Need help

smokingtransistor · 2014-10-29T09:58:34+00:00

You seem distressed. Sorry, been there. I think we all have at one point or another. Here's how I see it.

"Latest problem is that she does things that make me feel humiliated." "She starts talking to me saying things like "my little.." and treating me like a kid or an object. When I call her on it she sulks."

These are problems that need to be addressed immediately. You have set the tone in your LTR that she can get away with making you feel humiliated, and treating you like a kid or an object. You don't address them by sitting her down and saying "we need to talk", and then giving her a list of things you don't like. She won't get it. What you need to do is start punishing her for this bad behavior.

"I can pull alpha a bit, but its an act. I have beta core. Don't want to act all my life"

Define "act" for yourself. What are you really trying to say here? Being Alpha isn't something that you do every once in a while to put your foot down. It's when you have enough self-respect to know what you want, and what you deserve, and to be utterly 100% unwilling to settle. If you let her humiliating you slide, then any and all progress you made is erased. You are back to being her baby back bitch, and she can tell.

"Is it normal for women to baby talk you, be belittling, tell you to do things rather than asking, and then sulk when you call them on it because they "don't get to be themselves?"

That's what I was about to get at. If we're talking about making things change in your relationship, it's going to be important for you to choose what's actually important to you that she knock off, and what just doesn't matter that much. My LTR's could tell me to do things sometimes. You gotta let them have their moment every once in a while. But think of it like sex - yeah, she can get on top and ride me for a few. She can hold me down. But the moment right after that is going to be the roughest for her - because she can have her moment, thinking she's in control, but when i'm done letting her ride me, i'm about to fucking have mine. Give her a little slack sometimes - but do it because you WANT her to have a moment. Not because you're scared of telling her no, or because she sulks if you don't. Do it because you want to give her her moment, and then take it away from her right afterwards. It's still your moment - you just choose to let her have her piece sometimes. Hope this part made sense, it's a bit hard to explain what i'm trying to describe. Yes, it is normal for women to belittle you, and then sulk when you call them out on it because they "don't get to be themselves". But only until you demonstrate to them that you don't tolerate that stuff. Seriously, just stop letting this woman (or any other) belittle you.

Next time she belittles you, or humiliates you, I want you to stop and stand up. Make eye contact with her for 2-3 seconds. Don't smile. Then, look from her eyes, all the way down to her toes, and all the way back up to her eyes again. Nice and slowly. Should take about 3 seconds. Re-meet her eyes, and still don't smile. Just look her dead in the eyes and let silence fill the room. Then, just walk away. Don't say a word, don't turn around and answer her when she starts whining. Just walk out the fucking door and disappear for a few hours.

Here's what happened. She misbehaved. You didn't freak out, you didn't get upset or whiny, you didn't cave, you didn't listen to her sulk, you didn't want to hear her excuses. You just communicated to her with your body language (the head-toe-head look) that in that moment, you were judging her. By walking away, you show your disapproval for whatever she did. She's going to know you were judging her, and consider her behavior immediately prior to it.

Here's where it will get tough. When you go home later, you act like nothing happened. You don't get mad, you dont bring it up. It's nothing. No need to get her to admit she was wrong - trust me, she will know at this point. Do this every time she humiliates you. Just never, ever tolerate it.

And if the time comes when you return, and she's trying to be on some bullshit about you walking away from her - "sulking" - that's where you draw the line. Once I realized what she was doing, I'd make a point to LET her get mid-sentence, and then I'd flat out interrupt her and say 'No. This shit is done happening, I made that abundantly clear earlier. If you want to know me, you don't get to humiliate me. You hear me woman?'

She will test you. If this has been going on for a while, she's going to try to break you. You need to not give in. Remember what I said - as soon as you slip, it's back to square 1 with her.

She might flip a shit, she might walk out on YOU, she might threaten to leave you. Shit, she might leave you. ALL OF THIS IS ACCEPTABLE. You WANT her to test you like this, so that you can pass. If she wants to walk away, let her. If she wants to flip a shit, you can just walk away. There's no reason for you to deal with this if you don't want to. Just flat out don't tolerate it, and be willing to walk away if she doesn't get the picture. THAT'S alpha. It may seem counter productive, but trust me. Just let her walk away if that's what she wants.

Once you lay down your expectations, you have to be willing to let it go if she doesn't meet them. Otherwise, she won't ever respect you. Have faith here, i'm guessing it will feel wrong in every bone in your body. But you are re-establishing the frame where you are the man, and you make the rules about how you let people treat you.

"She's flipping out because she thinks I'm distant."

This probably means your doing some things right. But it's all or nothing man. She wants to respect you, but you don't give her a reason to. You flip flop based on what she wants and how she's acting, instead of having a firm grasp on what YOU want and acting accordingly.

"My current LTR felt like a soul mate I JUST WANT THAT BACK. I don't want to start over." -Here's the thing. If you don't want to start over, then you're going to have to be WILLING to start over. Understand? Until she recognizes your willingness to walk away from her if she doesn't please you, she's not going to change her behavior. If she knows you won't walk away, why would she? Think about it.

"I'm depressed. Thinking about meds." No. You don't need meds - you need to start getting some respect from your woman. And if she won't give it to you, then you need a new one. Don't turn to meds - study inner game, exercise, shit.. dump her and go meet new women (I can guarentee nothing would get her kissing your feet trying to suck your dick faster than that last one). Depression is a fucked up thing - it's like having a fever. You can take medicine, you can not take medicine.. but at the end of the day it's still the fever that's making you feel like shit. Your woman's disrespect, in conjunction with your unwillingness to walk away from it, are your fever. Start walking away from it man. Stay strong. Watching her get all desperate will be all the medicine you need :)

Hope some of this helped. Just a friendly reminder too - there's millions of women out there, and they all have vaginas. If she never comes back, so be it. That means she would have NEVER respected you anyway, and you could have wasted years on her.

Good luck

stillnoturday · 2014-10-29T09:27:31+00:00

Problem is you didn't set boundaries, if you don't like something don't put up with it. You don't want her to act like she owns you then refuse to be owned.

Stop doing shit for her don't reward her shitty behavior belittling you, if that ever happened even once to me in public I would send her packing and not care if I "loved" her or not. It isn't about the love you have for her if she has lost respect for you it will always be a one sided love.

Goldfulgore · 2014-10-29T09:48:09+00:00

I feel so sorry for you. You are in your 50's and you are still beta.

Read the TRP sidebar and watch all Patrice o Neal's "Black Philip" episodes on youtube. You have many beliefs about yourself, life and women that are so far off that reading what you just wrote gives me nothing but pain.

I don't know what I am.

Figure it out for yourself. Only you can define yourself.

I've lived my life beta and now that I've gotten older I realize I don't have to.

But you still are.

I can pull alpha a bit, but its an act. I have beta core. Don't want to act all my life.

Being alpha is not an act once you figure out your self worth.

I'm in an LTR live-in with a woman I love but no matter what I do for her it's never enough. She sees herself as the prize.

This is your fault. You let her take control over you.

1) I love her

You think you love her cause you do not have options

2) I have issues with leaving women because I left my wife and the divorce was horrible. My current LTR felt like a soul mate I JUST WANT THAT BACK. I don't want to start over. 3) I'm depressed. Thinking about meds.

This is exactly how an 8 year old speaks when someone takes his candy. Be ready to take a loss for happiness. You cannot be happy unless you are willing to leave her. Women will not respect you or empathize if you see her as the only option in you life

Is it normal for women to baby talk you, be belittling

NO! FUCK NO!

tell you to do things rather than asking, and then sulk when you call them on it because they "don't get to be themselves?"

OPEN YOUR FUCKING EYES!! She is shit testing you dumb ass. All women do this. They have three cycles of manipulation:

ANGER "You are the worst man I have ever been with!!"

SADNESS Giving you a sulk face or acting sad

PITY "Why are you always so mean to me?" (A tear helps in this case as well)

I want to fix it but maybe I have to leave but I'm depressed.

Unless you are willing to lose her you are going to stay in this miserable relationship.

I could be happy with her if she was nice to me. I want to be past the power struggle. Can I go nuclear and put it to rest? Despite the shit testing, I think that we can have something if she gets over it.

ALL women are like that. The power struggle never ends. This is basic 101 Redpill theory. Read the fucking sidebar

truchisoft · 2014-10-29T15:07:00+00:00

Every path takes years to master. Transforming from a beta male to an alpha male takes time, years at minimum.

/u/sgwest gave you lots of good tips, but you should also start the path of enlightment and read the recommended books for red pill, "No More Mr. Nice Guy" is a good start.

You have us as your support group. Have strength.

favours_of_the_moon · 2014-10-29T18:11:36+00:00

Yeah, it's normal for a bitch to cut you down like that. Because they are crazy and abusive psycho bitches.

You gotta be strong, man. This bitch may seem like a soul mate, but once you start hitting it with your new 25 year old college grad with daddy issues, she'll seem pretty special too.

Time for some dread game.

You might want to talk to a therapist too. If a woman is a "soul mate," she shouldn't be treating you that way. Sometimes we seek out negative relationships, because for us that's "normal." It may go back to your original relationship with your mom. You may think that's what "love" is on some dysfunctional level. Well, fuck that shit.

Title	Need help
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	3
Comments	16
Date	October 29, 2014 8:45 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/2knq4l/need_help/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/need-help.193626 https://theredarchive.com/post/193626

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