How to handle a beta roommate?

hooligurn · 2014-10-20T19:27:25+00:00

The most considerate thing you could do for your roommate here is to sit him down for a quick chat about how things are going.

As far as the gym is concerned, you won't be able to make him work out, if someone has it in them to lift they will lift. I would not waste my time trying to motivate him in that regard unless it is just a matter of him coming with you to the gym.

The food and cleaning thing is a real problem, because if this continues you will not be able to stand him and anything he does that remotely rubs you the wrong way will cost you sleep. Sit down with him and your other roommate and either make a schedule (for meals and cleaning), or clearly define your expectations. If this doesn't work out, then you have to stop cooking for him and you and the other roommate can carry on with some sort of agreement between the two of you as far as meal plans go while roommate B fends for himself.

I think that if you addressed anything else you wrote about it would come off as henpecking. You could tell him to pull his socks up in school, but he likely already knows this.

If roommate B isn't friend material then he isn't friend material. If the group project went well, then make sure that you keep working with him on those because it can be very difficult to find good work partners for school projects.

Not everyone is cut from the same cloth, and he may just not be able to achieve as much as you can. Try not to be hard on him for that, and if he treats you fairly and with respect then try to do the same for him and everything should be fine.

imthemanyesiam · 2014-10-20T18:38:20+00:00

This feels like my situation. It gets annoying. Ill be back to check others answers

[deleted] · 2014-10-20T21:59:47+00:00

Why did you ever get into a situation where you cook for each other? In all my years of living with other students in an apartment, we might share a few ingredients or snacks, but we never cook for each other. This just sounds like a bad idea from the start.

If I were you, I'd create a new rule that says everyone must cook for themselves. This means everyone cleans their own dishes after using them as well. Letting them build up is such a hassle.

Start looking for a new pair of room mate's for next semester/year. It doesn't sound like he's going to change any time soon.

One more thing, you'll internalize this soon, but I'll mention it anyway. Don't be afraid to hang out with new people and stop hanging out with old friends. Spend a lot of time on campus meeting new people. Hopefully you're already doing this considering it's a few months into the semester. This will make it easy to find a better living situation in the future.

thisjibberjabber · 2014-10-20T19:51:00+00:00

I was going to say find a better roommate, and that may still be the answer, but it reminded me of a friend from college who was about as lazy at times (especially freshman year) as your roommate. 20 years later, he is now quite successful with his own business and has a great family. So it might be early to fully write him off. But it doesn't mean you need to keep living with him next year.

kingofpoplives · 2014-10-20T20:05:01+00:00

Don't waste your time trying to change other people. If you'd like living with the guy then get a place without him when your lease ends.

[deleted] · 2014-10-20T18:47:55+00:00

First year of college, people largely either hit the ground running or fall on their ass. It's the whole, first freedom thing.

You can let him be the bum of the apartment, but he's going to be a downer if girls come over.

You can also step up as a leader and light a fire under the kid. Not easy, but if you can do it, it'll help you in work life, family life, etc. That's a huge quality that girls like to see. Learn how to be a good motivator and leader now and you'll be set for life.

secret_barber · 2014-10-21T00:01:07+00:00

Put him to work around the house.

TheJasminDragon · 2014-10-21T01:17:28+00:00

What are you his father? Why would you care if he is a beta, does shitty in school and doesn't work out? The only thing that you can do is try to be as respectful as a roommate can be. Teach him to cook and suggest that he should cook and help out more often, other than that ignor his beta behaviors.

[deleted] · 2014-10-21T02:31:26+00:00

people grow up on their own. pushing them towards change usually has the opposite effect.

he'll change, or he won't, you can do your part as his friend, or not. but don't be his dad, that'll stomp his progress. ironically, hitting rock bottom in certain things is what triggers deep change, you pushing him to hit the gym for example would cause a delay in that, and as such delay true and meaningful change. he did not make the decision on his own, he made it through you, as kind it was. it was just not his own, which is why he falters.

as to doing work around the house, make a list and enforce it.

BluepillProfessor · 2014-10-21T02:51:53+00:00

The world needs ditchdiggers too.

michaelknox3 · 2014-11-04T00:30:28+00:00

Allmybeard poses a very interesting question. How to unplug those who do not know they are plugged in? I feel that for most guys it has to do with getting dumped by their oneitis. Some recover, some just go even more blue pill.

Let me tell you something though Allmybeard, college is a really key time for making awesome friends. You want to have win-win friendships (where both of you are benefiting) everywhere, not lose-win or lose-lose situations. I would be respectful, not an asshole, but make sure you draw the line at spending a lot of time with the guy or going to far out of your way to make him happy.

Don't be a dick to him but don't let him bring you down and prevent you from achieving your goals.

Btw, sounds a hell of a lot like my roommate from freshmen year, who dated a girl for 3 years and never had sex with her. I actually wrote a post on my blog about him a while back talking about how he lost his v-card to some softball ho and subsequently had a mental breakdown and went to the hospital. Ironically, he was one of the reasons I've been so interested in the red pill--b/c I saw what a firm blue pill belief system can do to a man once it is broken.

Title	How to handle a beta roommate?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	10
Comments	11
Date	October 20, 2014 6:23 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/2jt2ow/how_to_handle_a_beta_roommate/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/how-to-handle-a-beta-roommate.193739 https://theredarchive.com/post/193739

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