Can’t stop the tears

SaaSWriters · 2026-05-16T22:50:16+00:00

There is no such thing as an emotional affair.

I know people want to believe it to lessen the blow.

But there’s no such thing.

Bluetoes1 · 2026-05-16T18:43:28+00:00

Brother, i am so sorry.

Here’s some tough love from someone who has been in EXACTLY your position. She is biding time. She is doing things like talking to lawyers, moving money, setting up secret accounts, etc. i understand it is difficult but if you are sitting around hoping everything is going to be hunkydory in a few weeks, the odds are not in your favor. You need to really start protecting yourself.

If you don’t, she will be fully prepared to screw you over and I guarantee she will try. Do not let that happen.

Hey, if I am cynical, and wrong, I’m glad for you, but reading this brings back all my memories.

Terrible-Mind2633 · 2026-05-16T15:39:34+00:00

Whats the emotional affair?

Alarmed_Audience_629 · 2026-05-16T13:25:22+00:00

Let it out dude, and don't be ashamed.

takingvioletpills · 2026-05-16T09:29:22+00:00

Either delete social media altogether or tweak your algorithm. Instagram allows putting specific words to change your algorithm and you can also put words to block. I know it’s a bit of a bandaid but do what you can right now.

HorrorWorldly3749 · 2026-05-16T08:39:18+00:00

You're right, women can't handle the options on the internet basically because they aren't loyal honorable people.

RunPeaceRun · 2026-05-16T07:24:33+00:00

We are here together with you bro 🫂 Let your feelings happen, cry and let it go.

Don’t check Instagram, Tiktok. Their algorithm will be immediately sad and on this topic. Don’t look and torture yourself.

Read reddit, write here.

After days of crying you will be able to use your energy to yourself “only”. Use it, shape your days, weeks, months and your life

Significant_Koala_61 · 2026-05-16T04:13:34+00:00

So sorry bro, I hope there’s no kids involved and you can make a clean get away from that.

UnlikelySock1684 · 2026-05-15T21:53:37+00:00

I'm so sorry, I know how difficult that can be, kinda hits you like truck. Objectively though I think she kinda said it all when she said she wasn't willing to stop "until you relationship is in a good place". She's the one in the EA, but she is telling you how you need to do the work just to make her stop? That's not remorseful, not being accountable and certainly not what's needed to actually take the steps to come through the other side. I'm sorry.

ExtraLettuce555 · 2026-05-15T20:50:01+00:00

The first 2 months were the hardest most painful experience of my life and similar to you. We are naive to love and trust our partner so completely but you SHOULD be allowed to be naive. That love and trust is the basis of a good marriage but sadly doesn’t prevent your wife from being unfaithful.

It’s terrible that you two have to continue to live together because that’s a limbo that’s going to keep you from healing. Don’t go back. If she did it once, she can do it again. One foot in front of the other man. It’s literally the only way. Fight to keep the dog. My guy was vital company when I was alone.

soupsandwich00 · 2026-05-15T18:54:10+00:00

Man this was me about five months ago, your post hits home a little bit. Found out she was cheating with multiple men and everything blew up. Ended up kicking her out and havent seen or heard from her since. Just got the first draft of the decree this morning from my lawyer. Only thing I can tell you brother is when the tears come, let them come. Don't hold it in. Get into therapy because not having someone to talk to during this will suck the life out of you. I went down a dark path and almost went to a place where there was no coming back from. Please seek out therapy. Also, get in the gym and start hitting the iron. Its been like therapy 2.0 for me. Even during the emotional rollercoaster I was on, I'd be in the gym and I'd start crying mid set. Stay strong man and take it day by day. I know it sounds real cliche but things will get better over time.

Apprehensive-Wish330 · 2026-05-15T17:55:42+00:00

I do wonder what she’s telling her therapist in her sessions. I can’t imagine her therapist is telling her what she did is ok/moral/etc.

Strange_Button_3330 · 2026-05-15T17:18:19+00:00

Your post brought up lots of memories for me.
My mantra that got me through: "This too shall pass."

For sleep, I got a prescription for a sleeping aid from the Dr.
Once I had 4 good sleeps in a row I was able to function again.

I'm a year and a half out: life is better than I expected.
Sounds cliche: lean into this as a wake up call and examine who you are and what you want out of life. It's a magical opportunity fuelled by grief and pain :)

The key for me was to let her go.
You'll need space on your own to emotionally distance yourself from her.

Here's a sample of quotes that helped me initially:

First off, you’re alive. That’s the silver lining of every shitty situation and should not be forgotten. But second, everything that has happened and is happening is bringing you to where you are. It’s contributing to the person you have become. And that’s a good thing. This understanding, Epictetus said, helps you see the world in full colour—in the colour of gratitude.

OctinoxateAndZinc · 2026-05-15T17:04:53+00:00

Bud I was a god damn disaster the first month. Was legit hinding in the bathroom and hall closet to cry so the kids wouldnt see me.

THis is totally normal - you're going though a crisis. If you're in the US call 988 it is also a crisis line.

Tips:

dont drink. Get it all out of your house/dump it. Outside of a lawyer the best thing I did was stop drinking
therapy. Get a therapist. Find out if you can do so though your health insuance (because a $35 co pay for a therapist is cheaper than $375/hr for a lawyer who WILL listen, but not offer anything outside of leagal advice)
dont trauma shop. Dump socials. Block/untag/delete. I was there looking at old stuff and willingly making myself a disaster.
move your communication with her to EMAIL ONLY and wait 24 hours to reply to anything and keep it business only. DONT get baited with emotional bs (and she WILL do it when she starts to not get her way).

but nobody deserves this.

No. Its not fair. Its not right. And its not going to go away. All you can do is keep going. So have the cry (really, do it. Get the emotion out) and plow ahead. Hell.... STEER INTO THIS - Get a lawyer and get educated. STOP doing any husband BS. This person is now your legal opponent and if they dont want to be married you cannot make them, but that also means you're going to treat them like a stranger. Seperate your income, ask they pay for 1/2 of the cost of insurance if you're carrying them. Hit them with reality. They dont benefit from you anymore.

Ready-Tomatillo7645 · 2026-05-15T16:00:32+00:00

I’m so sorry dude. It’s so frustrating when the people who you thought were going to be there forever and promised they would no matter what end up disappointing you. The way someone can just drop you is beyond cruel. No kids? If not it’s a blessing. We got a kiddo and it’s just so painful.

akihonj · 2026-05-15T15:39:04+00:00

Feels like crap no doubt but this is good. Wth dude, yeah but hear me out.

You're grieving the end of the relationship now, not in six months or a year, not later on when it hits and you implode, you're doing the hard bit now. It will be like this for a few weeks, then you'll feel empty and then numb and then you'll feel better and you'll feel a little more each day.

Here's the smiling bit, most women leave a relationship and go straight into another one, they all love to claim they grieved the end while they were in the relationship but if that were true why do so many of them end up imploding sic months later and asking to come back between 6-24 months after.

During this time you'll be recovering, rebuilding and remaking yourself into a new person, most often the kind of person she wants, most often the kind of person who had to get badly hurt by her and is now somebody new and a stranger to her.

TeddyPSmith · 2026-05-15T14:53:32+00:00

This isn’t going to make you feel better but what you’re going through is the natural process of grief. Give yourself the grace to feel it. Crying is what you’re supposed to do. If you weren’t crying there might be something wrong with you. As my neighbor told me, “only a psychopath wouldn’t be crying”.

One thing that helped me a little was the audiobook “The Journey from Abandonment to Healing”. Also DivorceCare and weekly therapy with a trauma informed therapist.

All of the gym and health stuff is great advice but we aren’t always ready or able to do that. Give yourself some grace with that too. There will be a time that fit for you.

I cried buckets of tears. Had to leave during my lunch break to cry every day. I had visine in the truck and reading glasses on constantly to hide it. It’s been months but it slowly gets better. The wound is still here and I don’t like the situation but I’m no longer completely disabled

Retruo · 2026-05-15T13:58:29+00:00

Well, Instagram is a curated version of people's lives where they purposefully brag about things. It's the last place you should be looking at because instead of information you get fed with propaganda.

Basically, you're crying over things that are not true. Please reconsider crying over delusions - be it your own or other people's projected illusions which you eagerly accept as truth.

If you want to truly perceive reality go to the court or to the cemetery. You'd quickly realize you actually have it good compared to most people.

Environmental_Art760 · 2026-05-15T13:51:21+00:00

I work from home too. It sucks waiting around and being constantly reminded of the betrayal. All good advice above. Get out and stay busy. Physical activity helps. Make a plan to ween yourself off antidepressants. The gym will do wonders

FirelineJake · 2026-05-15T13:34:24+00:00

That grief hitting out of nowhere is the worst part, you're not just mourning the marriage, you're mourning the version of the future you thought you had. Give yourself permission to feel all of it, and lean on people who actually show up for you right now.

narkj · 2026-05-15T13:17:21+00:00

I mopped the floor with my face. Wound up in the hospital with a panic attack. The nurse asked me if I was suicidal, and I thought of my kids and said, "I can't be." It will get better.

Candidate_Worldly · 2026-05-15T13:15:51+00:00

I was like this for a good while when she first left. Bawling like a wee baby.

EmotionSix · 2026-05-15T13:14:12+00:00

I took a low dose of Lexapro to stop the daily crying. I’m glad it worked. I took it for a few months and then stopped (under the care of my doctor.) don’t be afraid to get help

WhydIJoinRedditAgain · 2026-05-15T13:12:23+00:00

You don’t deserve this. You deserve someone who will show the same kind of commitment to you you show to them, even when you’re struggling as a couple.

Especially when you’re struggling as a couple.

I honestly do not understand why people betray one another and then excuse it by saying they had issues in the marriage. That’s what marriage is supposed to be, sticking it out when times are tough because you made a commitment to one another and trusting they will be good again.

You have the integrity in this situation.

BatZed · 2026-05-15T13:07:01+00:00

I'm four weeks into my separation/divorce. Sounds like you and are on similar paths. Focus on you. Keep your hands busy and take it day by day. Talk to a therapist, talk to close friends, journal if you can. Getting the thoughts and emotions out is going to be huge. Hang in there. DM me if you just want to vent it out to someone. You got this.

nightwillalwayswin · 2026-05-15T13:01:04+00:00

Brother - it is the hardest thing you will have to go through. But you WILL get through it. Go lift heavy shit. Walk 10+K steps a day. Eat Healthy. Get good sleep. Rekindle old friendship and hobbies. Develop new ones.

It a long game but you have the opportunity to be a better man.

Title	Can’t stop the tears
Author	Apprehensive-Wish330
Upvotes	61
Comments	67
Date	May 15, 2026 12:57 PM UTC (2 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1tdvlnd/cant_stop_the_tears/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/cant-stop-the-tears.1580464 https://theredarchive.com/post/1580464

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