How does the social life thing generally work after college and in the adult world if you're a single bachelor that doesn't get married?

jcromero · 2016-04-11T06:17:53+00:00

It's interesting. I'm an introverted 25 year old and have been experiencing post grad life for a few years now

You start to really confront the big existential problems more seriously. What you want to do with your life, what kind of job, friends, lovers you choose keep around, where you want to love etc. It's a pain but you get to experience life in all it's richness at this age
You have to actively socialize more. Classes are an easy way to meet people. Once that's gone you have to learn how to network effectively, for jobs, sex, etc.
Scheduling becomes completely up to you. Without classes your only real constraint is work. You'll find with jobs that if you finish your tasks quickly you can take off. So that affords you a lot of time to spend as you wish. The typical equation is: 8 hours for work, 8 hours of leisure, and 8 hours to sleep
You start to develop your values way more. Like you'll care a whole lot less about someone's interests and hobbies. It's more about their personality and how compatible they are with you. The same goes for what parties and events you go to as well
Your skill sets, if you put in the effort, will get wildly better. My writing skills, for instance, have seen tremendous growth
All your residual childhood insecurities will either fade away or consume you. You'll notice all the high school stoners and athletes have all become schmucks and/or burnouts because they never addressed the specters that have been haunting them. This is probably the best time in your life to start going to therapy
Everything becomes about sink or swim. No use wasting your time anymore
On a happy note, the staggering amount of independence is fucking awesome.

jeezydasnowman · 2016-04-11T05:48:09+00:00

Busy, fun, fast paced, unstable. A lot of new people, old ones often fade as they move or start judging you for your lifestyle or get boyfriends/girlfriends. Every night can be an adventure.

randarrow · 2016-04-11T12:58:02+00:00

Gym most nights a week. Dinner with mentor once a week. Dinner with mom every other week. Meetup.com event or date once or twice a week. Camping or road trip with friends or meetup once a month. Lots of festivals. Occasional trip out of state (alone, with friends, or meetup). A house party every other month.

Theebenedetto · 2016-04-11T12:05:10+00:00

If you have trouble getting laid, there is a lot of lonely nights running out of swipes on Tinder.

evilquesadilla · 2016-04-11T22:02:28+00:00

Fucking awesome. But you have to put in the work to socialize; it's not handed to you like at a school.

For the longest time I never turned down any social invitation. Sometimes I'd party hop 2-3 parties on a Saturday.

So I started from sports teams. I played adult recreational leagues, and from there I made friends, started going to their parties/BBQs, started meeting their friends who weren't necessarily playing sports, and most importantly, their female friends, and the friends of their female friends.

Another path was martial arts. I met a bunch of people doing martial arts, then getting into the local boxing/kickboxing/MMA scene. But by then my other social circles had already grown so I didn't put in the effort to grow this one. I've made a few friends but I didn't establish a social circle... but this was my own fault, I didn't put in the effort.

Another path was music. I've played in various bands, made various friends, but music is less social unless you are out playing gigs all the time. Also I didn't put in much effort. So I don't have a music social circle, rather I have contacts that if I want to do a music project I can call them up.

All these had the potential to grow, but the "sports" one was the one that grew. From there I hooked up with a party crowd (tangentially related to the sports crowd), and once I reached critical mass, everything just took off from there. I was out practically every weekend, going to parties, socializing... even weekdays... best time of my life.

But now I'm in a LTR so that's that.

AFPJ · 2016-04-11T21:18:49+00:00

Lets say you aren't in an LTR or married, how is social life like if you're a single bachelor? Can anyone describe it to me?

A revolving door of people you meet at a bar or through hobbies that will disappear from your life in a year tops.

It's not bad because when exposed to such a high number of new people, some of them stick throughout the years.

It does take maintenance (keep going out / meeting people if your existing connections fall through) but the beauty of it is you never have predetermined arrangements. If you want to ghost for 3-9 months and travel, you can do it.

The approach of "you have it only when you want, although you do have to put in a little bit of work to keep getting it" is much more sane and calming to me than the insane "you have it, even on days/ weeks/ months you don't want to deal with it, even if it's being shitty to you: you're stuck with it" approach, as someone who values personal space.

Title	How does the social life thing generally work after college and in the adult world if you're a single bachelor that doesn't get married?
Author	vietwong
Upvotes	24
Comments	17
Date	April 11, 2016 5:26 AM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/4e9elu/how_does_the_social_life_thing_generally_work/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/how-does-the-social-life-thing-generally-work.163217 https://theredarchive.com/post/163217

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