How to respond to eye contact and approach women?

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January 7, 2019
71 upvotes

Background: I'm a 23M and up until discovering TRP recently I was fat, socially awkward and poorly groomed for most of my life. The last 3 months have essentially been monk mode for me in that I've been hitting the gym, working on my skin/fashion/hair, cutting off toxic friends and trying to improve all areas of my life. I took a year out of uni to do a work placement so I'm now in my final year with a new cohort. I barely know anybody at uni now and I'm off all social media so I've got no social proof. I go out frequently to do things by myself and keep a positive mindset.

Problem: I feel like I'm finally getting noticed by women and getting eye contact but have no idea how to respond. I automatically react by quickly looking away because I've been invisible to women for years and conditioned accordingly. I also have no idea how to approach despite reading countless TRP posts. In my mind I'm still the fat guy that would make a girl feel awkward and repulsed.


Post Information
Title How to respond to eye contact and approach women?
Author pythasaurus
Upvotes 71
Comments 17
Date 07 January 2019 09:51 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/169879
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/admqik/how_to_respond_to_eye_contact_and_approach_women/
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Red Pill terms found in post:
social proofmonk modethe red pill
Comments

[–]MrBowlfish 73 points74 points  (14 children) | Copy

You just have to do the things that your lizard brain is screaming at you to avoid. Just walk up and talk about whatever. You're going to suck at it. They're going to blow you off. Then repeat. It's like any other skill in life. Starts off scary, gets easier and easier. Don't avoid the scary things.

[–]pythasaurus[S] 25 points26 points  (13 children) | Copy

Thanks, and how do I respond to eye contact? Do I hold it for a few seconds and smile at them? If they smile back is that my invitation to approach?

[–]MrBowlfish 28 points29 points  (10 children) | Copy

I would try to hold it and let them break it but I don't overthink these situations. It's more important to just get experience opening women wherever you go and whenever you feel like it. Their signals are murky.

[–]pythasaurus[S] 12 points13 points  (9 children) | Copy

Does it really matter what I talk about? One of my biggest fears when it comes to approaching is the girl thinking "ok why is this loser talking to me about ice cream cones in the middle of winter when I just want to be alone"

[–]MrBowlfish 27 points28 points  (8 children) | Copy

She will think that stuff. So what? Do you go outside and find your car has been repossessed because of it? You need what's called outcome independence. Who cares where the interaction goes? There are really no consequences. Some women, especially when you get better at it, will love the fact that some guy had the balls to change her day. You have to be willing to take the risk, be willing to look like a fool. It's worth it.

[–]pythasaurus[S] 16 points17 points  (7 children) | Copy

be willing to look like a fool

I genuinely wish I could flip a switch and feel like this. Your advice was succinct and very helpful, I'll implement the things you said, thanks man.

[–]INNASKILLZ2K18 8 points9 points  (6 children) | Copy

What this guy said...outcome I dependence. You need an air of just enough interested, and just enough 'I could not care less if you give me your number, or not'.

For myself...I always approach in a similar way. With a dynamic.

I always open with a tease, and bring her down to earth a bit...

Sorry to interrupt you, but I like your style, I had to say hi. I'm bob'

Her - blah blah blah

Me - ' yeah, you got that serious, 'don't talk to me' vibe. It's adorable'

Or 'you have that little princess, but tough girl vibe. It's adorable'...

Cut right through their facade, and devalue it.

'hey, it's better than the boring girls I know'

Bit of push pull already.

'what do you do? Lemme guess...you spend a whole lot of time on instagram, you post a million selfies, string a thousand poor guys on, and break their heart...cuz you're mean and cold hearted'

Big tease...delivery has to be on point, and exaggerate the tease, so it's obvious it's a tease. I get a big emotional reaction from this.

Her - blah blah.

Me - 'ok, what do you really do'?

Her 'I'm a blah blah blah'

Me - 'ah, ok so you're telling me you're smart/intelligent/driven/dedicated (whatever, based on what she does)...or are you just doing it because ***** (another tease)

Her - blah blah blah

Me - 'ok, so you are smart/intelligent/whatever. I believe you.

Me - 'are you a fun girl? What do you do for fun. What brings you the most joy and happiness...and you can't say Netflix'

Her - blah blah

Me - so you like feeling (whatever, based on what she does for fun)

Me - ok...so you're a little tough, intelligent, and you like feeling ***. When I came up, I thought for sure you would be shy/standoffish/boring...but you're cool, I actually like you. Would you say you like trying new things'?

Her - yes

Me - 'ok, give me your number, and I'll find d out if you're really worth getting to know.'

I set a whole lot of shit in my frame...pulls/pushes...teasing...I sum her up a bit...and evoke emotion.

I do it all with a frame of abundance/IDGAF/qualifying.

If she turns it on me, shit tests...I keep my responses short, direct and confident. You don't wanna turn into qualifying yourself, or seeking approval.

The usual shit tests I get are when I ask for a number. Those normally are 'I don't give my number/you have to work for it/confident aren't you'?

I respond with something like 'yep, and I'm the best man whose going to ask you for it. Take it or leave it'

A quick assertion of frame...and a quick assertion if outcome independence.

It's easy to choose something about the girl to lead in with...and some quick banter.

I'm called cocky, confident, asshole, hahaha...unique, different. All sorts of.shit. but hey, I get emotions out.of.them.

[–]pythasaurus[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Thank you for the dialogue, it's super informative to see how these 1-to-1 conversations go from a veteran. I simply don't have wingmen or existing female friends/social circle like many of the TRP field reports but I'm determined to improve my game without all that.

[–]INNASKILLZ2K18 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

We're always learning, man. The main thing is to be confident, fun, and lead the conversation.

You can read 'The Seduction Blueprint' by Avery Hayden. It will give you some really good pointers.

[–]randomTATRP 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Finally someone with an actual string of conversation inhere, it helps out! Thanks

[–]INNASKILLZ2K18 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Haha, thanks. Gotta be careful though with those teases...depends how big my dgaf is at the time. This example is for the real princess looking young girls

[–]lifeisweirdasfuck 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Been a long time since I haven't read some PUA lines, but these ones are awesome. It's useful to have some practical advice for outer game as TRP is pretty much just theory and psychology, while this is something like a mix of both. The advice you give on asktrp is really great, you should consider writing a post on the main subreddit.

[–]INNASKILLZ2K18 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Wow, thanks for saying. That helps my confidence.

Yeah...I kinda guess with approaching, what worked for me was discovering the inner frame, but how to communicate it, too.

I don't like to think of it as PUA...more just communication, but I see what you mean.

This approach, I can pretty much mould to the girl...and it's usually pretty fun.

I appreciate the feedback, I was hoping it didn't crash and burn, lol.

I may start writing some stuff on the main page. Thanks again.

[–]myagoo 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Eye contact, smile, if she smile back, go talk to her. Usually, if she has earphones, I'll ask her what she is listening to. It's a sincere ice breaker for me.

[–]AloofusMaximus 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Just practice holding eye contact with strangers. Make it an everyday task (like make eye contact with 3 strangers) to start. You'll have to work on not being timid, but it'll get easier. Another thing I'd remembered reading was to play a game at the store... Like remember the eye color of the counter person.

As far as what to say, nothing amazing or deep to start out with. "Good morning" is a start.

[–]CasualPlay3r 19 points20 points  (3 children) | Copy

Well sounds like you need to be comfortable in your own skin.

It takes time. One of the most important trp concepts is frame i.e: you. Your frame is that shy awkward fat guy, but thats on the past. If girls look at you, it means you are not that person anymore.

Have a healthy ego and love yourself a little more, as you keep improving, you will realize what you are becoming.

Go and approach woman, fuck up and learn what you must. One thing is reading it here, reality is a different game. You will notice your mistakes if you read TRP, good luck.

[–]pythasaurus[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks man, it's hard to break out of the old mind set. One of my biggest mistakes is reading too much on here but doing no approaching. When I read field reports I often see guys having wing men and already established social circles, so it's been difficult visualizing myself approaching without all that.



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