back and re-read it. For me it was just learning to say no, it’s sucks at first. Someone needs help? I’m busy and can’t drop my own stuff for you. Plan a weekend away, by yourself. Slowly start to put yourself first. Buy some new shoes, boots, jeans, etc….spoil yourself. Don’t be afraid to make a shift….try for a new job, relocate, get a new place. It’s all easier said than done but that’s where I’m at, 5 months after she bailed on the marriage. And don’t worry about what anyone thinks of your decisions, it’s your life!

Title	Any advice on unlearning people pleasing?
Author	Ok_Motor5098
Upvotes	7
Comments	5
Date	February 27, 2026 2:41 PM UTC (4 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1rg8hrt/any_advice_on_unlearning_people_pleasing/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/any-advice-on-unlearning-people-pleasing.1574371 https://theredarchive.com/post/1574371

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