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[–]Nyquil-Junkie14 points15 points16 points 9 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Put the condom on before you leave the house for the date.
Problem solved.
[–]caP1taL1sm-1 points0 points1 point 9 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Lol I thought about that as a solution... wouldn't it be mad awkward though as we're unrobing each other for her to see it on me? Lmao I'm laughing because I'm picturing her surprise but like I said the thought definitely crossed my mind.
[–]sihitu1233 points4 points5 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
the fuck! ... are you real?
[–]caP1taL1sm0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Hell yeah
[–]roseillus2 points3 points4 points 9 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Don't sweat it, try again. You could also tell her to do it instead.
[–]Andrew543213 points4 points5 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
With her mouth
[–]VipKyle0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Love that show
[–]bowie7470 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This is the correct answer. Instruct her to put it in you, preferably using her mouth.
[–]kruxofthemimed2 points3 points4 points 9 years ago (13 children) | Copy Link
If you have difficulty maintaining an erection it could be a combination of factors:
Performance anxiety is a big one- you should create a headspace when you're banging a chick that revolves around lightness and happiness. Be very positive and think of sex as an enjoyable team effort rather than some kind of competition that you have to win. Get out of your head and view the entire activity as a collaboration. Have fun with it man, be comfortable with yourself and fuck her brains out.
Diet and exercise can play a big role. Improve your cardiovascular function by eating much cleaner (less saturated fat, less cholesterol) and you will notice a tremendous improvement in erection quality. The reason we have no problem getting rock hard boners when we're kids is because we hadn't had the time to reap the consequences from our poor food choices. Despite nearly 100% of 10 year olds in America having aortic fatty streaks (the starting signs of atherosclerosis) the plaque build up isn't too significant until you're about 20 when it can start to cause erectile dysfunction.
Stop watching porn. Porn will desensitize you to real life naked women and it makes it very difficult to stay aroused for any period of time without stimulation (hence why when you stopped and took a break to put the condom on you lost your boner) it does this by saturating your dopamine receptors and, much like many street drugs, starts to build a tolerance level. You know how anything with a slight amount of semblance to a naked lady would take you from 0 - 100 in like two seconds as a kid? Yeah, it probably isn't like that anymore for you, and it's because of the overstimulation from modern media and potentially porn usage.
TL;DR: Don't feel like sex is a competition, eat healthier/exercise/lose weight, stop watching porn. Don't take supplements. If you need something to give your penile arteries a boost, drink a glass of water with a few tablespoons of cocoa powder in it. Cocoa powder has such a dense concentration of nitric oxide you will literally feel the vasodilation in your arteries.
[–]caP1taL1sm0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
This is really helpful, thanks man. I think it really boils down to your first bullet point -- it's been years since I've gotten laid and I was sporting an erection the entire time leading up, and while giving eating her out and fingering her. So it was really just once the break in the action occurred, and we paused and I was putting on my condom that my head space broke down, I was fumbling with the condom and got nervous and by the time I got it over my dick it was half it's size lmfao.
I was completely sober, so I wonder if being a bit tipsy but not drunk (obviously) might help with the headspace issues. I've had sex a few years ago when I was very drunk so I don't think I get whiskey dick necessarily. But I've never gotten condom dick either so idk...
As for supplements, I mean them in a literally short-term aspect. Like just so I can fuck her next time and so I don't lose this chick because I can't fuck her and she gets turned off because of how pathetic it is that I can't put a condom on lol. Like just takin something an hour before that would really help ensure I maintain an erection long enough to get the fucking thing on
[–]kruxofthemimed0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
I think performance anxiety stems from mainly two things- first is obviously social conditioning. You feel pressured to meet some idealized standard of a human male, and because of that pressure you focus less on the enjoyment of sex and more on how you are being perceived. It takes time to fix this type of mindset, but you absolutely can do things to help yourself now.
Next time you see the girl or anybody for that matter, go into the night with an appreciative mindset. Thrive on the energy between both of you, and build off of it. You are there to have a great time my man! Seriously, let yourself enjoy it. Be you and don't be sorry for being you. Part of TRP is internalizing and applying outcome independence- you will never be able to play a false persona as genuinely as you can play yourself, so just be you and if the girl doesn't like it that's fine. There are gonna be shitty people out there not looking for somebody who isn't shitty themselves.
Secondly, I urge you to look into the other options as well. It's easy to point at anxiety (because that's what you felt at the time) and say it's the culprit, but to some extent the anxiety would ideally not be there if you escalated comfortably and are attracted to the girl, so it's likely a combination of something initially causing the lack of arousal and then you panicking that you are no longer aroused because you become worried you will not be able to perform.
Vasodilation is the mechanism by which your penile arteries expand to let the increased blood flow give you a big throbbing schlong. Vasodilation is heavily impacted by your arterial health. If your diet isn't centered around mainly plant foods you will naturally struggle with cardiovascular health. The reason for this is mainly because your body actually uses antioxidants to dilate your arteries, nitric oxide being one of the main ones. This is also why, instead of taking a supplement, I recommend drinking plain cocoa powder in water. It will heavily enhance the vasodilation abilities of the blood vessels in your body, sort of like a supplement, but actually very healthy for you. A few others things I suggest: Do not cum a single time before seeing this girl, minimize the amount of dietary cholesterol/saturated fat you consume as this will only contribute to arterial plaque which impinges blood flow, stretch every day and exercise, and also change your mindset in life.
I don't lose this chick because I can't fuck her and she gets turned off because of how pathetic it is that I can't put a condom on lol.
You aren't pathetic. You got soft, it's not a big deal hahaha. Change this attitude. You are not some big disappointment and your father and grandfather and all of your ancestors will shame you blah blah blah fuck all of that. It doesn't matter, you are going to be nothing but dust in 100 years. Let yourself enjoy this place and for godsake don't be so hard on yourself. Take life much less seriously, you will see results. Good luck friend.
[–]caP1taL1sm0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Well I plan on living long enough to live forever 8). And I'm not upset about it I know this shit happens, I'm 24 it's not like I'm 18. I'm just saying that as a one-time fix to at least show this chick I can fuck her, and from there improve on all the other things. I'll try the cocoa powder in water. I'm just stoically problem solving at this point, I told her lets meet for coffee tomorrow and I'm gonna try to smash then.
[–]kruxofthemimed0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
i recommend microwaving the water if you get the chance heh. the vasodilation effect wont work if you consume it with dairy though so dont get a hot cocoa and think its gonna do anything lul gotta down it straight like a man. good luck dude, no pressure on ya coffee will certainly be nice and she will let you smash more than likely. GL
[–]empatheticapathetic0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Thanks for you advice. Not OP but similar issues. Essentially a late 20s virgin and have too much mind fog (especially after TRP) to be able to get hard even just by myself, nevermind with an escort or someone. Can I ask, should I stop eating eggs? I eat them daily as they help increase T which surely helps me generally not be such a pussy but here you say cholesterol is a major problem. I don't lift due to a lifting injury and couldn't get hard 4 out of the 7 times I saw escorts last year.
[–]kruxofthemimed0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Can I ask, should I stop eating eggs? I eat them daily as they help increase T
Yes, stop eating eggs. Having more cholesterol in your blood doesn't translate to having more testosterone. Here is a study comparing average testosterone levels in 233 vegan men, 237 vegetarians, and 226 meat eaters. All groups had almost identical levels of free testosterone (testosterone that your body can use) while vegans tended to have higher amounts of total testosterone however also having more testosterone binding globulins to equal it out.
The common notion that more cholesterol = more testosterone likely started from some sort of propaganda from the animal products industry, be it paleo or atkins or whatever the fuck those diets were. If you want more testosterone the best thing you can do is eat healthy, exercise, and try to reduce your stress. Make sure you're at a healthy BMI.
If you eat a lot of cholesterol that is more than likely a major reason why you have a hard time getting it up. If you are experiencing brain fog, stop watching porn. Immediately. Join nofap if you need to though they have a lot of bullshit over there, honestly man feel free to message me if you need an accountability partner with that because it can be a little rough and I have a lot of experience with it.
I can also help you with diet. I'm sorry to hear that you got a lifting injury but do as much as you can, at the very least try to stretch twice a day. I love this stretching routine, I do it three times daily and I'm much more flexible after only 7 weeks.
[–]empatheticapathetic0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Thanks for you reply man. I guess I'll stop the eggs.
Well man I don't get erections and could go forever without masturbating or having the urge. I don't watch porn. I did Nofap in 2015 and mastered it, but now I have the opposite problem. Any ideas?
In contrast feel free to contact me about abstaining from porn if you want at all. A few guys message me currently after some posts I made on Nofap back in the day.
[–]kruxofthemimed0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Any ideas?
Are you over/underweight? Your hormonal system is heavily impacted by your BMI. If your diet is subpar then it's very likely you are suffering from several nutritional deficiencies. If there's one thing you can do to help with that, I'd recommend at the very least making kale/broccoli and some form of legume/whole grain a regular staple. Be it brown rice, black beans, lentils, whatever one you prefer. It's good to cycle through them too.
It isn't too uncommon for omnivores to become B12 deficient. I'd really recommend ordering some B12, here's a 110 week supply for $8.48 on Amazon. Will help with energy a lot and keeps your brain sharp. Take one of those a week, you only need 2,500mcg/weekly. Look into getting yourself some Vitamin D3 as well, here is a two month supply of Lichen-based D3. Those should help quite substantially.
Lifestyle outside of diet matters too. If you feel unfulfilled and uninspired throughout your life, the biggest thing I can recommend is immersing yourself in nature more often and socializing frequently. I of course have no idea what your life is like but from my own experience that has helped tremendously.
And thanks for the offer man, I appreciate it.
[–]empatheticapathetic0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I eat pretty healthy man and have broccoli pretty regularly. 90% home cooked meals atm. Slightly overweight but I fit into a small so not that bad. Never been underweight. I haven't eaten grains for a while though. I take vit D and zma, I'll look into b12 cheers.
I'm moving very soon and intend to restart a light fitness routine which should help my mental and physical health. That's what I'm pretty much counting on/hoping will fix me.
Thanks a lot for your help. Honestly hit me up if you ever need to chat or whatever.
hope the b12 helps my man. same goes for you, take it easy ;-)
[–]bowie7470 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Any tips on getting out your head and creating a light, playful situation?
[–]kruxofthemimed1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Of course my man. I want to note before I get into them- don't expect a huge change right away. You've been socially conditioned your entire life to be on defense, to fear for your ego, but you can overcome it in what is ultimately a small amount of time relative to the entirety of your life.
Step 1: You are sharing. When you talk, visualize your words in the other person's head. Understand that in talking you are collaborating with whoever you are talking to, whether it be a group or a single person. You guys are sharing ideas and growing together. You are the group. They appreciate your presence, most people who don't hate you do. I personally appreciate talking to just about anybody. I see every conversation as a way to better myself, practice using more energy and emotion in my speech, and I notice I always feel great and out of my head when I have a positive social interaction so I love it.
Step 2: You are not competing! Even if somebody starts screaming at you, all you have to do to take away their power is laugh. Take life less seriously. You are not constantly being judged by 1,000,000 people who will all torture and rape you one at a time if you say something that sounds dumb. If you allow yourself to not feel so damn controlled by social conditioning by simply realizing how ridiculous it is, you will be on your way to freeing your mind from the chains of fear. I recommend smiling more, real genuine smiles with the tension around your eyes.
Step 3: Accept yourself. I will always recommend improving yourself through meditation, exercise, philosophy, etc. But accept that there will always be somebody better than you at something. Only compare yourself to.. well.. yourself. Compare current you to past you, and you will notice progress. You will be surprised how quickly you can improve in multiple facets, and it will make you realize that people who you think are way above you, actually are not. They just took a few extra steps that you haven't yet.
Overall, my biggest advice is to smile more and appreciate the situation. Try to learn to laugh more, don't fall into the bullshit trap of getting so stressed out about how people view you. This place doesn't matter that much you know? It's not worth it to get so worried all the time. Take life with a grain of salt and laugh your troubles off. Every bad thing ever could happen to your reputation and you would still be intact. Everybody could shun you, throw you in jail, etc etc, but you would ultimately be fine. Always remember that my man. You will always be fine, no matter how badly you get rejected. Good luck on improvement. This was a very helpful video for me.
Thanks
[–]Endorsed Contributorvandaalen2 points3 points4 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I fucking hate condoms and I especially hate putting them on. I frequently go soft if it takes too long to put them on.
I just make sure I have the condom within reach before we start. I will then after some foreplay put my dick in her mouth, grab after the condom and unwrap it while she is sucking me. I've become very good at putting it on fast and it usually isn't a problem now.
It also helps to remind yourself that you are doing it for yourself since you don't want to put your future into the hands of some cum dumpster.
[–]Tyler_Gatsby points points points 9 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
First, I put the packaged condom in between the mattresses, with the corner sticking out so I can slide my hand down the side of the bed and just grab it. Or you could put it in the pillow case, and just reach in there and grab it while kissing her or whatever. As for putting it on, I usually do it as I finish going down on them, and I'm just blowing on it, or teasing her somehow. If you're not into giving oral, or not this time, just kiss down her a bit, and do it while you kiss on her tits or such.
Yeah I'm thinking kind of like while I'm leaning on the bed and she's on it, and I can put it on while touching/kissing her. I think part of it was the break in action which just made me lose track of the moment
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
i went through this. Happened to me once, then again, then i got all in my head. Handled it badly a couple times.
Here's what i came up with:
First, do some practicing and try different condoms to find a comfortable size and brand. Try lube inside, but too much might make it prone to slipping off so experiment.
Then, make it an interactive project, not you fumbling around while she waits passively. give her the condom and start giving her instructions. make it a multistep process.
You can try to do something sexual while putting it on, such as playing with her tits.
The biggest thing though is you have to relax. I had issues with condoms when I first started having sex, and I see guys here post about losing erections. Basically you are self conscious and or nervous. You need to get comfortable with yourself and being with someone.
[–]Endorsed ContributorMetalgear2220 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I always tell the girl to put it on for me
[–]DiggerClam0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Practice. Seriously. Wank, get hard, wrap up. Do that every day for 2-4wks. Soon you'll be juggling doms, doing tricks with them and you'll be confident as fuck.
Sounds stupid but seriously, practice practice practice even something as silly as this.
Hmm I will try that, but I fear it was just a matter of in the moment idiosyncrasy, in other words just how it played out it made for an awkward moment during the foreplay (getting the condom out and open) and then it killed it for me. So yes, I should have practiced I was pretty dumb not to in fact.
Do you mean ejaculate into the condom, or just practice maintaining an erection while getting the condom on?
[–]brooklynisburnin0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Stand up and pick the condom.
Grab her head and pull it towards your dick while saying "Here, keep it warm."
???
Profit.
[–]desno0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I get this to some extent. It kind of takes me "out of the moment" which kills the mood for me a bit
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