How do you stop fantasising about someone

pretty_kill · 2021-03-24T11:18:29+00:00

I am very bad about doing that was well, like the whole one interaction, and fantasizing about a life together. I am also trying to work on this.

I forgot where I heard this, but some advice I saw was imagine sitting a table with two of your most admired people/heroes/role models (doesn’t matter if they are alive or not) and he is sitting in the middle. How great does he look now?

This helped me realize I knew literally zero about the guy and therefore he wasn’t worth my brain power even for a fantasy.

It also helps to just assume he has a girlfriend every time my mind wanders to him. But this doesn’t work if you know he is single.

At the end of the day, it’s about the time and effort he puts in towards you that adds value to your life. By fantasizing, we allow ourselves to build up this man who has put in zero effort. It’s actually the opposite of what FDS stands for. We should allow him to show himself to us instead of us closing that gap in our minds.

I hope that made some sense. Like I said I am still figuring this out also because I do the same thing.

I would suggest reading the FDS guide more. Especially the part about crushes. Because it’s basically having an instant crush on a stranger.

Colour_riot · 2021-03-24T12:43:27+00:00

Ugh, I miss having the main site. There was a section in the handbook on crushes. About how they don't benefit you at all.

I'm roughly paraphrasing but a really good comment there explained that usually there is something in your life that you feel like you are missing. That person "fills it". The real solution is to address the perceived gap. Like all change, it requires effort.

I'm like that too and I realised that I was co-dependent. Nowadays I still stray into such thoughts, but I recognise them for what they are and try to reframe it by picturing myself with all the things that that fantasy depicts me as having, but by myself / without a specific individual to fantasize on.

Title	How do you stop fantasising about someone
Author	taroenthusiast
Upvotes	16
Comments	7
Date	March 24, 2021 8:47 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askFDS
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askfds/comments/mc1041/how-do-you-stop-fantasising-about-someone/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askFDS/how-do-you-stop-fantasising-about-someone.1629261 https://theredarchive.com/post/1629261

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