Hi

I was the total omega. Raised by a single mother, who for the past 6 years has treated me like utter shit the majority of the time, I have been always felt a need for female company. I have always been overweight, I lost some of that, but I still need to get in shape.

I am 17 years old, and I have spent 4 years of high school being rejected by a total of 15 girls, all being "I only see you as a friend. I don't want to ruin what we have." I stumbled upon The Red Pilla few months ago, and after reading the confessions of a self imposed celibate, I began to cry. I had never thought that someone else experienced the exact same feelings and thoughts I had, and been faced with the exact same situations. I knew I had come to the right place.

I have read all the theory on the sidebar, read the top 3 pages of blue pill example, red pill example, red pill theory and field reports. I know the facts and it makes complete sense. I know the theory backwards, and it makes perfect fucking sense.

My issue is that for some reason I still cannot implement it. I implemented for a while, but I slipped back into my beta ways. I went to a party last saturday, got drunk for the first time and got two girls' numbers. A great achievement for me. One is now being fucked by the school player/casanova and the other never replied to my text.

I also told a third girl I had feelings for her. She messaged me last night saying Let's just be friends. I feel defeated. I cannot improve. Everytime I try to lose weight, I don't. Everytime I ask a girl out or confess my feelings, she tells me we should stay friends.

Before everyone shouts beta, I want to say I had no anxiety getting numbers, and I have done this before being sober. I could just keep trying my luck and eventually get some. But I still have this stupid fucking idea that everything has to be romantic and I need a relationship. A solid 9 offered to kiss me, and I refused, because we were both drunk. I hate myself so much for refusing, but I keep choking when opportunities present themselves.

Try as I might, I cannot get girls out of my mind. I am almost desperate. I think it is because all of my friends have received female attention, but I have never done anything, and never progressed further than brushing my hand on some girl's ass.

I want to know what is wrong with me, and how to progress. I know on The Red Pill everyone always says that there is information, no one gives a shit about you, do things yourself. But I have a fundamental problem, and I don't know what it is. I just need direction. Please help.

Any and all advice is appreciated. Any and all questions will be answered with full honesty.