Bit of a long post but I wanted to lay some context. My wife and I have been together for a couple of years. This was my first serious relationship and she has dated a lot before we got together. Things were great when we were dating and as soon as we got married we immediately got out of sync and that's been a constant theme since. It's always like one of us is never giving the other what they truly needed at the time they needed it.

We both had periods where we weren't attracted to each other. We had marriage counseling for a short time but she didn't like it, although I felt like my feelings were validated a lot of the time. The biggest thing is our poor communication and not having our work schedule line up which made it tough to stay truly connected. I'm not going to lie I was good to her but I also let her down many times. I hated confrontation and got defensive when she called me out on something. But I always made sure she was provided for, never was abusive and truly just wanted her to be happy. Unfortunately the best intentions don't have the best outcomes unless work is invested.

I did work to give her a better life but I always focused on larger things like saving for a house, supporting her so she could get a better job, paying off her premarital debt, getting her a nicer car, and trying to do big things to show her I truly cared. I did this because even though it took effort, it was easier than self reflection and realizing all the tiny stuff I missed. For a while I felt that she never appreciated the things I did for her and always looked for things that I missed. We both did grow as people within the marriage but there was a point where I got too comfortable, I didn't help her enough with the chores and I let her down in other areas too. For the record I never cheated or even talked to other women in any flirty capacity during our relationship together.

On the other side she retreated emotionally and physically. This did not help with my motivation to try harder as I felt disconnected from her. She also suffered from mood swings and anxiety when her expectations (usually ones that weren't even communicated) weren't met. This further drove a wedge between us but she did work on this a lot and I am proud of her that she got a lot better with this behavior.

All these things didn't happen at once I'm just laying out some of the struggles our marriage has faced. I think if it wasn't for what happened a few months ago we would have continued this cycle of push/pull and disconnection for a while till either the cycle was broken or we ended things eventually. We truly love each other but the poor communication really hindered things.

Anyway she had a miscarriage and had and still has postpartum depression from it. She pushed me away during this time and I didn't realize how much she was hurting since she hid it so well. I was working 6 days a week and a different shift than her so it wasn't super obvious to me but I heavily regret not being more aware. I cannot stress this enough, I would do ANYTHING to go back and give her the support she needed.

Anyway here we are 3 months later and filing for divorce. When I realized that she wanted one did the self reflection I should have done way sooner and seriously put in the work to repair our relationship, and I mean I literally have and would have tried everything and haven't expected anything in return. I just want her to heal. But every day she separates herself further and further away from me because she doesn't have the capacity to deal with her hurt and feelings and she doesn't want my support at all. Each tie we had between us is slowly cut by her and it's excruciatingly painful.

I have tried my absolute hardest (and continue) to support her where she would let me just to prove that I could change even if she didn't give me another chance. I have accepted that I won't change her mind. I am so deeply sad she is ending things even though she says she still loves me but I respect her decision and choose to continue to be consistent and as supportive as I can till we are divorced officially. She is hurting so deeply and the last thing she needs is more wounds from me. She hasn't been the perfect wife and has let me down in so many ways but I would still choose her over anyone else. She is really just such a special and amazing woman. I wish I had more time...

We are doing a 1a petition and are equally dividing our assets, we have no kids and no debt so that simplifies things. We are respectful of each other but living together is still painful. We are filing for divorce next week and although our apartment lease doesn't end for another 2 months I am heavily considering moving out into a separate apartment. Thoughts on this? I honestly am kinda lost on what to do or where to go from here.

TLDR

Marriage is ending because I changed and broke the cycle too late after my wife already gave up. Need advice on where to go from here.