TRP, why didn't you get it?

QQ_L2P · 2014-05-31T20:57:25+00:00

I'm gonna lay down some back ground. For me, it was a combination of my upbringing and personal development. When they had me, I personally don't think they were ready for kids. My mum was 24 and my dad was 33, they'd moved from Sri Lanka to the UK with nothing but the clothes in their backs and a small clip of currency. Looking back on growing up, my parents were essentially flying blind. My Dad is a social nightmare and my Mom was sheltered by my Grandfather up till the day she left for the UK when life went HAM on her. With my dad working all the time to send money back to Sri Lanka to support his younger brothers and parents. This meant he was away a lot so I was essentially brought up by my mother. Like everyone, she has her flaws, but she's one of the sweetest, nicest people you could ever meet. But a mother isn't the best role model for a growing boy. I was always told not to fight, respect your teachers as they are unconditionally right, if you have free time you aren't studying enough, usual Asian parenting stuff. I never had any social skills growing up, so I was always ostracised and bullied. If I ever fought back, regardless of who started the fight or its outcome, the kids would tell the school, the school would tell my parents and my parents would lay the smack down on me. Their answer to anything was my mother would shield me from the realities if the world, I had to listen to their every word and deviation would lead to a smack down. If I didn't get the top grades in my class, smack down. My Dad used to get up really early every day, fuck knows why, but he did. Didn't get up at 6am with him in a weekend and study? I'm pretty sure you get the idea by now. This continued till I hit about 17, it was one beating too many and I fought back. That was the last time they lay a hand on me, but there was a shift. On my 18th birthday, they basically looked at me and went, "Right, you're a man now. What are your plans for the future?" The same parents who till the day before, has strongly quashed any independent thought or desires. Hell, growing up I'd been sent to a plethora of musical classes. Violin, piano, recorder etc. I'd wanted to go karting. There was a track near where I lived and it was cheaper than my musical lessons. But no, it wasn't deemed a 'respectful' hobby. I mean, what would the other Tamils think? Either way, they had basically raised me to dependent on their every word, then cut me loose like ship under tow in rough seas.

I had no idea what I was doing at 18. I did the Uni thing (you can imagine how that went. Virgin with less social skills than mud, BP as fuck and unable to figure out what socks to wear, let alone play the social game.

What I personally believe it boils down to is that children who are raised in a manner that endows self confidence, agency and to not be a little shit. Being condescending and using force at every opportunity to enforce what you think is only going to drive them back into their shells. The people who 'get it', are people who have the self confidence and social aptitude (skills gained through practice) to go after what they want. They don't feel ashamed of who they are or their desires. The usual place to internalise those values are from your parents, or any sort of role model. Failing that, the kid is going go be floundering for the first 20 years if his life until he becomes so pissed off that he will change himself, consequences be damned.

Just my two cents.

TheSKSpecial · 2014-05-31T21:29:15+00:00

Funny enough my parents were pretty RP when it came to relationship advice but I didn't want to listen to them because I thought they were "old-fashioned" and the world had changed.

2014-06-01T05:51:57+00:00

You know, it can all be summed up by the infamous fight club line:

"We're a generation of men raised by women."

Where was I supposed to take my social cues on how to be a man from? Kindergarten? High School? Nope, my male identity is systematically oppressed there to cater to the fragile sensibilities of women. College? Nope, same story. My peers? They were in the same boat as me. The only place I could have learned the necessary skills to be a man would be from my dad, and he failed me there.

I shudder when I imagine what my life would be like right now if it weren't for the internet.

Just take a moment to realize how perilous our situation is: masculinity has been marginalized in our society to such an extent that we actually have to use the internet to figure out how to be men.

Stationary_Wagon · 2014-06-01T01:32:44+00:00

Pretty much a combination of everything. My father was mostly absent during my childhood because of his long working hours. He was at the start of his career of being a doctor. In addition to that my father's parents didn't liked my mother and stepped on her constantly, sometimes influencing my father too. I was unable to help my mother with her relative problems and my father was either unavailable or contributed to the problem. This made me feel very inadequate and weak. "no more mr. nice guy" readers will get what i mean. I also live in Turkey, keep that in mind.

My parents are also very religious(muslims) and they sent me to a religious school. It was a coeducation school but interaction between male/female students were very closely monitored and controlled with very strict rules. Girl/boy ratio was 1/3 so there were lots of boys and few girls. To give you an example i remember getting called up to the principals office for talking&playing(joking etc.) too much with a girl. I was close to the bottom of social hierarchy and was bullied. I had lots of acquaintances and few friends. Every girl i had a crush rejected me, sometimes brutally. This made me very scared of "opening up" to girls.

At home, my parents were forcing me to become more religious and this was putting huge pressure to me. I was also beaten from time to time. I had little voice over any direction in my life. I was very depressed and suicidal at this time of my life. At this time of my life i created my "rule" of standing alone. It is unhealthy to stand alone but at that time it was my only way of coping with people and events around me. This made me even more asocial and detached from people. There are lots of details here but i don't want any of you to get bored so i'll skip.

I went to uni to study molecular biology&genetics, mostly due to the advice of my dad. I was still a huge beta at the start of the uni. And it remained mostly unchanged during my uni years. There was a huge social experience difference with "normal" people and myself and i suffered greatly because of it. I was mostly an outcast, didn't belonged to any clique and was the guy who was acquaintances with everyone. I was detached from dating scene so i never "fell in love" with anyone and never approached girls. This kept me in my depressed state. I remember numerous times trying to change but i always failed. I should also note here that i was a huge "i'll never kiss a girl without love, pure love disney-bullshit" kind of guy at this point so it contributed greatly to my situation too.

On the upside i was away from my family at a different city so it helped me somewhat. there were lots of limiting factors like living with my relatives(they were religious too-but they didn't bother me as much as my parents) etc. but it was better overall. I was very fed up with religion at this point and become an atheist at this point but never informed anyone but my closest friend. I'm still an atheist, one of the better decisions of my life.

I later dropped out of collage because i couldn't see myself doing something related to mol. bio. all my life. It would kill me inside. Instead, i opted for trading forex, which i do OK performance wise. My dad initially become combative but he was wising up of his mistakes in the past so he actually supported my decision to "repent" so to speak.

This is where we get close to today:

Until june 2013 i was showing great resolve to change my life. I was reading lots of dating advice to get over inexperience(another example: i was a member of NoFap) and just started to go to swimming pool to get in shape and gain discipline. There i fell in love with a girl first time in years. She was my swimming instructor. She was 1 year younger than me. She was stunningly beautiful(love glasses, when i fell out of love i realized she was actually a 5, it was truly stunning). I was still trying to improve by doing things like talking to random people on the street or maintaining eye contact. There is also something interesting to note here. There was an another beautiful girl in my swimming class. I approached this girl at her first day out of nowhere and started chatting her up etc. without fear because i wasn't interested in her and used it as a way to gain experience. She later noticed my interest in instructor and started to work for my attention. I later got her number but called her a week later after getting the number because of "testing". By that point she lost her interest so nothing came out of it.

After 2 months of secret pain, at the last day of my swimming lessons, i decided to pour my feelings to the inst. girl(maximum beta) just to get a closure to this whole deal, getting a date or rejection. I gave her my number on a paper and told her i was interested in getting to know her more bla bla(Ultimate turbo beta). She said nothing, smiled, took the number and never called me. Also, she only spoke to me once following month, only to threaten me to kick me out of the pool. It was totally unexpected because i was never pushy and was nothing but respectful to her. It shattered me but i never stopped coming to pool because i refused to let her effect my life. She later led me on for a month or so and later stopped talking to me again that killed me a second time(ultra beta). Her cruelness was staggering. I was pretty much destroyed at this point and on top of that i saw this girl 6 times a week at the pool because of my stubbornness which made getting over her hard.

Shortly after the "2nd time" i was chatting up with a girl(girl B) from my uni. days and she invited me to a walk with her. I went there thinking of her as "mostly a friend". I would take an opportunity but do nothing to rock the boat. She was dumped by her boyfriend a couple months ago. We talked and walked for about 8 hours and i did nothing partly because i was still not over inst. girl/partly because "she's a friend". Nothing happened. A thought about a relationship formed in my head, i was attracted to her.

I talked to her from time to time after that but i had huge time problems because of constant swimming exercises at night(discipline always) and my demanding time schedule as a forex trader. 2 weeks later i was at a gathering at my old house-mate's house with old uni. friends(all men) where girl B come up. I mentioned them about my "walk" with her and they mentioned me something else. She met a friend of one of my friends while staying at his house last night and invited him to her house this very night. I was not naive enough to think they were going to just play board games. I was floored, and other people's remarks like "she's getting fucked right now" etc. just made it worse. I didn't show anything negative on the outside but i felt sick. I felt like i was sick of everything. I had spent hours with this girl some time ago and a guy she barely knew was fucking her in her bed. I was angry, angry at myself AND her for being like that. I barely slept that night.

The Redpill

While i was still distraught i stumbled upon redpill. It was like a gift from heaven. While i disagreed on some points a lot of it made sense so i decided to apply it to my life. It was the missing ribbon that tied everything together. It improved every aspect of my life. Most important concept for me in redpill is FRAME. Frame is the holy grail for me.

As a result of strong frame:

I stood up to my family and relatives again and again and now command loads and loads of respect from them.
Lost my virginity with a job that demands crazy hours, in a country where you need a girl just to get inside the clubs, with a culture that represses female sexuality.
Made great gains at my confidence,fitness(decided swimming alone was not enough so started to lift too 2 months ago), mental health
Women are actually attracted to me now, through a combination of job, physique and behavior which is awesome.

Although i am a slow mover so i'm not exactly drowning in pussy nor do i have a plate. This is more related to my focus on my job because more money=better life=higher SMV. Infrequent sex is better than disappointment in the future.

Even though i didn't wrote lots of stuff this post turned out a lot longer than i expected. I'm off to bed, if you have any questions, i can answer them tomorrow.

BluepillProfessor · 2014-06-01T01:04:49+00:00

I have PhD in beta and thought I knew it all on men/women and relationships. Women want a caring provider who is a nice guy who listens to them.

Right? Then why was my marriage in r/deadbedrooms? Why was I so unhappy. Why was my wife a raging screech-tard?

"Other people" don't just "get it" because we have been lied too. EVERY WOMAN in our lives lied to us about what attracts them. Moms, Aunts, sister, girlfriend, wives. They ALL LIED. Those who believed the women in their lives did not just "get it."

OsoFeo · 2014-05-31T20:13:24+00:00

Gay guy with only sisters, raised by feminist single mother. I think that explains enough.

Note: I love my female family members, but there is no way they could have offered any kind of male perspective, especially since they are feminists.

Crazystarf · 2014-06-01T01:05:44+00:00

Both of my cousins and a friend of mine ended up being divorced and ended up completely drained. I vowed that I will not end up the same way as they did so I came here to learn what works and what doesn't. It was rather tough for me to swallow the fact that no woman could ever be like your mother (slight Oedipal Complex here), but that just makes me knock off all the women I know from their pedestals.

And yes, I did put my mother on a pedestal.

everyone_wins · 2014-06-01T04:38:19+00:00

I grew up in a strict religious family. Sex was a sin, sexual thoughts were a sin. I was also physically abused by my father and I believe this caused me to develop what psychologists refer to as borderline personality disorder.

In a different environment, I would have been an absolute winner from the start. I'm tall, good looking, and smart.

I'm actually really happy with my life though. I like that I've experienced pain and scarcity. I learned to be more aware, more conscious as a result. I do everything purposefully now, consciously. If I were to have been a natural like I could have easily been under different circumstances, I would have never had the same level of conscious competence I have today.

FortunateBum · 2014-05-31T22:34:23+00:00

I believed the feminists. And then I got out in the real world and it was exactly the opposite of what they described.

totorox · 2014-05-31T22:12:31+00:00

concern trolling

you're defining trpers as men who didnt get it while other men (read : normal, able ones) did.

granted, you're not saying that all trpers are like that :

a fair amount of people seem to

still, you're laying out blame as well as demeaning generalizations.

Title	TRP, why didn't you get it?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	5
Comments	16
Date	May 31, 2014 8:00 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/26z8xs/trp_why_didnt_you_get_it/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/trp-why-didnt-you-get-it.16114 https://theredarchive.com/post/16114

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