Yikes! Our therapist started off by saying she could sense tension (it was palpable). She opened up the floor and of course my wife said she didn’t want to discuss anything. Completely defeating the purpose of being at the session.

Now I can admit, I was the source of the tension. Over the week I isolated myself in the guest room (which she banished me to 3 weeks ago). I barely came out, didn’t eat for ~40 hours. I was mad at a few things, those being:

1: I had an interview Thursday and didn’t get a good luck, hope it goes well, nothing. Just a see ya/bye.

2: after said interview, I went out to lunch with a friend. He asked if I was going to his place (out of state) when my wife comes in a few months to go to a concert with his wife. Completely blindsided me. Didn’t know it was a thing.

Now I had previously expressed to my wife that I was struggling mentally, badly. Nothing felt fun anymore. Being a homeowner absolutely sucks and is a money drain. We don’t do anything fun at all. One would think this trip would be a fun weekend. Don’t care about the concert, but we could’ve gone together, seen the city, etc. Nope. Gave her all Friday to bring it up, nada. Just bullshit conversation because she wants to keep things “normal.”

What is normal about kicking me out of the bedroom and then asking me why I didn’t know on a door in my own house? What is normal about saying “oh you’re still showering in here?” when you see coming out of the bathroom. What is normal about not wishing someone good luck on an interview?

All of these things caused me to spiral and I reverted to some defense mechanisms I developed as a child which is isolation/silence. I did apologize Monday morning stating I know how I reacted was wrong and that I’m trying to stop doing that, but it’s hard sometimes. I’m on antidepressants just so I can get out of this space. It’s not somewhere I want to be.

Fast forward to the session, she drops a bomb that she can’t say anything to me because I “make it about my mental health.” Again, super invalidating after I told her I was struggling mentally. She said as soon as things got tough, I retreated and how she would never because she’s faced adversity in her life. That really set me off because I’ve also faced adversity. Between her nagging, this house, issues with family, it became too much to bear and I broke a bit.

I regret telling her so much. I regret a lot of things actually. I wish we had called off the wedding (2025) when she had hinted at it.

I won’t say I feel stuck because I know what my options are. At this point I just want to contact our realtor and tell him to list it, but we’ve been in it less than a year unfortunately. I’ve also scoped out where I would live. A place with a gorgeous view of the city to feel ALIVE again.