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Apprehensive-Wish330 Archive

View 18 posts and 168 comments by Apprehensive-Wish330 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
112

Apprehensive-Wish330/r/Divorce_Men02/05/26 07:31 PM
81

RantApprehensive-Wish330/r/Divorce_Men20/05/26 05:43 PM
61

RantApprehensive-Wish330/r/Divorce_Men15/05/26 12:57 PM
46

RantApprehensive-Wish330/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 02:47 PM
34

Apprehensive-Wish330/r/Divorce_Men21/06/26 04:40 AM
27

RantApprehensive-Wish330/r/Divorce_Men28/05/26 06:23 PM
24

Getting StartedApprehensive-Wish330/r/Divorce_Men22/04/26 02:48 AM
24

RantApprehensive-Wish330/r/Divorce_Men25/05/26 12:20 AM
21

Getting StartedApprehensive-Wish330/r/Divorce_Men09/04/26 08:50 PM
18

Dealing with the Ex / STBXApprehensive-Wish330/r/Divorce_Men18/05/26 06:19 PM
15

RantApprehensive-Wish330/r/Divorce_Men07/04/26 11:08 PM
8

RantApprehensive-Wish330/r/Divorce_Men12/04/26 05:39 AM
8

Getting StartedApprehensive-Wish330/r/Divorce_Men17/05/26 09:41 PM
7

RantApprehensive-Wish330/r/Divorce_Men24/04/26 10:47 PM
6

Dating After DivorceApprehensive-Wish330/r/Divorce_Men26/04/26 11:56 PM
6

Apprehensive-Wish330/r/Divorce_Men23/04/26 09:07 PM
4

Apprehensive-Wish330/r/Divorce_Men03/04/26 05:04 PM
2

RantApprehensive-Wish330/r/Divorce_Men29/04/26 06:53 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
1

Moving out today and got served. Glanced over the papers and thankfully looks like she’s keeping things amicable. Going to run them by my attorney Monday!
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/26 05:36 PM
1

So I’ve found an attorney with a 2500 retainer that charges 250 per hour. Probably the best price I’ve found so far with. I have a few other consultations tomorrow, but will likely go with him. I feel like at this point she’s just throwing shit at the wall and hoping something sticks, but I need her to know to I’m over this shit and ready to move the fuck on. I didn’t want to have to get an attorney, I wanted to work this out amicably, but she’s letting her feelings get in the way. Stupid of her…
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/26 01:22 PM
1

Thank god no
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/26 10:11 PM
2

This somehow turned into another argument with her telling me I can’t leave and that I can’t take on another financial obligation. I told her that I have 3 months free and now she’s claiming I’m trying to fuck her over and she’s going to do the same to me. She’s batshit crazy man.
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/26 11:56 AM
8

Just signed a lease for an apartment starting June 30th
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/26 08:24 PM
1

One party consent state as long as I’m in the conversation, fortunately
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/26 03:02 PM
2

I’m not telling her that I’m recording all interactions, but I will be. At this point she will absolutely lie on my name to the police. She’s been doing it to our friends for months.
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/26 01:55 PM
3

lol quite honestly backfired. If anything that upset her more. Her mom was actually trying to talk some sense into her and tell her that SHE will be arrested for what she did, not me
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/26 01:52 PM
6

I recorded after and have her admitting to knocking my laptop off my desk and breaking the door down. Also have pictures of the door.
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/26 12:12 PM
5

My situation to a T almost. No kids and didn’t lose my job, but all of a sudden she started going hard in the gym. Didn’t really want to hang out with me. I was already in a depressive spiral because of life and she kicked me when I was down and told me she wasn’t happy. Started therapy in April, she had been having an affair since February. The whole time in therapy she blamed me for EVERYTHING. Even after I found out, she blamed me for her affair lol. Fucking bozo. We’re 2 months out from that…
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/26 08:37 AM
1

Bro it was AMAZING. She’s a breath of fresh air. I got her flower and picked a nice brunch and she was soooooo appreciative. It’s night and day from the STBXW. Even last night I spoke to her on the phone for 2 hours after work. We’re going out again Saturday. We click on so many different foundational issues which the STBXW and I never really did. We have a lot in common also but overall she’s such a kind and compassionate woman.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/26 08:32 AM
3

Little update: first date is next week on Sunday!
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/26 07:36 PM
2

I’m just using dating apps like Hinge, Tinder, FEELD
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/26 02:09 AM
1

What’s the college try?
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/26 03:15 PM
2

As much as I could. Even in situations that didn’t have anything to do with me and me telling her that she’s in the wrong, she never accepted blame. It was always “you’re not on my side”
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/26 03:19 AM
1

Not yet. Trying to sort out some of the house stuff and logistics. Will be filing in the next few weeks.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/26 03:18 AM
1

And there we have it. She’s going to get her hair done today and then going to lunch she said. “Depending on how late it is I may just stay 2 hours away tonight.” Can’t even wait for the divorce to be final before you sleep with your AP. Terrible fucking person.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/26 03:13 PM
2

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/26 02:49 AM
8

I don’t post there anymore. It’s always “what did you do to make her do such and such?” It’s almost as if lack of accountability is in their DNA.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/26 12:52 AM
16

The regular divorce sub is terrible too. People are quick to come up with stories between the lines of what you posted.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/26 11:42 PM
4

I can relate. I was in a months long depressive episode and my STBXW was not making it any better. If anything she was actively trying to make it worse. In addition to the anger, I felt really empty. Like nothing in life was bringing me joy. All I was doing was showering, working, sleeping, and crying. I went to a psychiatrist, got an antidepressant, and am now in therapy. It took the meds about a month to work, but I feel so much better now. The therapy helps immensely too. I internalize a lot …
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/26 10:49 PM
2

Going through the process now and I’m going to a therapist and psychiatrist specifically so I don’t lose myself. Also getting outside more and just walking aimlessly. Good for the mind and body.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/26 07:38 PM
3

Feel you on that. That’s part of the reason I wanted to run it by my therapist as well. Healing in my opinion is not linear. Everyone moves on at different rates.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/26 03:32 AM
10

Been sleeping in the guest room for a month and a half now and before that, we were barely even talking. Feels like we were already separated especially considering she’s been having an affair since February. I say all of that to say I feel no remorse about it!
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/26 03:13 AM
3

My friends agree with this
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/26 01:15 AM
5

I’ve told one of the ~4 I’ve been chatting with. She didn’t mind. She lives a bit away anyway (not sure why she showed up in my area) so I doubt we’ll be meeting. There is one that lives a few miles away and I’m debating if I should tell her before I ask her out for a drink or while we’re there.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/26 11:13 PM
2

She just brought it up again and I asked her to elaborate on what she means by that because I truly don’t get it. She said some people on Reddit have custody agreements for their dogs (usually when kids are involved which in my case, they aren’t). I told her I don’t see the point. She said “so you never want to see dog A again?” That’s not at all what I’m saying. I love him. He was our first dog. But on the flip side, this is a casualty of you cheating. She said the dogs would be sad because it’…
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/26 10:42 PM
4

Thanks, I think so too. STBX gets to talk to her AP and see him, I should get to enjoy my free time as we split things up too.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/26 10:13 PM
4

I don’t necessarily agree with you. You get what you pay for out of these apps. For me, I want to limit my searches and exclude people looking for long term relationships because that’s not what I want and I don’t want to waste my time or theirs. I find that more often than not, the “higher quality” women (for lack of a better term) are also using the paid features. At least the women that I think are attractive and are on my level from a career perspective.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/26 10:03 PM
2

Yup. We’ll see how that goes.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/26 10:00 PM
4

I think that’s a thing with online dating in general. Personally that doesn’t bother me because I don’t mind just chatting with people in the app for normal conversation. Once I start seriously dating I’ll move to organic dating (as in meeting people in person wherever that may be)
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/26 08:30 PM
5

So far I’m getting more matches than I ever did last time I was single (2019). Doesn’t hurt that I was a late bloomer in life. 34 now, but just grew a beard last year. Lost a bunch of weight over the last few months as well mostly due to depression and the souring of the marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/26 08:05 PM
3

I’m hanging in there. I had a brief mental crash out this morning/afternoon, but I’m back to normal now. Luckily I have a therapy session tomorrow. Oh I also downloaded Tinder and I was explicit in my profile that I’m not looking for anything serious. Just a FWB.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/26 01:20 AM
12

🤣🤣🤣🤣 can’t be because apologizing for her actions would never happen!
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 03:59 PM
6

1000%
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 03:39 PM
8

Working on it. Takes time unfortunately since we have a house.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 03:39 PM
5

Correct, no kids. We verbally agreed already to each take 1 dog. I’m fine with 1 or none. Not taking both.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 03:17 PM
4

Bingo bingo bingo. Before I found out she was cheating, she was already vilifying me to her friends. I know this because 2 of my closest guy friends are in relationships with 2 of her closest girl friends. Once I found out, according to her, I’d been looking for a way out of the marriage which is unequivocally not true. I was checked out, yes, but never wanted out. I wanted to sell our house which has been a fucking money pit for a year. Our mortgage is 7k+ and she wants to furnish the house and…
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 03:17 PM
8

The cherry on top of all of this is that she decided to pull this shit when I was in the worst depressive episode of my entire life. By far. What kind of person kicks someone where they’re physically and mentally down? And when I brought this point up to her, it’s “I didn’t know you were depressed until a month ago!” I literally stopped engaging in conversation, couldn’t make eye contact, and kept to myself for months. You ignored me when I was struggling and ran to some guy that barely even res…
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 03:01 PM
6

Already in the works. We’re talking to the realtor today. I’m filing this weekend.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 02:57 PM
7

Already in the works. We’re talking to the realtor today. I’m filing this weekend.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 02:57 PM
7

It was apparent to me before this situation, I must say. She never felt like she was in the wrong in any situation. She’s had so many “falling out” situation with friends and family over petty stuff. I also knew she was capable of lying because white lies used to roll off her tongue like it was nothing. Didn’t miss a beat. Now that I’m typing this out, I feel like I should’ve known she was capable of this.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 02:54 PM
5

Bro same thing happened to me. Starting hyper scrutinizing things, I tried harder, wasn’t enough. Noticed she was being very protective of her phone and texts no longer showed who they were from. Just “messages.” Been talking to another man for 2+ months at this point and even told one of her friends she wants to see where things go with him. We just spent 100k+ on a wedding last year and 800k on a house. Anyway, find a good therapist and hopefully your divorce goes smoothly!
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 12:32 AM
3

No, I’m not blaming my childhood traumas on the marriage failing. I’m just wondering if things would’ve been different had I moved on from the trauma when I was in my early 20s vs mid 30s. That’s all. I know I am not to blame for the marriage failing. I was fighting to make it work before I stumbled upon her affair.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/26 02:33 PM
3

I do. Once this childhood trauma and current divorce process is behind me, there will be new challenges in my life. If anything it’s helping me communicate my feelings which was not something I’ve always done.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/26 01:46 AM
3

Heavy on the keeping score and validation. Never met someone that cared about the “narrative” so much
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/26 01:45 AM
2

Have you gone to therapy or a psychiatrist? Being unhappy all of the time if fixable!
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/26 12:43 AM
2

I realize it’s not my fault 100%. She made a (very bad) choice. I just wonder if things had been different had I been healed when I met her, ya know? Maybe I wouldn’t have even met her. Who knows.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/26 12:34 AM
6

I’m in the informal separation state right now. I guess it depends on why you’re getting a divorce. I found out my wife is a cheater and a liar so whenever I start missing the person I knew, I think back to how I felt when I found out. I’m also looking forward to dating again. I have a woman waiting for the divorce to be final and for me to feel healed.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/26 10:45 PM
8

So wife just got home from the office. She said her mom probably called the cops because her mom knows “things aren’t good between us.” Her mom came the Saturday before Mothers Day and I stayed in a hotel because I’ve been sleeping in the only spare room with a bed and she was going to have her mom stay in our bed with her. Weird as fuck. She was essentially trying to justify what her mom did because her mom “didn’t get a chance to talk to me” and “didn’t know what my temperament” was so she’s c…
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/26 02:30 AM
4

Good point, thank you.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/26 08:05 PM
4

Correct, no kids. Once we sell the house and the divorce is final, we never have to talk again.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/26 06:48 PM
4

I just thumbs up’d the message. Don’t have anything to say to her that’s going to help the situation.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/26 06:27 PM
6

Her mom just texted me to “apologize.” Just a ridiculous thing to do in the first place.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/26 06:25 PM
8

I absolutely married the wrong person. She’s just as mentally ill and nasty as her mom. They both lack accountability on every single level.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/26 06:17 PM
3

They left almost as soon as they got here and I explained the situation to them. Wife also spoke to them
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/26 05:55 PM
3

No kids thankfully. Just 2 dogs and the house.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/26 05:48 PM
9

Life changing drug. All my life I’ve always had problems with sweets and overeating. I would eat until I was full or my stomach hurt for as long as I can remember. With the GLP1 I don’t get there. I also don’t crave things for the most part anymore. I’m down from 290+ to about 215, less than I weighed even in college. My knees don’t hurt after a long day, no back pains, etc. only caution is watch how you feel on each dose. I got to 10mg on Zepbound and the appetite suppression is too much. I’m t…
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/26 11:04 PM
8

She went to her therapy session this evening and came home with a calmer approach. I think we can make this work amicably as far as selling the house and splitting debt.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/26 10:43 PM
5

Not the person I thought she was. She keeps telling me that my “mask” is off, but really it’s hers.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/26 08:53 PM
2

Buying out not an option. Basically living check to check despite us both being high earners.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/26 08:26 PM
2

I didn’t frame it to her that way. I framed it to her as I want us to both move on and go live the lives we want to live.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/26 07:10 PM
2

She thinks we should wait to sell until it has more equity. I am not living with a cheater that’s out galavanting around just to appease her.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/26 06:48 PM
3

Did you list the reason for the divorce as infidelity? We live in a no fault state so I was just planning on citing irreconcilable differences to keep the peace. She keeps trying to dangle this “you broke into my laptop and committed a federal crime” schtick. I feel like if I state infidelity, she’s going to explore that.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/26 06:47 PM
1

No kids, just dogs. If we go no contact, how will she be served? I truly won’t know where she is.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/26 06:27 PM
1

Yup, using it against me to justify what she did. Also accused me of trying to vilify her to our friends because I confided in 2 people in our circle who then told their partners who she is close with. She doesn’t realize she’s on the verge of losing those friendships. It wasn’t my intention to do so, I just really needed someone to talk to in the moment.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/26 11:25 AM
2

We’re technically not exes yet, but going through the process now. I do not plan on seeing her ever again after what she did to me. She keeps dropping comments that we can be happy for one another, be friends, etc and I’m just biting my tongue because I want the divorce process to go smoothly.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/26 02:42 AM
1

You’re correct. They’re states away. She goes near AP to get her hair done. That’s how I found out basically.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/26 02:25 AM
6

I’m looking forward to getting a haircut next weekend. Also, the papers should be drafted up for me to finally hand them over to her so we can formally start the process. She also has to go into the office Tuesday and Wednesday so at least those are guaranteed peaceful days.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/26 09:38 PM
1

Definitely not staying!
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/26 02:02 AM
2

So you’re saying an affair is just an affair? I’m inclined to agree with you. She’s been making the distinction that it was only emotional, but she spent like 5 hours with him on the Saturday I found out. Now thinking back to when I first met her, she let me have sex with her literally on the 2nd night of knowing her. Met on a Friday for a date, had sex Saturday. How am I to believe that isn’t the plan with this guy?
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/26 12:53 AM
5

Thank you for the kind words. Luckily we have 2 dogs and we’ve both agreed to take one.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/26 09:03 PM
7

I do twice weekly therapy sessions. I have shit to unpack tbh. Need to get into the gym, but that will come with time. Right now we share a care because we both WFH and I got rid of mine. At best I can go for walks and use our Peloton for now. I’m also on Zepbound so my weight is very controlled right now. I just need to put some muscle on.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/26 07:05 PM
5

She definitely said she already grieved the relationship while we were together. She’s full of shit. If that’s the case and you were done with the relationship, why not just tell me you want a divorce? Why have this secret affair I stumble upon months later? She claims she would’ve told me if anything physical happened because she has a moral compass. Newsflash, people with moral compasses don’t cheat.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/26 06:18 PM
9

I do wonder what she’s telling her therapist in her sessions. I can’t imagine her therapist is telling her what she did is ok/moral/etc.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/26 05:55 PM
3

Had a similar situation which lead to her cheating. Take care of yourself man.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/26 05:52 PM
3

I got hydroxyzine from my doctor for sleep, but feels like it hasn’t been working. I was taking 10mg and even tried 20mg. I think I’ll try 40-50 mg tonight
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/26 05:43 PM
2

Thank you for the kind words. No kids fortunately
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/26 05:40 PM
2

Only a house. Thank god no kids. In fact, in the texts, she told him she was going to try getting pregnant soon and asked him if she should wait. Simply incredible man.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/26 03:25 PM
3

He’s not. He’s a guy from “her past” and I use her past VERY loosely. She met him out at a club like 8 years ago and had a weekend fling. You know what the funny part is? She has mentioned him before. I don’t remember the context of the conversation, but she told me about someone she met right before she moved from her previous area to the area we met in.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/26 02:40 PM
5

The craziest part is that the guy seemingly doesn’t even want her based on the texts I saw. She was pressing him about his feelings for her. Pressing him when he didn’t reply to her texts for days. He even hit her with a “you texted me? I didn’t get any texts.” Idiot
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/26 02:24 PM
5

The twisted part is that she’s pinning the divorce on me so no, not really. She just keeps asking what’s wrong. Uhhhh you kinda ruined my life????
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/26 02:22 PM
5

I’m on Wellbutrin and I thought it was working until this whole fiasco. I think I may need a higher dose or something in addition to it.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/26 01:37 PM
3

I can’t sleep man. I’ve even been crying in my sleep. I’m going to ask my psychiatrist to up my antidepressant RX and give me something to help me sleep. Not sleeping is just making me worse.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/26 01:36 PM
2

Honestly all I do is work (from home) and then go lay down
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/26 01:33 PM
3

Too late for that 😔 I can’t control when it starts
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/26 01:33 PM
1

Yup yup. She said she’s been “protecting” me from her friends and not telling them everything. Honestly, I don’t care. I’ve been telling my friends everything, even things I did wrong or could’ve done better. My 2 closest friends are in a relationship with 2 of her closest friends so I’m sure word has gotten around. Just don’t care anymore. I tried to give her a second chance and she would not take it.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/26 12:55 AM
1

Update for you guys: I reached out to a few attorneys, including one I know personally from playing basketball. The one I know personally (who I trust wholeheartedly) told me we likely don’t need to go through lawyers. We can work this out amicably. I revealed to her what I knew in therapy, she apologized for the explicit texts. At the end of that session, our therapist asked what we needed to move forward. I stupidly said that she needs to squash this entire situation or we’re done. Therapist a…
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/26 03:11 AM
1

If you don’t mind me asking how did you expose it?
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/26 10:51 PM
4

Music has really been helping me today. Been listening to a lot of the Drake/Kendrick beef. It’s as if the hate is settling me.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/26 11:11 PM
4

She’s been pushing my buttons since just about when the affair started and painting me out to be a bad person to her friends (the sensible ones that wouldn’t condone her cheating). I think her world is going to be flipped upside down by this, friend-wise.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/26 10:16 PM
8

Don’t think I updated today. I saw her this morning and said hey, she said hi back. I was dressed in my gym gear (with my laptop in my bag to call some places) so clearly I was going to the gym, which I did. She asked where I was going and I said to get food for the dogs and to the gym (again, both true statements). She said I thought we were over the silent treatment, you just take the car and don’t say anything. It took everything in me to keep my composure. She left Friday at 10AMish and didn…
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/26 05:27 PM
11

Toughest weekend of my life man. I’ve barely eaten, can barely sleep. My heart is pounding at the thought of her. I stayed to myself in the guest room so I haven’t seen her since Friday night basically.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/26 12:36 PM
3

Sadly. Bad rate and didn’t put much down.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/26 11:11 AM
7

Not a one off event sadly. Could see in the texts they’re planning to meet up multiple times this month.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/26 07:58 PM
18

No. I’m done. No kids.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/26 07:58 PM
9

Haven’t said anything. She didn’t get home until after 11 last night and I pretended to be asleep. This morning I took the dogs on a long walk while she was in the shower then she left.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/26 01:49 PM
5

Ah ok, I get it now. I was wondering why the lawyer I was able to reach today asked for her name with exact spelling. Honestly I know what lawyer she’s going to use. She’s a lawyer herself (not family law or anything related) and her old boss now has her own little practice. I’m pretty sure she used to do family law. I’m willing to bet she’s already reached out to her.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/26 04:36 AM
5

I don’t know her AppleID password. That will definitely flag failed login attempts if I remember correctly. Actually now that I say that, she just changed it when she got a new phone and I know this because I was there. She wrote it on a sticky at the Verizon store and would not let me see it under any circumstance. Literally covered it with her hand when she gave it to the Verizon employee. Little does she know, I have her laptop password. At this point I’ve seen what I need to see tho. Telling…
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/26 04:12 AM
2

Before my time brother. Couldn’t tell you
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/26 04:10 AM
8

I’m going to be honest, I don’t have the funds to retain a big time lawyer. At all. We’re essentially living check to check because our mortgage is 7.5k. Between that and electric, gas, water, WiFi, that leaves basically no money from the pay on the 1st. The pay on the 15th mostly goes towards credit cards. If I’m lucky after that one I have 1000 left from that check. I plan on going to one of those flat rate divorce centers in my area. I’m going to have them draft everything up and had it over …
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/26 04:09 AM
5

No I’m saying you’re right.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/26 02:34 AM
7

We live in a no fault state. He’s right. I’m just hurting myself at this point.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/26 02:27 AM
8

I emailed what I could to myself (from incognito browser, deleted the files and removed from trash after). It’s not super easy to export from the iMessage app. Also took pics and videos of threads on my phone and put them into a hidden folder.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/26 02:24 AM
6

I’m trying. It’s hard man. We share a car. I’m effectively without a vehicle while she’s out doing only god knows what with god knows who. My dad has been talking about getting a new car lately but keeping his old. Going to ask him if I can borrow it for the rest of the year probably.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/26 02:21 AM
3

I’d rather die
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/26 02:20 AM
5

Luckily she’s not on my CCs. Those are pretty maxed out anyway. Nothing she can do to hurt me there. Most of my pay goes to my individual account. I plan on going to The Divorce Center this week and having the papers ready. Will switch bank stuff after that (next pay is 5/15, but don’t want to raise any alarms that I may be up to something)
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/26 02:19 AM
6

She even texted him and asked why he hadn’t liked any of our wedding photos
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/26 02:17 AM
6

He knows. Could see in the texts he was hesitant about sleeping with a married woman and she encouraged him.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/26 02:17 AM
3

She claims the hair stylists here can’t do what she wants. She tried maybe 2. Not enough to drive 2+ hours away to cheat
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/26 02:16 AM
13

Also found out she has multiple plans to go back and see him this month. I’ve been telling her that nothing is fun anymore, we don’t do anything together. She turns around and plans an affair. Unbelievable. Truly. Now did I play my role and this? Sure. I could’ve planned things more. I could’ve initiated things more. I would NEVER stoop as low as cheating. She’s less than scum to me now.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/26 01:39 AM
26

I just went back and read more messages. She’s literally telling someone that was at our wedding that she’s cheating and they’re egging her on. She’s telling people things I brought up in therapy verbatim. Even telling people I was prescribed antidepressants. All the while pretending to be this god fearing woman. My heart truly aches.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/26 11:30 PM
6

Already got that speech
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/26 10:28 PM
6

How am I going to pay for this? Can I sign a financial agreement with an attorney to pay them over time? The first lawyer I spoke with said the retainer is 4k. I won’t have that until July some time.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/26 08:01 PM
5

We both work from home
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/26 08:00 PM
6

He’s not married from what I can see
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/26 08:00 PM
8

I think she went to college with him? Not sure. I stopped reading the texts because I started shaking and feel sick to my stomach.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/26 08:00 PM
-1

I think I’m going to bring it up and tell her I’m filing next week.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/26 07:37 PM
1

Exactly. I was literally at their place and she has my phone location. She knew where I was. I don’t go out often because of work and stuff around the house. Granted i didn’t tell her when I’d be home, but I literally drank and fell asleep. Just stupid.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/26 11:14 AM
1

Haven’t gotten one yet. Been waiting for the couples therapist to send me info for some in her office, but she’s taking too long so I reached out to another local place today.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/26 01:25 AM
6

Professor X putting a block on my mind
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/26 12:56 AM
11

I can’t pinpoint just one thing, but overall the constant nagging. Nothing is ever enough. Goal posts always move. What really sealed it for me that she is not my person is when I opened up that I was struggling mentally and she invalidated it. My previous girlfriend drove an hour to my place, grocery shopped for me, and made me meals when I told her I was in a dark place. I was expecting at least something similar/some compassion from my wife.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/26 12:56 AM
1

Heavy on the lack of value. Always comparing me to stupid tv shows and tiktoks. I hope she finds her fairytale man.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/26 09:02 PM
1

Agreed on communication issues. Therapist thinks so too. I’m going start prioritizing me like she claims I already do. All I do is work (from home) long hours to provide us a decent life. I can provide so much more to me if I focus on myself. Maybe even enjoy the fruits of my labor for once as an adult.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/26 09:00 PM
0

I stupidly think things can be fixed. The things she’s complaining about are small issues, but the more I think about them, the more I think we just aren’t simpatico. We fundamentally don’t see eye to eye on a lot of things, some of which I brought when we met. I thought she was ok with us being 2 different people. I was because I think you bring things out of the other person. Boy was I WRONG.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/26 08:59 PM
2

We’re already at the “nothing is good enough” spot. We’re speed racing over here baby!
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/26 08:57 PM
1

He already knows about the issues. I’ve been to his place recently which kinda was the catalyst for her kicking me out of the bedroom. I got home at about 1230AM because we were grilling steaks, drinking wine, and I fell asleep on his couch. One of our other friends was giving me a ride so I was also waiting for him. She was upset I came home after midnight and things have been very downhill since then.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/26 08:56 PM
1

Likewise. The stress of homeownership and not having the easiest wife caused me to revert to some childhood/teenage behaviors. Have you been able to overcome them? Our couples therapist suggested I go to solo as well since childhood trauma is tricky.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/26 11:38 PM
2

This sounds exactly like my situation. I’ve never been a great communicator and recently some childhood trauma has snuck up on me and I’m realizing a lot of my issues stem from my childhood. I wasn’t taught the right way to do things. Now I’m going to a psychiatrist and therapist to better myself, but I fear it’s too late. I wish I would’ve done this before I met her. I could’ve done more around the house, I could’ve supported her more emotionally, but coulda woulda shoulda. I’ve been broken ins…
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/26 02:56 AM
5

My work is 1000% an issue. “You need to set boundaries” I work at a startup because it pays more than most roles in my industry and it’s fully remote. There are no boundaries. Frequent argument.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/26 12:45 AM
3

Agreed on opposites attracting. I will say she did expose me to a lot of things I never had exposure to. Over time we’ve just drifted.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/26 12:44 AM
1

There’s no payday to be had lol. Only asset I have is our house which we purchased together. We’re going to be lucky to break even if we sell. We make the same amount pretty much so it’s not like it’s uneven
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/26 12:39 PM
2

Same. Been interviewing here since Feb. Should be ~35k raise with a 401k match which I don’t have now. Less hours, but I’ll have to commute about 1.5 hours each way. Honestly I’m most interested to just get out of the house since we both WFH. The vibes are fucking miserable. I was out in the city for my final round and met a friend for lunch and I truly felt alive again
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/26 03:13 PM
1

I feel like I’m right there. No matter what I do, it’s not enough. So why do?
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/26 09:50 PM
1

I am. Being more honest than I’ve ever been because at this point, what is there to lose?
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/26 09:44 PM
1

QTNA
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/26 09:59 AM
6

Your wife sounds like my wife lol. Apparently I’m just a lazy slob and I do nothing around the house which is not true. If she didn’t criticize every little thing maybe I’d feel more inclined to do more.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/26 03:39 PM
4

1000% agree on it turning into a long argument that doesn’t even have anything to do with the original point. I fear it in general due to childhood trauma. No kids thankfully.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/26 04:57 AM
1

We had our first real session today. I think things are over. I’m at peace with it right now. That could also be the wellbutrin i started yesterday, but i doubt it works this fast
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/26 02:41 AM
2

Yea man. This relationship has been enlightening to say the least. Can’t wait to start solo therapy. There’s more I can gain from this loss.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/26 09:19 PM
4

I was loyal to her. It was never my mission to “change” her. I think it was her mission to make me the man she wants because I checked some of the boxes.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/26 01:59 PM
4

In the beginning it was our differences of opinion about religion. Later down the line it was the lack of gratitude when I was paying the rent by myself. Also one specific Christmas where she bitched and moaned about the gifts I got her. This last one has become a recurring theme and I’m tired of it. This past Christmas, Valentine’s Day, and her birthday have been miserable. My birthday included. I knew she was materialistic, but I didn’t think it was this bad.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/26 01:34 PM
12

STBX, I made a mistake. Never should’ve married her. I ignored what were very clear red flags because she was pretty, willing to fuck me after a few days, and different from my ex girlfriend.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/26 06:09 AM
2

In my opinion, no. It really is your choice to make though. How are you going to feel when you see her with someone else? If it’s going to hurt, why put yourself through that?
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/26 01:24 PM
1

I kinda hate the divorce sub. This one is much better.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/26 01:42 AM
6

Heavy on the echo chamber. Male friends will at least tell you when you’ve fucked up
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/26 10:44 PM
8

I think I agree with you that we might be past the point of no return. She gets mad and starts saying really disrespectful things and then thinks I’m supposed to fall into line after because that’s what her family does to one another. Seen it first hand. Not going for that.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/26 09:48 PM
1

She’s only 36. A little early I think
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/26 08:52 PM
6

It never ends man. I just finished working at about 9PM, went downstairs to eat dinner, put the dogs to bed, and then took a shower. I get in bed at about 945 and she says “I didn’t think you were sleeping in here tonight.”
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/26 02:01 AM
3

I’ve been contemplating talking to a lawyer for a few weeks now. I think she has already (I have no proof, just hushed conversations a lot lately which is not normal because she takes every call on speaker. Also caught her deleting a text thread when I walked into her office the other day.) We’re stupidly living check to check even though we’re both high earners. I just am afraid of the lawyer costs. Maybe I can find pro bono?
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/26 01:43 AM
4

I usually just laugh and/or ignore them
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/26 12:47 AM
3

I have 3 siblings. I’m not sure that’ll help with her lol. I’ve tried just keeping things cordial to prevent arguments, but she just wants to argue
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/26 12:44 AM
3

Have a terrible habit of apologizing to avoid confrontation thanks to my parents for the childhood trauma
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/26 11:38 PM
1

I’m learning now that I actually should’ve listened to myself when I met her and we had no common interests/hobbies. We differed on religion (she considers herself christian, I consider myself agnostic), exercise (she likes HIIT classes and running, I like basketball), etc. I saw the signs and ignored them because she was gorgeous and different from the other women I dated. Speaking of signs, we met after about a month or two after I had gotten out of a long term relationship and for whatever re…
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/26 06:31 PM
1

Fantastic idea. Thank you. First meeting is just intake so I’m not sure we’ll really get into anything?
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/26 12:23 AM
1

Right there with you brother. I wish I had really gone to solo therapy and worked on myself before I met her. I don’t think it would have gotten this far. I hope your situation ends well and you come out happy in the end.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/26 07:21 PM
3

I have the same questions. We start therapy this week, but I don’t think she wants me anymore. At this point the feeling is pretty mutual. I will say I am mostly to blame, but I didn’t get into this situation on my own. I’m going into the session with an open mind, but what she wants out of me is to be someone I am not (religious, overly affectionate, into the things she’s into when she doesn’t show the same interest in my hobbies). Curious to see what the therapist thinks. I’m feeling they will…
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/26 07:12 PM
1

Curious how long the process has been?
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/26 07:02 PM
2

We’re starting counseling this week. I’m going to give it a few sessions, but I’m done by end of summer. Not getting strung along and toyed with anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/26 07:42 PM
1

Her ignoring her red flags is my fault. I was supposed to click my heels together and become her Prince Charming
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/26 01:43 PM
2

Fucking this
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/26 01:42 PM
2

Feels like I’m there now. She keeps saying I’m a great roommate and her best friend, but she doesn’t feel romantic feelings for me anymore. I was going out with some friends the other night and went in for a kiss as I was leaving and it was “you know we’re not there right now.”
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/26 11:46 AM
4

The comments she makes about lack of sacrifice really eat me up because women don’t realize how much we put up with silently. I guess it wasn’t sacrifice when I was paying rent by myself or buying expensive gifts when I shouldn’t have been or missing out on things I wanted to do for her.
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/26 06:49 PM
3

The 180 is the confusing part because I’ve been me since we met. She chose to ignore parts of me she didn’t like and now it’s eating her alive. I wish she would’ve just said no when I proposed or called off the wedding. Could’ve saved myself time, money, energy, mental health, etc
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/26 06:44 PM
3

Comparison is the thief of joy. Wife is heavy on the “so and so does xyz” using TikTok as reference and other couples whose situation is not ours.
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/26 06:42 PM
1

Stupid question, but when I approach the lawyer do I just tell them I think my wife is prepping and I want to prepare too?
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/26 06:41 PM
3

Agreed those are silly reasons, but her words. I can get over lack of common interests. Lack of intimacy is also an issue. She has issues that I don’t initiate. According to her I don’t initiate anything at all, I don’t sacrifice anything which is absolutely nonsense, etc. We have a couples session scheduled for next week so we’ll see how it goes.
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/26 05:32 PM
2

Failed to mention the wedding loan is in her name
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/26 05:26 PM
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