Advice please: how to encourage more masculine behaviour?

LordXerces · 2014-04-13T13:16:13+00:00

I am a TRP man and not a TRP woman, but I will try to offer my advice.

I'm not attracted to him when he's high or any in any way intoxicated. My attraction and appreciation for him just fled all at once. I felt so totally turned off, I almost wanted him to leave. I didn't know how to process the feelings or what to do. For the next 40 hours until he left, I was irritated by almost everything he did, even when we were sober. I hid it as well as I could and made sure I was making effort to be gracious to him and fulfill his needs, but I couldn't shake my bad mood and I'm sure he picked up on it. This perspective shift has opened my eyes to a lot of issues that I have buried.

You obviously value self-awareness and self-control in a man, and when he is intoxicated, he is displaying the very opposite and losing frame in your eyes. This is nothing to feel bad about.

Making silly noises and sound-effects - I found it very immature and unbecoming of a man, whereas normally I laugh. Being wishy-washy with answers - when I ask his opinion he says 'Whatever you want to do' or similar. Not taking direction whatsoever and expecting me to make and execute all our plans. Transparent/clumsy attempts at subtlety, and indirect requests, instead of being straightforward.

Considering how you used to find these kinds of things tolerable or even positive, something has changed within you. If you were madly attracted to him (as I'm sure you once were), you would tolerate these things. Heck, if you were madly attracted to him, you'd probably tolerate him taking a dump on the dining table, just because that's how attraction works.

In other words, you should take a look at what may have caused your lack of attraction to him. Once you lose respect for a man, anything he does can be perceived as stupid, immature and so on. You're on the path towards resentment.

The absolute worst was when I was briefly checking my emails and he came out of the shower, into my study, and whined at me, 'Touch [my] bits... just a little... please'. I was so incredibly turned off and I'm afraid I didn't hide my feelings as well as I could have. I was speechless. (For those who might ask - our sex life is fantastic in both quality and quantity, and at this point we had already had sex 3 times and he'd gotten two or three blowjobs in as well.)

He's displaying traits of submissiveness, and considering how you've lost respect and attraction to him, you find such behaviors disgusting. I'm still trying to figure out what the trigger might have been.

The second worst was when we were at a party on Saturday night hosted by one of my work colleagues, with several people from my work in attendance, including my closest work friend. My SO was chatting and getting along well with her, and about 1.5 hours into the party he asked to speak with me out in the hallway. He asked me if we could have a threesome with my closest work friend. I thought that was ill conceived and in very poor taste, but I wasn't angry or jealous as such. I said I didn't think it was a good idea because I work with her, and I'm not sure she is anything except straight. He said he thought it was a good idea because she 'meets the right criteria'. I said I was not going to make a decision then and there, and if anything it would not happen that night. He accepted this and we rejoined the other guests. Five minutes later he was whispering in my ear trying to convince me again to have a threesome with my good friend. I did not appreciate this behaviour at all.

Had you still been madly in love with him, the outcome could have been very different. Although I personally believe that he was acting like a complete moron, I doubt this counts as a factor in your loss of attraction. It serves more as evidence that you have lost attraction already.

ne thing I was particularly focused on this weekend is that he does not have a job, so I pay for everything (he is finishing study towards a degree currently). This has recently become more and more of an issue. I have become used to spending money for both of us and sharing everything, and now that I am trying to draw the line, I it very is very much a 'two steps forward, one step back' process. I have enabled this for the past 1.5 years thinking it was harmless. It is not. I have almost nothing to show for the last 1.5 years of full-time work, 55k a year, because I spend so much. And my SO now feels comfortably entitled to even the smallest things I buy for myself. If we go to a movie he won't buy popcorn because he claims to not be hungry - I do because I love popcorn - and then he shamelessly helps himself to my food and ends up polishing it off within the first half hour of the movie. This is just a small example. We have spoken about this before, and at the time he seems to find it very reasonable and will agree with me, but the next time I buy a nice bottle of whiskey he will help himself to half the bottle without asking. If I remind him of our conversation he will stop, only to try again within minutes, or to give me an excuse such as 'I was only pouring your next drink' or 'I was only arranging this mouthful of food for you'.

The feminine role has become the provider. Alpha fux, beta bux, and he seems to serve neither of those two roles. Understand that as a woman, you find the provision of resources attractive. The fact that he is both beta and unable to provide is naturally a huge turn-off for you, instinctively.

Even him saying 'I love you', and kissing me on the cheek, was anathema to me this weekend.

As I already said, anything he does will seem stupid. You absolutely resent him.

I say all this not to badmouth my SO but to give a clear image of the situation. I understand that some may disagree with how I've spoken - please know I feel ashamed about saying anything negative about my SO, but I don't know how to illuminate the situation without specifically saying what is affecting me.

There is no reason to feel ashamed at all. In fact, I am extremely impressed. You are in perfect alignment with your emotions and you refuse to go into denial. You see the situation through a lens of realism and you are focused on repairing it. I can do nothing but applaud you.

I don't know if I have an objective enough view of myself to say where my fault lies in this or how I have contributed. I think if anything my fault lies in enabling behaviour that I find concerning, instead of addressing it. I also think I could have avoided this by not agreeing to see my SO for the weekend, when I felt like I would have appreciated time to myself. I feel stressed that I have to consider trying to amend things at all - I want my SO to be self-aware enough to recognise unbecoming behaviour and correct it, without me having to direct him. I want to feel safe with someone who I know is capable of decisive action. I feel a distressing drop in my level of respect for him, and it is astounding how quickly that can escalate to contempt. I don't want that.

Although it's absolutely terrifying, you need to tell him the exact words that you have told us here today. If that does not work, show him this thread. The only way to awaken a beta is with a relentless reality-check. Even if you do tell him these things, it will be very easy for him to misinterpret it. If you tell him to be more masculine, he will become what is considered masculine in the eyes of a feminized society, i.e not what you actually want.

My overall question point is that I need advice. I need to know what I am doing wrong, and I would appreciate any tips on how I can best support my SO and be a good partner to him, including encouraging behaviour that fulfills him (being a masculine leader) and gently, graciously discouraging behaviour that depletes him (immature, thoughtless behaviour) in a way that is not harsh, abrasive, or makes him feel unappreciated or unmanned.

You haven't really described how you treat him, so it would be nearly impossible to point out what you are doing wrong, if you are doing anything wrong at all, that is. You value masculinity. You want a man, not a woman in man's clothing. This is instinctive to you, and it would be a terrible thing to feel shame because of it.

I think the very best course of action if all else fails is to show him TRP, and give him an ultimatum: Either swallow it, or you'll walk. This isn't morally wrong. What is wrong is for you to stay with a person you resent and are completely incompatible with. If you wish, I will offer my guidance to either of you if it is desired. Send him to some TRP therapy with ol' Xerces.

I wish the both of you luck, and I once again applaud you for your decision to improve your relationship. It is far from impossible.

We_Are_Legion · 2014-04-13T13:51:56+00:00

RP's ideas of relationships assume a certain degree of "the conscious side is often just rationalizing our pursuit of irrational things we want anyway, such as instinctive subconscious needs and desires".

Relationships, marriage, etc and are an inherently irrational thing. You're only doing it for a very specific reason. Your 'feelings' and 'instincts'. In this case, instincts of attraction. Otherwise, what's the point? Few(read: practically none) men can hold your feelings of infatuation and love just for being who they are. And its pointless to pretend.

We believe people who do not maintain attraction and instinctual reasons to be with each other encounter problems. Those problems are not the disease, but rather symptoms. You want to feel like you love him. The sexual part of you wants certain needs and checkmarkers fulfilled.

There's no shame in recognizing these and consciously working to fix them. Like a RP man will pursue his interests, so can and should a RP woman. Being with a needy, complacent man is not in your interests, and your feelings are telling you so. Leaving him and being a testing bitch is also, in our view, not in your interests and counterproductive to what most women want to do anyway(we don't believe women are life suckers, shockhorror)... which is, fix the man they already have committed to them.

Which brings us to our very simple solution: get him to be a fucking man. Get himself together.

The thing is, he's an idiot. Not intentionally. But he's buying into this manlet BP role he thinks is normal and thinks you'll find endearing. He's letting down his defenses and assuming attraction will stay there. Meanwhile, the only thing keeping you sane in between bouts of his idiocy is your loyalty. This is not a RP relationship. There is a fine line between support and loving loyalty and rewarding long-term laziness and complacency in non-performance.

I would recommend the simplest out: Put thought into it and then start introducing and explaining to him the behaviour you want to see from your partner. And the underlying logic behind it(or if you want, even the really surface obvious logic: "I don't like being your 2nd mom for 2 years"). Tell him you want him to be a man. And tell him how. Gently. RP men game using masculinity. You game him through femininity.

Introduce him to RP outright if you have to(EDIT: Not to self-advertise but I wrote a comment on a gameplan to introducing newbies to redpill in conversation you might find interesting.). Tell him you'll support him through it, and pick out of it what you want(in case his head's liable to explode if its in one go).

We_Are_Legion · 2014-04-13T14:23:10+00:00

6 months ago you were worrying about being about to get murdered by some random you met on the internet? im calling troll on this one, lets see how it develops

mayhare · 2014-04-13T14:21:30+00:00

are you married? how old are you? how old is he? do you have kids? how long have you been together?

Title	Advice please: how to encourage more masculine behaviour?
Author	DearOP
Upvotes	6
Comments	19
Date	April 13, 2014 12:19 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/22x39f/advice_please_how_to_encourage_more_masculine/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/advice-please-how-to-encourage-more-masculine.197117 https://theredarchive.com/post/197117

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