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[–]superbad4life7 points8 points9 points 10 years ago (12 children) | Copy Link
Dude, I understand the need to get off, but at what costs? She's going to make you pay in terms of being an emotional tampon. Unless she is willing to be submissive again, hard next. But honestly if this is true:
I really don't want her back (no longer LTR material)
Then why screw with it at all? At best you get a fuck buddy that gets attached to another guy because at best you're a beta to her. At worst, you fall for her again and she pulls the exact same shit.
[–]blackjustin0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link
There's always potential for shit to backfire. I guess my plan is to just not get attached.. Do what I do, enjoy our infrequent time together, and just dip out. As far as her being submissive goes, I think on some level, she's still that insecure fat girl at heart, and that submissive person is there. Shes not NOT submissive. We had sex all the time. She never even turned me down for sex when I initiated. She has already stated that she feels stupid talking to me, etc. She wants my attention for some reason or another - there's a ton of people out there she could talk to. She chose to talk to me. She wants my attention, i want her ass. Why can't we both get what we want on some level? I hope that makes sense.
Help me RP
[–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I guess my plan is to just not get attached.
Do you think anyone goes in thinking "Boy, I hope I get attached"?
[–]superbad4life0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
Why can't we both get what we want on some level?
For me personally, I would get emotionally attached to someone like this (and by would I mean I did). But again, you're still going to be the one she whines to unless you shut her up by hanging up or putting something in her mouth. She does want attention, but you're almost validating everything she's done. If you can be the more Alpha, then sure, have your fun. But if this were me giving me advice, I'd say you wanted an LTR, you wrote her off for the LTR, and now she wants your ass back because you were always there for her. Who has the upper true power?
[–]blackjustin0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
Validation is a very strange thing to me. Because on one hand, I call myself laying down the law and cutting her off for a bit - but by reconciling it seems like i'm almost reinforcing the fact that she CAN do whatever she wants to do without consequence, because we "work shit out"
At the beginning, I didn't seek her out for a LTR or even for sex, it gradually turned into that and 2 years later, here we are. As far as who has the power..... when you put it that way, it seems like I have the power at the moment. She is talking to me and i'm not overly interested. But this shit can turn so quickly it's hard to say.
I might just chalk this up as a loss and a learning experience. If nothing else, I at least have something I can relate some of these theories to
[–]RPmatrix0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I think on some level, she's still that insecure fat girl at heart, and that submissive person is there.
Bro, this is exactly what 'her problem' is ... and that's why she's lapping up ALL the attention she never got before now. You are wise to realize this, so let her learn that things are rarely what they seem at face value, All by herself. You can lead a horse to water and all that and she's drunk her fill of you, from the sounds of things and has now gone to graze in the pubsture
What I 'read between your lines' is what seems to be a strong desire not to 'lose' this person, even though you say you don't want to be in an LTR with her ... so why not make her the FWB she now is, If you're still fucking her.
IMHO this LTR is well over, but I think you have invested a lot into this girl and 'letting her go' probably feels like you're 'losing something' ,, but in reality, you're gaining your 'freedom' from an LTR, which is always hard, but it's up to you how hard. You can draw it out or you can finish it quickly and move on
What do you mean by "shit can turn so quickly"? You say it several times which makes me think it has before, but exactly "what shit" are you talking about?
[–]blackjustin1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I think part of my own personal problem is, i DID invest a LOT of time, effort, and energy into this, and while I dont necessarily want to lose the great friend I once had, I absolutely do not want to continue on the path that i'm on and keep dealing with the bullshit I've been dealing with. I think what I have to come to terms with is that the amazing person I once wanted is only a shadow anymore. That person is no longer there. She's just... kind of become a bitch. I made myself clear in what I wanted. She just turned into a person who doesn't care what I want or expect, she turned into a person who wants to do whatever she wants without consequence. Which, of course, isn't going to work in any sort of relationship.
When I say "shit can turn so quickly", what I mean is.... One minute you're having a completely rational conversation, the next she hits you with some sort of illogical nonsense, and you're in a screaming contest at 1AM and the shit is hitting the fan.
To quote the great Frank Underwood, "There are two types of pain. There is the pain you learn from, and then, there is just suffering".
I dont intend on suffering over this. I plan on getting back in the gym, concentrating on school work and being the best person I can be.
I might actually just be the one who is currently being illogical. What you are saying makes sense.
[–]RPmatrix0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You sound pretty logical to me mate, just Human and I hear you.
Like I said before, I think she's discovered she's now able to DO all the things the 'other girls do' that the 'fat her' could've never done ... which seems to be a rebound effect from years of being obese and unwanted.
Good. That's what I think you should do. Anything else that happens, lay by ear BUT DON"T fuck her again, for your own sake, as now as you said, "you're in her frame" and I'd say she thinks this is the case too. Time to put an end to that and radio silence is your friend here.
get back into doing all the other cool things you love to do, now you're free of what sounds like a BPD landwhale you helped but who's a basically a psycho you can't help!
[–]Sementeries0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
You would have done all that for nothing by going back to her like a lost puppy.
[–]blackjustin0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I'm not intending on going back, per se. But if I could still hit it and do what I want..... why not? That's what I was getting at. But you guys are kind of pointing out exactly how much of a lost cause this actually might be. I'd never "go back" to her... She'd have to come back to me.
[–]Sementeries0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
In her head, she'll think that you putting your dick in her means that you took her back.
[–]blackjustin0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Well, shes allowed to think that all she wants, but......
[–]Sementeries0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You're right, but you'd more than likely revert back to your old self.
You do what you want.
[–]RPmatrix2 points3 points4 points 10 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
It's time to let this one go bro, she's discovered (with your help) her 'pussy power' and is flexing that 'muscle' ...
IME this is when It's time to leave, you've done your bit and had your fun, now it's someone elses turn!
Remember, women are 'serial monogamists' and it was 'just your turn',, and you did well during it.
Don't fret now about 'sunk costs' .. the next women you get with will only be better than this one due to the experience you've gained -- and 30 is a great age for a guy to be when looking for sex and companionship, make the most of it mate!
Here you go .. lucky for me I keep these links on hand!
https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/2q582c/a_comprehensive_guide_to_the_red_pill/
http://therationalmale.com/2011/08/23/schedules-of-mating/
http://puerarchy.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/TheFuturist_TheMisandryBubble.pdf
Maybe a refresher will help get your head right
And good on you for getting her to lose all the weight, that's a pretty Sigma thing to do ... coz Sigma's are natty alpha's who make their own 'rules' half the time
It might be over now, but you did a good thing for her while you were together and IME, Life tends to look after the people who 'look after life' ... you'll be fine soon bro, just hang in here and things will come good for you
I believe The best way to get over any girl is to meet another nicer one!
[–]tb876701 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Lay down how it is, what conditions you will stay and what conditions you will walk. Tell her what you are and what you are not as far as she is concerned. If she tries to argue any of it, wants X without giving out Y etc. then just stay away because it won't happen with a happy ending for you. Never be afraid to walk was the #1 lesson I learned myself firsthand. Women always assume that you are afraid to walk and once they see you are not it changes things.
I have a thing where I tell women I don't share, if she's with me she's with me. That actually gets the tingles in more of them than I thought after the few meets I had. Women react better when I am authoritative and know what I want. Let her know she's low on the totem pole on your priorities because you do have better shit to do than listen to a woman crying.
[–]blackjustin1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
This is solid - I mean, I DID say I went Beta, but I didn't go full beta, whining and being a total bitch - but I think my main mistakes were A.) Trying to reason with a woman and B.) Trying to talk to an irrational person using logic. I think I did too much talking and not enough doing. We've gone through spats where I just won't talk to her... and she kind of comes around, and when we hang out she turns into a totally different person, she turns into that old, sweet girl I was attracted to. But she tends to push buttons and I guess shit test me and do things I find inappropriate.. then I try to communicate why I feel they aren't appropriate and shit goes haywire.
am I making sense here?
[–]tb876702 points3 points4 points 10 years ago* (3 children) | Copy Link
Totally. You went 'purple' like I did with my first ever plate recently. What I learned firsthand is the moment you go even a smidge blue the woman doesn't want you. Purple works occasionally but try to keep up being red more often than not. I played with fire, went blue a bit more than I know I should have and my plate attempted to put me in orbit like all her exes as 'still friends' and I walked since it would not benefit me in any way. She might come crawling back, maybe not, don't care. I did slip back into anger phase after a few days though, trying to bury myself in physical work.
You need to hold frame like I need to, don't try to communicate about feelings. I keep reading around here you need to be constantly stoic. If she does something you don't like just say it straight up, don't 'communicate' it or explain it. Just say 'no' or 'don't do that', if you try explaining it you become a talkative beta to her. It's hard going red.....don't want to ever go back and would rather die than be blue but it's not easy to deal with the shithole that is reality right now.
[–]blackjustin0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
This is the truth. I've learned that you really can't be reasonable with women, because when you try to be reason and point things out, you're an asshole, you get that overly reactional bullshit, etc etc and it never goes anywhere and the problem is never resolved. I tried for a bit to use reason and try to act respectfully and it was like she immediately lost all respect for me and it was like i just became dogshit to her for her to stomp in whenever she wanted.
Meanwhile i'm sitting here wondering what the fuck just happened.
[–]RPmatrix0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
I've learned that you really can't be reasonable with women,
Actually you can, BUT usually not when you need them to be so!
Women can be as logical and reasonable as any other human, they just tend not to be, when they choose not to be as if it's a 'right'!
However, You must remember, that in the 1970's the female's 'prerogative' to change her mind 'at the drop of a hat',, was still a socially accepted meme!
As was it for a man to be totally puzzled by "women" and their behavior, and this was the perfect excuse to remain what we now call a Blue Pill Beta provider, and there have forever been more beta men than alphas and this was their way out of being unable to successfully deal with women, just call them 'puzzling' and 'confusing' and "always changing her mind" (but, y'know, a woman's prerogative right?) and 80% of other men are going to agree! The other 20% are too busy fucking them to care!
Add to this that, most women under 30yo today, have mothers and grandmothers who grew up thinking that these "beliefs" were completely socially acceptable (and they were! in the 50's through 70's) and these women have conveyed this (and how to capitalize on it with men) to their little princesses,, who have then used it (how to be an air-headed little slut and use their Pussy Power to get what they want) so they can manipulate most men to their favor in every way they can, coz women have prostituted themselves forever, and, AWALT!
[–]jkonrad1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
If you want to fuck her again do not give her closure. In fact, never give any girl closure. Ever.
[–]machimus1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Okay, time to get out my copy-paste answers.
Should I ___________ my ex?
NO.
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I had a similar situation (minus mma and all that). Got a call several months after she fucked my best friend "Boohoo he's an asshole and my dad has to have bypass surgery and my mom is an alcoholic blah blah blah". I let her finish up and said "So why are you calling me?" "I just thought you'd care whaaaaa" at which point I hung up.
[–]notmyusualreddit0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Ive had that decline while in a relationship happen to me before. Want to get stuck in this funk EVEN longer? Then keep spending time with the main person associated with it. Ive seen several guys waste YEARS in a funk like this because they coasted with the person that let them still feel it was ok.
Look into monk mode or mgtow for months or a year (or forever?) and reset your life.
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[–]superbad4life7 points8 points9 points (12 children) | Copy Link
[–]blackjustin0 points1 point2 points (11 children) | Copy Link
[–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]superbad4life0 points1 point2 points (9 children) | Copy Link
[–]blackjustin0 points1 point2 points (8 children) | Copy Link
[–]RPmatrix0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]blackjustin1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]RPmatrix0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Sementeries0 points1 point2 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]blackjustin0 points1 point2 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]Sementeries0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]blackjustin0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Sementeries0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]RPmatrix2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]tb876701 point2 points3 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]blackjustin1 point2 points3 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]tb876702 points3 points4 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]blackjustin0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]blackjustin1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]RPmatrix0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]jkonrad1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]machimus1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]notmyusualreddit0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link