I want to start approaching (more) girls, but the thought of being judged by my peers as pathetic/a loser/a failure for rejection makes me terrified. Thoughts?

Thu Jan 1 0:00:00 1970 UTC

[permanently deleted]

[deleted] · 2014-11-09T22:11:29+00:00

Just continue studying TRPgame and remember there is no such thing as rejection, only lessons. Until you internalize that and realize what your "peers" think doesn't matter, you'll remain beta. Become an alpha and maintain frame control. I recommend listening to Hypnotica's Collection of Confidence.

BrunoOh · 2014-11-09T22:12:53+00:00

Tell him to go fuck himself.

No really, you need to play it smarter than that.

"Oh sorry, did I just snipe that girl from you?"

"I'm not gay, but if you really want me for yourself, I'll try"

"Oh okay, do you have any tips for picking up your girlfriend?"

"This still haunts you to this day, doesn't it?"

"Yes I'm doing great, thanks for asking"

wickedwildewolf · 2014-11-09T23:18:43+00:00

Stop giving a fuck about what other people think. You're working on improving yourself. Prove them wrong with good results.

ibuprofiend · 2014-11-10T02:15:45+00:00

Don't give a fuck about what other people say (within reason). It's not easy, and everyone worries about their image to some extent, but you really have to just focus on your personal happiness and ignore the assholes who don't want to see you happy.

tl;dr fuck the haters

MightyTaint · 2014-11-10T06:09:59+00:00

You know what makes a person a loser? When they aren't brave enough to try anything and fear failure. You seriously made one bad pass at a woman and this chuckle fuck won't let it go? Holy shit, why are you friends with this person? And beyond that, why do you care what a nitwit thinks?

With my friends we love sharing our crash and burn stories. They make good conversation and it completely relaxes us for when we do approach, simply because we really don't care about success. I feel like a night's been wasted if I don't get at least one good story about being shot down by some shallow girl. And you never know which ones will be shallow, and which ones will have character, until you open dialog. Men get shot down, that's what we're here for. I'd way rather be in control of my destiny and have to deal with being rejected, then being at the mercy of someone else taking the initiative to talk to me.

oldredder · 2014-11-10T07:44:51+00:00

Go alone. I never try to pick up / attract / close with friends/co-workers out with me.

Ever. I don't give a fuck in so many ways but that one detail causes chain-reactions to my life instead of me being able to compartmentalize.

I don't want any conquest/failure to connect to the next conquest/failure and bringing along people will only connect them all together.

Special exception if it's wing-man / wing-girl but I don't usually do that.

At my last job I had the perfect pair up so I could be buddy's wing-man or he could be mine but he was probably the only person on Earth I ever met with gave less fucks than I do and even with a live-in girlfriend, no fear of picking up and no shame. None.

I have to say, watching him in action it actually is a challenge not to give a slow-clap once in a while. Performance masterpiece.

You also don't want to listen to jealous men you work with saying you're a creep/loser. If the girl actually comes over then you're not. If he's the reason she's not coming over not only can he say it, but out of his own fear of approaching a girl that hot (assuming she was) he has every reason to put you down because it's not that kind of man.

Go it alone or with a wing-man. Among the guys I would go out with for that, just 2 from the last job I had, 1 of them being mentioned above, we have no fear, no shame, if we're creeps then fuck everyone else - we are - and that's that.

I haven't found a crew like that at any other job before or after. It was a magical time having an entire crew of zero fucks to give.

In fact one particular night stands out in my mind because we hooked a girl and she was DTF with ANY/ALL of us. And... threw off enough red flags we were actually trying to pass her off to the next guy, like "um, I think I'll pass on this one" all in the eye-flickering so we're not saying anything in front of her & she's not cluing in. I'd rate her 6.5 on the hotness scale but MORE than 6/10 on the crazy scale. We all felt it, it's not just me. 3 pairs of eyes, 3 pairs of balls, 3 unspoken rejections.

And... of all the fucking things, especially me looking A SHIT TON younger than I actually am (more than 10 years older than these guys, and the girl) the wierdest fucking thing happened. A girl came by looking at us, at me, with all smiles.

And she was wrinkly. The Wall^tm really sank in for me there. Just seeing the difference between what I'm turning away in front of me (younger) and this woman who was definitely looking with interest at all 3 of us, out with her friend.

Oh I know she was same age as me. Many many years ago she had no interest in me and was a girl I had a one-itis crush for. And now... she's old looking. Ancient looking. And I have to wonder in the bad light + a few drinks if she even recognized I'm that same guy she had zero interest in years ago.

I laughed a little inside at my good genetics + realizing the opportunity in front of me - sex is mine if I want it, but I already know I'm high enough value I should turn this one away. As did we all.

[deleted] · 2014-11-10T13:00:04+00:00

What helped me:

Watch pickup videos. IDK if you have those in your country, in Russian I found a dude that promotes his "Positive Neo Pickup" courses, and he recorded his approaches. Watch the videos, put yourself in the man's shoes, and live those stories as if you have approached a girl.

IDK maybe it won't work for you, but it worked for me. Watching first videos, I was overwhelmed with emotions. I wanted to stop watching. I was experiencing embarassment and all sorts of things. I forced myself to watch one after the other. Eventually it just went away. I became comfortable with an idea of approaching a woman on the street and greeting her. And that really carried over to the street - of course the anxiety is still there, but it's WAY weaker than before. Much more manageable.

PS:

This dude's method, btw, is to start with pranks. He forces his trainees to do stupid things - like, approach a girl with a smile, ask her to hold your finger (insist it's harmless and will take just a second of her time, if she doesn't want to), then ask her "Who's size is bigger, me or your boyfriend". Or approach a girl and tell her you're a porn actor and looking for a mate to star in a film. Of course this won't probably lead to getting a number, but this will quickly throw all your fears and embarassment out of the window. There will be no problem just approaching a girl anymore, because you've been through much worse.

PPS:

And just avoid people who don't like you picking up girls. Don't pick up when colleagues are around - go somewhere alone.

ColdEiric · 2014-11-09T22:22:05+00:00

I do not fear rejection itself. However, I fear the judgement of my acquaintances and what rejections says about me.

These two sentences together do not make sense. Make up your mind; Do you, or do you not care about other people's opinions? Remember that all of us get rejected. The difference is that we hide it. We hide the scars, and we lie when we say that we didn't want to join that club anyway. And we learn to lie so well, that other people will believe us when we say it.

Get up again. Every time, because you're not getting anywhere without making mistakes. Don't stop improving. You always get bruises and sweat and blood and pain, before you get the gold. Collect scar tissue. Most of them heal and disappear. And the rest will look like cool, hot, attractive scars. Chicks dig scars, remember?

Stop giving a shit about other people's opinion. Find a way, a reason why they will need to think about what you have to say about them, instead of you worrying about what they have to say. Get yourselves tough and big and strong and rich and influential enough, that they need to fear your opinion, instead you fearing their opinion. Wouldn't that be something? People looking for your approval, instead of the other way?

Understand that you are currently trying to look for mommy's, daddy's or teacher's approval, so long as you fear the judgement of your acquaintances. Why do you seek approval? Why do you ask and look for permission? Don't you know that it's easier to ask and get forgiveness, than it is to get permission? Hell, you don't even need to be forgiven, right? You don't care about bluepiller's opinions, do you?

Go do your thing. Some will support you, and you'll find them once they see that you're going to fight for your sake, even if you are alone. Then they will try to tag along, and you'll be able to reject them if you want. And haters will hate, but why would you care? Have you seen a die-hard fan ever care about what critics say? Yeah, me neither.

Title	I want to start approaching (more) girls, but the thought of being judged by my peers as pathetic/a loser/a failure for rejection makes me terrified. Thoughts?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	9
Comments	14
Date	November 9, 2014 9:44 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/2lspmg/i_want_to_start_approaching_more_girls_but_the/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/i-want-to-start-approaching-more-girls-but-the.193470 https://theredarchive.com/post/193470

Comments