What is a realistic amount of compatibility for a relationship?

Bakerofpie · 2014-08-17T15:21:44+00:00

I don't think a human exists on this entire planet with whom I would be more compatible than I am with my husband. But to me that doesn't mean being the same. We are alike in many regards, but there would be no room for growth if we had no opposing viewpoints or ideas. To me the most important aspect of compatibility is communication style. I'm not sure how to describe it but that we "get" each other. People I dated in the past could go on and on in circles in the same arguments that kept coming up. I just had no idea where they were coming from, and they clearly had no idea where I was coming from. That's never happened with my husband, and I think even if we weren't so much alike we would be able to get through a lot more conflict simply by understanding each other even if we don't agree.

The basics are important. Religion would have been a deal breaker, not wanting kids would have been a deal breaker, not sharing humor would have been a deal breaker. But I think there are a lot of different ways to define or view compatibility, and only an individual can determine whether or not the level of compatibility within their relationship is adequate.

[deleted] · 2014-08-17T15:19:33+00:00

The best piece of advice I've ever heard on compatibility boiled down to "you have to hate the same things and people". And I honestly think that's true. My husband and I are about 50-60% similar: we are both outgoing but need relaxation time, we both really like having new experiences and trying new things, we both like traveling, we are both very driven and competitive, and we are both very specific about the things that we hate.

On "less compatible" areas, we either just do our own thing (he reads philosophy, I read historical fiction; he goes out, I stay in, etc) or we'll go along together (we're taking a trip to Chicago because my husband really wants to, I'm cool with going to Chicago because he really wants to). It's not that hard to compromise.

sierrasecho · 2014-08-17T17:04:06+00:00

How do you put a percentage on compatibility?

Find a man who shares your core values, and direction in life. The rest is just icing.

Personally, I prefer a man with shared interests over a shared personality. Though shared interests to start are not necessary, without some later on it can be hard to keep the relationship fresh and exciting when the honeymoon phase wanes. Shared interests give you adventures to take together and things to talk about over dinner.

[deleted] · 2014-08-17T16:58:15+00:00

[permanently deleted]

TempestTcup · 2014-08-18T01:25:17+00:00

You don't have to have all the same interests, but it helps if you are close in intellect, values, goals, humor, world-view, etc. My husband and I are interested in many completely different things but there is a little overlap. The differences add interest to our conversations.

I think attraction and respect are very important, and as long as you have those two and have picked a good, responsible man, you will find that the other things fall in place by themselves.

moggymojo · 2014-08-18T10:33:24+00:00

My husband and I are RIDICULOUSLY compatible... probably 90-95%.... sometimes this means we are too similar for our own good, but most of the time it means someone that you just don't get sick of being around. That little bit of difference helps us keep learning new things and trying new stuff (and generally ends up meaning we have even more in common).

[deleted] · 2014-08-19T14:41:45+00:00

As far as values go, I couldn't have found someone more compatible with me than my fiancé. We had almost the same upbringing, and had independently formed very similar values, goals, and worldviews. These things are crucial to come to an agreement on, in my opinion; they are my dealbreakers, in a way.

My fiancé and I are very similar in intellect, and also compliment each other well - he is able to see arching, large minded ideas, and I excel in the nitty-gritty details. This allows us to discuss topics in a really well-rounded way.

I also put a lot of stock in having large, main interests in common. My fiancé and I both love cycling. We both love cooking. Our favorite things to do on date nights are go to plays/concerts, or enjoy a special dinner at a fancy restaurant. Our secondary and more minor interests diverge - fiancé has taken up bonsai trees as a hobby, and I enjoy poetry and reading.

The big things keep us compatible. The small things keep us diverse and interesting, because we get to try things that don't initially interest us.

Spore2012 · 2014-08-17T17:07:34+00:00

Been trying to date girls I'm not that attracted to for science. Also on the basis that it can be just as shallow as basing off looks alone if you are basing on specific traits about them. Anyway, I've dated some who had little in common at all and I assume it wasn't lost after the first date because I was patient, confident, open and interesting. And some other deep issues they had on their part. Ultimately I break it off before it gets serious and that's hard and hurts my soul.

Title	What is a realistic amount of compatibility for a relationship?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	10
Comments	11
Date	August 17, 2014 12:27 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/2dsn3k/what_is_a_realistic_amount_of_compatibility_for_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/what-is-a-realistic-amount-of-compatibility-for-a.165678 https://theredarchive.com/post/165678

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