The process of divorce/dissolution. The process of grief. The process of realization. The process of growth.

My STBXF and I have been together dating 10 years, married 9 and have a 9 year old son. No infidelity on either side. Just both of use would get caught in this cycle and we would both end up fighting each other instead of the cycle. We have been in couples therapy since Nov. We have both been in individual therapy for about 4 years.

At the end of March she said that she is done, that she has nothing left and she's done. Sprung this on me in a therapy session. The exact thing that she felt was the last straw isn't even the issue and I realize that now.

While I wish the outcome was different, it has given me some time to reflect on this relationship. I have had two different personal therapists tell me the same thing. How much of her emotional abuse are you going to take, how much of yourself are you going to give up to stay in this. Eventually you will reach your breaking point or she will. Two of them, basically said the same thing and the second person said this after about a month and a half.

Her patterns were to wield the threat of divorce to enact change in me she wanted. Using therapy as a weapon. Her pattern was to constantly move goal posts. I was constantly in 'double binds'/'damned if you do damned if you dont' situations. I would wake up every morning walking on eggshells testing her temperature to see what kind of day it was going to be.

I guess I'm writing this out for my own cathartic use, but a large part of this grief stage I'm in is realizing the way I was treated, even if I'm being made out to be the villain now. The one that is going to make our son 'lose his house', and all manner of other things. I know she needs these narratives to justify her decisions but that doesn't mean they are the actual truth. I need to show my son a better example, in a lot of ways, but also how to interact with a partner, and what is acceptable in a relationship. I see him already walking on eggshells with her at times and it kills me.

Glad I found this sub, thanks guys!