How to deal with aggressive people or people trying to sandbag you at work/socially?

fakthemods · 2017-06-16T21:31:06+00:00

Why didn't you let the dude borrow your notes? You don't have to but what was your reasoning? That can factor into how you respond.
If this is a recurring and consistent thing then your friend doesn't want to see you succeed. His reasons for this don't matter. He is an obstacle to your goals. You can have a come-to-jesus with him or if its a problem that extends to other friends everyone can tell him to cut the shit.

I'm not afraid, I just don't want to get to respond and make a scene.

You are afraid. You may not be afraid of that person but you are afraid of the consequences of your actions. If some dude tells you to fuck off in the middle of class loud enough for everyone to notice either you've done something pretty bad or he's a hothead looking for confrontation. Hotheads only spout off to people they think won't retaliate. That's why you always hear about the bully who caught a fist to the mouth and stopped being an asshole but never hear about bullies stopping when ignored.

Ultimately, though nothing I can tell you here really matters because one size fits all advice will never work. You have to know your own limits. You have to be the arbiter of how others treat you.

walawalawa · 2017-06-17T02:30:19+00:00

Work is different than the outside world. The skills that make you alpha with women need to be calibrated.

I used to be always standing up for myself...agreeing and amplifying...out to win every battle.

Now...I'm smarter. I wait. I watch. I just had a run in with a girl I work with. She's bossy and undermined me in a way.

Instead of pulling her aside and blowing up---like I might do with a girl I was banging...I let her vent.

I collected all her ramblings as evidence and sent them to the superior with a note saying "This is not team behavior".

You have to be smarter and realize that being a high-profile jerkboy wont' get you far in a highly politicized environment.

The Rules of Power work more effectively. Keep a lower profile, make yourself vital to every project...carve out a niche...pick the right battles at the right times.

Usually bossy idiots cross the line and blow themselves up. No need to be that guy who's always "Standing up for himself"...you look like you can't get along.

Sometimes it's better to keep a lower profile and position yourself as the guy trying to get things done but constantly encountering resistance from unhelpful individuals.

trp_sidepiece · 2017-06-16T23:59:59+00:00

Same way you would if a woman gave you a shit test: agree and amplify.

Ex: I was at work the other day and for whatever reason two other guys and myself got on the topic of the small pocket that usually comes on shorts (like the one u might put a small lighter in).

I said that's where I put my condoms and he said "must be small condoms" my response was "yea, small dick." They laughed and we moved on.

Or you can always just ignore.

GayLubeOil · 2017-06-17T01:36:48+00:00

You probably look and act like a colossal pussy. This is what happens when you are at the bottom of a male Social hierarchy.

2ndLion · 2017-06-17T01:33:53+00:00

You need to lift

Turbosuperfastlaser1 · 2017-06-17T02:00:11+00:00

Actual response here... I've always thought I only had two ways of answering people for the longest time. Yes or no. I've found there is a third answer do nothing. Don't stoop to their level. That's one way. Another is, just what the previous guy said... She and amplify when doing nothing just won't suffice. As for your friend, call him out in front of everyone. If you all have been friends for ten years plus, your friends see what you see. Next time he does this shit, simply be direct and say something along the lines of Hey man, why is that every time we get together, you make fun of me or call me out? It's kind of bullshit and I'm getting tired of it. If it escalates from there, punch him right in his shit and that'll stop all that nonsense in it's tracks.

LordThunderbolt · 2017-06-17T16:23:38+00:00

" (Can't really cut the dude out, he's been in our friend group for like 10 years.)"

Pull him to the side and set him straight. Or call him out in front of the group.

As far as the situation with the notes, I don't know why you couldn't just give him the notes. Either way, you could've easily told him "No, YOU go fuck yourself"

Majesty_of_Nothing · 2017-06-16T20:49:57+00:00

For scenario2, I will usually tell an equally embarrassing story about the guy trying to make you look bad. I'm sure you have some dirt on the guy if you're friends for 10 plus years. Now whether this is the RP way of handling things, it might be questionable.

[deleted] · 2017-06-16T22:03:18+00:00

I've never seen anyone use the term 'sandbag' in that context outside of family guy but it's hilarious

Title	How to deal with aggressive people or people trying to sandbag you at work/socially?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	7
Comments	23
Date	June 16, 2017 8:36 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/6hp6x3/how_to_deal_with_aggressive_people_or_people/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/how-to-deal-with-aggressive-people-or-people.180562 https://theredarchive.com/post/180562

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