Am I being ungrateful or doing the best for myself?

Willow-girl · 2017-05-04T18:28:38+00:00

I was in a similar situation 10 years ago; I gave up a good job to move here to marry a man I ended up divorcing a few years later. As in your situation, there is no work here in my chosen field (DHIA tech) and I was lucky to find a low-paying job on a dairy farm in order to keep living my dream, lol. Luckily I met a great guy in this area and we've been very happy together, otherwise it would have been something of a disaster! :-o

I see a couple of red flags in your situation. One, is your boyfriend's career similarly limited by geography? Did he have to move in order to find work, or was it optional? If he already had an acceptable job, and prioritized a career upgrade over being with you ...... hmm, I'm not sure how much I'd sacrifice in that case.

Another thing to consider is whether you love what you do and how much you'd miss it. (If I couldn't work in dairy in some capacity, I think I'd be miserable!)

At the end of the day, I'd advise you to be careful not to invest more in this relationship than your partner is willing to put into it. For instance, I wouldn't quit my job and move on a contingency basis -- that you might get married someday if things work out! See how risky that is?

I was a lot more invested in my ex-husband than he was in me, as it turned out. There were red flags that I ignored because, well, I'm an idiot when I fall in love! Don't be an idiot. :-)

testmypatience · 2017-05-04T18:51:36+00:00

You dated for over a year and have had talks of marriage and family. Did he talk to you about the job move and how you two will get through it? It sounds like we are missing something or he just didn't talk to you about it and took the job and moved without an actual conversation. It isn't about permission. It is about working as a unit vs uncommitted individuals.

EDIT: Fix typos.

WhySoOverHeated · 2017-05-04T19:03:05+00:00

I haven't read any RPW related about gratitude yet so please correct me if I'm wrong, but in my perspective sometimes you can want several things simultaneously and that doesn't make you ungrateful for one or the other. Maybe your situation wouldn't have been a dilemma if you were not grateful for your job. The decision wouldn't even have been a real decision if there weren't any pros and cons on both sides. I think the real core of the dilemma here is for you to figure out what will make you the most happy in the long run, as Willow-girl wrote about. And not just doing what your friend would have done to win approval (not that I know if this could be the case for you, but I did this all the time when I was younger, because I was afraid to be judged negatively by the people I cared about) but figuring out what YOU want. As Laura Doyle mentions in The Surrendered Wife: "If you don't admit you want something, you won't get it"

crownoffeathers · 2017-05-04T19:14:07+00:00

Quitting a great job is the kind of sacrifice a wife (or bare minimum, fiancee) might make, not a girlfriend.

Title	Am I being ungrateful or doing the best for myself?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	3
Comments	12
Date	May 4, 2017 6:04 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/6996rd/am_i_being_ungrateful_or_doing_the_best_for_myself/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/am-i-being-ungrateful-or-doing-the-best-for-myself.167270 https://theredarchive.com/post/167270

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