Some background: Almost three years ago, I separated from my wife of 26 years. A year and half ago, our divorce was final. The marriage was rocky from day one. We fought constantly, and she was physically abusive to the point that I had to get a PFA order. We had two children, a young man now 26 years old, and a mentally retarded daughter, now 27.

I moved out, she filed for divorce, and I remarried. My son visited me twice after I moved out, and then severed all contact. He lives with his mother and sister. In the divorce, I paid off the house and gave it to her, I paid off her brand new car, assumed all marital debt and pay $33,000 a year in alimony.

My son and I frequently disagreed on politics. He is ultra-liberal, and I am conservative. He came out as gay several years before I left, and this was never an issue between us. When I said he broke off all contact, that isn’t exactly correct; he would hit me up for money whenever he needed it. I stopped giving it to him as that was the only contact.

Now:

It has been over two years since our last contact. I know his bitter and insane mother is constantly lying to him. At one of our last meetings, he asked me why I refused to pay support. I have never trashed his mother to him, and have always tried to take the high road.

He had told me he loves me, and that he needs time, and I have respected that. It kills me that when I go over to pick up his sister, he goes upstairs without acknowledging me being there.

I don’t think he knows:

  • His mother initiated the divorce
  • His mother was physically abusive
  • The extent of the settlement
  • How his mother blocked me from seeing his sister, and how I spent over $30,000 fighting for co-guardianship.

She has poisoned him against my family, and he no longer has contact with his uncles, men he was once very close to. My ex had gone on a campaign of publicly trashing my brother, and I doubt he is aware that that is why they broke of contact with her.

I don’t know how to get him back into my life. I don’t think explaining the disintergration of the marriage to him will help. I know he blames me for everything, but I don’t know how to clarify things without sounding like I am trashing his mother.